God bless you squire!
Welcome to England.

That toilet bowl looks dirty, have you cleaned it recently? Some European countries have a large square button the the top of the cistern you push to flush. Strangely our European neighbours stub thir fags out on these buttons.

God save the Queen!

Seriously Dave, your historical essay of the British sewer system made for a great Monday morning read. I sympathize for you, though. One of the most important parts of taking a good shit is to look back upon your creation and soak in the pride. You're being robbed.

Acutally, I had no idea my bowl was so dirty. Our light in the bathroom is terrible. With the flash on the camera, that's the first time I've been able to really see down there. Guess it's time to clean.

I actually love the Toilettes in Germany. There's no sploosh, I've never had to flush two times, they're much more efficient, you get to examine your shit if you haven't been well lately. Brittish toilets sound smell free. I think thats a good thing as well. Are you going to start using english spellings now?

so there are no mexican restaurants or bowling alleys in London?

I figured in this day and age you could do anything anywhere....I guess only in America.

that makes me feel sort of sad.

I wonder if any of you knows what cholerae is all about.. if not heres a short resume. The bacteria vibrio cholerae when getting into the small intestine and the colon, it produces and enzyme/poison that makes bowel tissue let out water instead of sucking it up. basicly that makes a sewere diarrhea. There has been scenarios where people have lost up to 8 gallons (20 litres.. im not quit sure if my maths is right on the litre to gallon) of liquid shit a day. the fecal matter doesnt look very much like shit anymore, its more like the water you get after cookin rice. And supposedly it has a "fishy odor"
After such a heavy loss of water and electrolytes a person may die of shock. Untreated cholerae may have a death rate up to 60% theres also vomitting involved but the diarrhea remains the problem

Dave, I'm geussing by the look of your peach colored tp, that your girlfriend does the shopping. Please tell me that you didn't seriously select colored tp!
Doniker, Taco Bell is not a "Mexican restaurant".

The history of British poop made interesting reading but having deposited my cack in UK toilets for over 20 years I can honestly say that on almost every occasion I have been able to study my poop. in fact not 10 minutes ago I was admiring an amazing brown cobra of mine that completely curled around the surface of the water and partially disappeared down toward the U bend.

Also if I go into town I can visit any supermarket to pick up some taco bell produce, go bowling with some friends in either of the national chains called 'Megabowl' or 'Superbowl' and pick up a copy of almost any foreign newspaper of note in a decent sized newsagent, including the NY Times if I wish -- Dave you are allowed to leave the flat you know ;)

Coloured toilet paper is a must in the UK. One has to colour co-ordinate the toilet paper with the decorations. You also forget to mention Thomas Crapper who invented the flush system for toilets. That is why we say we are going for a crap.

why did you remove my message regarding cholerae dave?

uh, blind i am
hehe

Wouldn't colored TP contain stuff that makes the asscrack itch?

I know Taco Bell isn't a mexican restuarant....it's dog shit.
I still want to know...can you get mexican in england?

Most of the crappers I used when I was in England were much deeper than those in the States. That is to say the water is much farther from you ass than I was used to. It was great the water never reached my hole after a big log was released.

I would advise that placing a bit of TP b4 you shat may help to keep you piece floating for a while longer

It's funny really; I just returned from my Honeymoon over in the UK, and I was going to write up a little something. Anyway, the toilets in Scotland seemed a little different; the bottom of the bowl (the deepest part) was a bit more forward than they are in the US, and the walls more vertical (LowFlow engineering?). As such, I could not possibly avoid leaving a skid-mark on the rear-most wall of the bowl, without going so far as to shit in the waste-basket. My new wife thought it was disgusting, and chided me about it, until I caught her using the bowl-brush surrepticiously after one of HER doings. The flush handle on the wrong side was aggrivating...

Ah. My ignorance of everything in the kitchen except the fridge content is my undoing..the Mexican mulch which gets served in my house is not Taco Bell, its Old El Paso, which can be bought in the supermarket. My gf has never heard of Taco Bell. Oops. Anyway here is a list of mexican restaurants in London to atone:

http://tinyurl.com/sumv

I've just checked on the availability of the New York Times, branches of WH Smith will order it for you if its not in stock on the day you go there...or you can pre-order, I guess. Also larger Public libraries should be able to sort you out a copy for free!

I've seen a couple of hippie burrito chains, but that's not mexican. There is a stand on the Portobello Road Market that serves Mexican food -- the only real Mexican I've seen -- but it's staffed by Brits.

Manker -- Taco Bell, the American chain? For the love of god, where???? And I've seen the Int'l Herald Tribune, which is the global version of the Times, but I've never seen the Times itself. Teach me about your country, for the love of god!

putting the handle on the wrong side of the toilet? Did the plumbing industry inspire Scots to drive on the left side of the road?

Mexican? INDIAN.

Also, American toilets scare me.

I am from Switzerland, though at present, I am in the States. I have to say that our toilets in Switzerland are more like the ones in the UK. The area where the excrement falls is constrained and can be hard to see, especially if in a dim lit WC. American, Canadian and especially German toilets are much better for stool examination.

By the way, as interest to the history of London, I have had Cholera TWICE, (both times being mild cases in rather affluent countries) once in the States, and a year later back home in Switzerland. Again, it is not the DISEASE proper that can be fatal, but the potential for DEHYDRATION that is virtually always fatal. I had excellent medical care in both my circumstances, in California, and in Switzerland. AS my own diarrhoea was rather significant in both cases, I was able to beat the dehydratin problem with many fluids containing sodium and potassium (as to maintain the electrolyte balance). It is true that after the initial diarrhoeal attacks, the stools are more of a murky nature resembling the so-called 'rice water' or very thinned out mash consistency. I don't know about the literage, but they were quite volumous and frequent. Cholera is no fun!

Hey doniker, I agree with you. Taco Bell is shit. I call it Toxic Hell.
Anyway, I once read an interesting story back in the era of castles and knights. According to an actual toilet historian (don't ask me why he went into that profession) there was one castle where the bathroom consisted of a hole in the castle stone that went down into a cesspool. Once the great lord of the castle had a man who attempted revenge on his enemy by hiding in the cesspool with his bow and arrows. When the castle owner sat down on the "toilet" he was shot in the ass with an arrow.

Hey, there, If anyone's reading this, cos it's waaaay down at the bottom of the message pile - I'm from London, and if i fancy a bit of mexican i go to Nando's, which is a resturant chain of pretty hot mex/tex food - burritos, enchiladas and the like. Also,bowling! huh! did you have a good look round london? actually, that would take you forever - but there are plenty of alleys - the closest to me is MegaBowl, located in Streatham High Street. That's south of the river... you Northside or Southside, Dave?

When i was in london i went to megabowl they have a deal on weekdays 5lbs get to bowl all day for as long as you want,

what the hell are you doing? stop talking.
i use colored toilet paper when i ate at taco bell. i had to use the wax paper that they wrap around the burrito. when you've gotta go,l you've gotta go..even if a cat's cleanliness is at stake.

I use colored toilet paper, too. It's called "USA Today".

AAARGH. Thomas Crapper did not 'invent' the flush toilet. Honestly he didn't, although he did make them from 1861 and developed the system somewhat. The first known flush toilet was invented by Sir John Harrington at his house near Bath, about 8 miles from where I live. It was installed in readiness for a visit from his godmother, Queen Elizabeth I in 1592.

While we're talking accuracy, the Victorian working class generally used earth closets, which were a cesspit which you covered the faeces periodically with earth and/or ash from the fires. They were apparently remarkably odourless and efficient. The cesspit, of course, had to be dug out now and then. Nice job!!

I don't remember having this problem when I was in London. Maybe I didn't take a poop while I was there. Hmmm. 1996 was too long ago to remember a poop. Isn't it?

but my question is, does the UK toilet design prevent the back-splash? because i absolutely can't stand when you take a dump and the water splashes back up your butt. ewwwww!!!!!! there's got to be a way to prevent that.

I have been living for 8 years now in London and thoroughly enjoy my shitting experience. First the distance between your butthole and the water is greater; therefore you see the falling log in its full glory. It's only a problem when things come in smaller pieces and your butt gets soaking wet. Because of the greater distace of the fall, the ploping noise is more audible. When shitting in public, I find the dropping sound of shitters next to me rather exciting!!!s

I feel for you. Peeing is a very free and easy. Pooing is very much more personal. Count your blessings to be able to download in private whereever... poo is the the word what with two small poohey peeple and me in the house. Beat them or join them... nappies have a quality that many people disregard...they keep the shit to themselves. good luck in this difficult world of muckiness. Get to know your own bottom... and when it starts farting a smell that you like you'll know you're eating better

My only experience in London was the "Rotting Rat" smell in the Tube. When I returned home, every fecal it took for the next week smelled exactly like the subway smell, it was like I had absorbed that stink through my skin and the air. It brought back some good memories.

I thank poop is nasty,stupid,and funny in someway if it is on rate my poop.Some people thank it's nasty and stupid.

What are you on? Nando's in Portuguese! Lol, I'm fully British (Londoner) and the reason we don't have Mexican restaurants etc...is because ther are no Mexicans! Or at least non that I've ever met! Also, another thing about the British is that, We NEVER talk about things like this! It's disgusting, geez! Who wants a whole dicussion on it? Sure there are probably some Brits who talk about it, but on the whole, we're very hush hush about these things.
I thought everyone had coloured toilet paper, it has to match! Is this only a British thing?

Unfortunately, no, the Americas do not have colored toilet paper like we used to in the seventies. I had read somewheres that the dyes were causing problems, but I 1.) don't see how they could when we have so much other pollution and 2.) can't see how a little dye in the tp would affect our septic.

I miss the old blue and green paper we used to have back in the day. What I wouldn't give for some nice Brit to mail me some green tp.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969

I asked about colored TP a few weeks ago, and was kindly provided with these websites to try: www.touchstonecatalog.com, and www.frenchtoiletpaper.com. They both have decorator TP available.