Are you sure the Depends soaked up all the shit? May just be wishful thinking on your part, Squat!

With ten thousand twisting movements made in them against the kayak seat it could well be that your ass-cheeks and thighs absorbed all that shitty liquid instead. Something to consider before setting off on the next trip.

Great story Squat. I could almost feel the shit enveloping my balls in an embrace
of odiferous warmth. I knew there was some reason I had never taken up kayaking,
this and the fact that I am a lazy bastard. Ten thousand of anything is more than my atrophied muscles could endure.

If, in my dotage, I took up kayaking it would be in the streams of Tennessee where relief would be behind the next clump of bushes. For a clean-up I could hold on to a limb and hang my plump buttocks into some whitewater.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Some Thai food may have helped to keep you warm. One the other hand, it may have burnt right through the kayak! Nice story.

I'm still waiting on CEP to register his author & story bashing comments. Surely this story is WAY better than anything Chocolate Shark has submitted, with it's lack of poop personification and the certainty that no illegal narcotics we're ingested to prime the creative juices. This is a sure favorite for good ol' hatin' CEP.

Nice story, I liked it.

Nice story, it was so concise and well written compared to the meaningless incoherent drivel we have seen lately from Chocolate Emo Shark/Anonymous/Fan of Poop and all his many other names. I was further pleased that none of the turds had names or human characteristics and that no intestines were flung by the author. I give it two suppositories up.

Dear anonymous coward...... " I'm still waiting on CEP to register his author and story bashing comments", I am sorry anonymous coward but this makes no sense to me. Did you possibly mean to say, register his authoritative and story bashing comments? You must bare with me because I have just a septic pit for a brain and things come to me slowly.

"and the certainty that no illegal narcotics we're ingested" Does this mean that no illegal narcotics we are ingested? I am sorry that I have so much trouble with my interpretation of your English. Perhaps the next time I visit Liz at Buttingham palace she will shed some light on your writing. In the interim, pip pip, what what. and cheerio.

I remain your friend in the colonies,
ChiefThunderbutt

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

It's pretty crazy that this Chocolate Shark argument travels from story to story...

Or maybe it's normal...I haven't really been coming here very long.

I like this story. It must feel so weird to just sit there and shit your pants on purpose. I'm glad things got more comfortable as time passed.

And thats why I prefer canoeing.

Squat, do you wear a kilt always as a clothing preference, or just sometimes?

This is the first poopreport than I can remember reading where the author admits to using a diaper.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

I find it really shocking the trolls continue to stalk story to story and ruin a perfectly good set of comments by bashing me for no reason. All I said was good story and I am flamed?

I reiterate though, well done it was a great story and I apologise on behalf of these trolls who obsess over my every move.

I've always wondered what goes on below the kayak level. ;-)

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Well, you don't actually blow on it. That's just an expression.

Very good story; wasn't there a novel or story called "Ten Thousand Strokes" or the like? I would have expected some difficulty getting the poop out unless you could raise yourself up to some extent to give it room to emerge. Just squelching it out while seated on a hard surface sounds hard to do. It sounds as though it was a solid movement, not diarrhea; surely that was a blessing. Good job.

I am reminded of the joke we told in primary school.

Tonto jumped into the canoe and with a few swift strokes shot-off across the lake.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Awesome story, but, th8s story gave me a good reason to stay aay from kayaks. :D
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I will never shit somewhere that only has that horrible, scratchy brand of toilet paper. That stuff sucks!

I remember when I tried to kayak, it flipped and I couldn't get it back over. I prefer a row boat. Good story. But not all that funny due to the lack of innuendos

Great story, however, I would like to share a kayaking technique that I have used. Some may say it is a little dangerous, maybe even reckless...
When I get the 5 minute warning cramp in the kayak, I will take my oar and attach it to the boat with the recovery float on the end (if you are not familiar with kayaking it is similar to putting an outrigger on the side for balance). Since I usually wear shorts, I strip those off and dip my lower half into the water and start chumming for brown sharks. I then self-recover and am back on my way, fresh and clean like a baby.
As long as we are on the kayaking subject, who doesn't like to get a waft of their own haz-mat stench when you launch an airburst, by lifting the spray skirt. All it takes is one or two flips of the skirt to sample the shopkeeper's goods.

You could have really destroyed your ass in the cold but that was a great story!!
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The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

Loaddropper! I am honored that you would give me your first post. I do have a paddle float rescue, with a foot strap. I would have used it, if the waves were smaller, or the water was warmer, or if I had tested it for pooping. I have done the poop between two kayaks, complete with music. The occupant of the other kayak was singing the theme from Jaws!

Wow! I love that you shared your 1st Depends experience with the Poop community. I don't think I could be as honest.

Kimmy!!! Get your thumb out of there! I'm about to blow!

This story just inspired me to shit my pants, unfortunately I am in my living room.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

this story is just a reminder to me of why i don't do the whole outdoorsy thing. kudos to you though for having the balls to tell your story here. :-P

ChiefThunderbutt, you have inspired me. After all the Taco Bell I ate just before bed, you made me laugh hard enough to crap my PJ's this morning!
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Kimmy!!! Get your thumb out of there! I'm about to blow!

Fan of pooping. (FOP?) Another first poster! Thank you. I am trying to thing of anything that I consider "fun" that is not outdoorsy. I enjoy cooking, but outdoor cooking is fun. I remember sex was fun, but better under the stars. (had to give that up, due to the extinction of hippie chicks.) As a child I never heard "go play outside." because I was, already. Every time I sit down to a nice shark steak, I pray "let them have revenge on me before I end up a drooling fool in a nursing home!"