Editor's note: A few months ago, GottaGoGirl reported on the state of Seattle's fancy public toilets -- and the fact that Seattleites have actually seen an increase of poop on the streets since they've been installed. Last week, Fart Poopie decided to investigate the situation in person.
Finding ourselves in Seattle recently, Mr. Poopie and I decided to take a stroll down by the docks and Pike Place Market. As we walked around, looking at the different shops, the urge to pee hit me like a slap in the face (or bladder, as it were). Between some of the indoor shops were bathrooms with big "Not a Public Restroom" signs near them. The sign and the key card access locks made it obvious that they were for shop employees only, but I was determined to get in there and pee. Someone must have been watching over me that day because, as I approached the door, a woman walked out. I grabbed the door before it closed and walked in.
This bathroom was disgusting. Everything was brown with what I hoped was rust, and the floors were wet. I walked into the first stall, set down three seat liners (just in case -- it was a gross-looking seat), and sat down. That's when I saw this:
As many of you know, Seattle has a large Asian population. It appears squatting is a big "problem" there. This sign made the disgusting bathroom conditions seem not as bad. It gave me a good laugh, and I immediately dug my phone out of my pocket to snap a photo to share with you all.
Later on, Mr. Poopie and I started to get a little hungry. As we were trying to figure out where to eat, we found this:
Mr. Poopie said he needed to pee, so we waited for the doors to open. And waited. And waited. About five minutes later a boy walked out, but then the doors quickly closed to start the self-cleaning process, and Mr. Poopie again had to wait. The blue light in this picture indicates that the bathroom is cleaning itself.
It took about ten to fifteen minutes before the doors opened. But there were still fast food cups and other containers all over the floor, and the place looked like a dump. I couldn't snap a picture at this point because my camera phone was full and Mr. Poopie REALLY had to go. While he peed, I went through the arduous process of emailing photos to myself so as to clear up some memory in my phone. Mr. Poopie came out, the doors closed, the blue light turned on, and we decided to go eat before coming back and taking more pictures.
On our way back from lunch, we met a utility worker near the bathroom. He was waiting to get in. I didn't catch his name, but he was a very nice man who told me how Seattle had spent over 3.5 million dollars in order to put seven of these bathrooms around the city. He gave me the impression that he thought they were a waste of money. I suggested that perhaps the city should rent the outside walls to advertisers, as a way to recoup some of the money (an idea that I got from one of you smart PoopReporters). The utility worker thought this was a good idea.
About eight minutes of conversation later, the doors opened and a bum walked out. The doors quickly closed so that the bathroom could clean itself.
The bum, whom I suspected was just using the bathroom to stay out of the rain, stood next to us. He told me what a waste of money these bathrooms were, and that Seattle had spent sixty thousand dollars on each one. I found it ironic that he would say this, since he was using the restroom as his own one-room, half-bath (three-fourths, if you count the sprayers as a shower), sixty thousand dollar house; but I wasn't about to call him an idiot. I commented on the filthy conditions we had witnessed earlier, and the bum informed us that someone had come by earlier to clean it up. I also found that amusing: Seattle has seven expensive self-cleaning restrooms that require someone to come in a few times a day to clean them up.
Another ten or fifteen minutes passed before the doors opened again. Mr. Utility Worker, who must have had a bladder and anus of steel to hold it all in so long, told me to go ahead and get another picture. He didn't want me to wait another twenty minutes. What a sweet and darling man to put PoopReport before his need to go! I quickly snapped this:
And then I got out of the way so the utility worker could go relieve himself. Notice the cute teddy bear. I'm sure he loved it there.
I want to apologize for the poor quality of the photos and for not sticking around to take better ones. Camera phones are not renowned for their quality pictures, and Mr. Poopie and I wanted to do other things besides hang around a public toilet for hours. These things take a ridiculously long time to spray themselves down; so if you need to pee, I suggest you find another restroom. Or an alley.
