This account of a bizarre restroom conversation (login: poopreport / password: poopreport) appeared in the "Metropolitan Diary," a column of reader-submitted stories which appears Mondays in The New York Times.

I had barely sat down when I heard a voice from the other bathroom stall saying, "How are you?" I don't know what got into me, but I answered, somewhat embarrassed, "Doin' just fine." And the other person said, "So what are you up to?" (What kind of a question is that?)

At that point, I was thinking, "This is too bizarre," so I said, "Uh, I'm like you - just traveling." At this point I was just trying to get out as fast as I could when I heard another question. "Can I come over?" O.K., this question was just too weird for me, but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I answered: "No. I'm a little busy right now."

Then I heard the person say, nervously: "Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the next stall who keeps answering all my questions." --Dorothy Seeber

I have often wondered what I would do the first time I encountered a guy in a stall next to me talking on his cell phone. But inspired by Dorothy, I've now got a plan -- I'm going to respond as if the person is talking to me.

Asshole: How are you?
Me: Fine, but I'd be happier if there were fewer assholes in the world.
Asshole: So, what are you up to?
Me: Oh, I'm trying to take a dump. But unfortunately there's an asshole in the next stall wanting to converse.
Asshole: Can I come over?
Me: Sure. But give me a second to load my revolver.