This just in: Chrysler, on the other hand, says you can take your time. "We're not gonna use a stopwatch, turning a natural function into an Olympic sport," said Jason Vines, the automaker's vice president of communications. "That... would just be... well... too anal."

Vines said that Chrysler allots 46 minutes per shift for bathroom breaks. Japanese automakes in the US, he says, allot only 30.

"'That's quite a difference in, um, line speed,' said Vines' posting."

"'It's no secret that the longer plant workers are on the job, the better it is for productivity,' the posting said. 'On the other hand, you have to admit, U.S. auto companies are pretty magnanimous in agreeing to a more leisurely, quality rest room respite.'"

I think it's great that Chrysler is supporting the worker's right to poop on the company's dollar. But Logjam's question is still unanswered: is 46 minutes a bit excessive?

Of course, it's not just 46 minutes per shit. It's 46 minutes in the bathroom per day. Let's say that's three trips to pee and two to poo. Let's say that time walking from the floor to the throne counts towards this 46 minutes. Let's say each trip to pee takes five minutes -- two minutes of walking, one minute of doing; that leaves two trips to poo at 11 minutes each (once walking is factored in). I guess that's pretty reasonable.

So if Ford wants to really improve their productivity, their best bet is probably to serve more vegetables in the employee cafeteria. Or spike the coffee with Metamucil.

My question is this...if quantity is their (the manufactureres) primary concern, fine, but what happens to quality, when those line workers are more focused on keeping ass cheeks locked down, rather than attending to their task? Is this the reason for so many recalls?

Frankly, I don't think job efficiency should ever be a function of time spent indulging bodily functions. Balancing plant efficiency via timing employee trips to the toilet is outright oppression and shouldn't be on any supervisory list of things to implement.

There is no way any worker who has to go and is either not allowed to or must worry about Big Brother noticing how often he goes will be as productive as one who works in a bathroom-friendly environment.

I know what I'm talking about. I quit a job I endured for a year because my immediate supervisor was a former military guy who tried to run a private business like boot camp.

I wrote a story about it, in fact. He once called me into his office and told me that the cleaning lady had complained because I took too long in the mens' room in the mornings.

Employees need breaks throughout the day, and some people have bladders that need draining more often than others. There are other ways to increase plant/workplace efficiency besides riding herd on peoples' bowels and bladders.

End of rant.

I usually dump twice a day, 25 minutes each. My suprvisor is a women and she is always on my ass about taking luch long dumps. I really think she likes yelling into the bathroom when I am on the dumper.

It's like working at NOVA English school in Japan. You had 40 minute lessons with a 10 minute break in between in which you had to change teaching stations, get materials preprared, and if you were so unlucky, shit.

Happy trails,
L. Wrong
Chairman & CEO, PPK Industries

I'd hate to see the auto industry end up like NASA: giving employees special suits with internal "bladder and bowel relief systems" built in so they can keep working while relieving themselves.

PooperGal
"Searching for the Origin of the Feces"

i don't get it. do people really think that other people have any kind of control over how long it takes them to pee or poop (mostly poop), or how often they need to do it? do they not realize that different people have different amounts of poop they need to dispose of, and at different rates? i know that i (and, of course, the rest of you on PR) might know a little bit more about pooping habits than a normal person, but i still knew that i don't poop as much/little or as often/rarely as other people long before i came to this site.

i know that a lot of people probably take advantage of potty breaks to do things other than poop, but those who only use their breaks to do what they gotta do shouldn't have to suffer because of that. sounds like they need to get a bathroom monitor, like they have in elementary schools sometimes. you know, someone to make sure they don't just hang around in there playing in the sinks.

I worked in an extremely large foundry where it could take you ten minutes to walk to the shitter. We had real problems with guys who would be gone for hours each day on "bathroom breaks". I did time studies in the plant and we had a welding department that lost 35% of it's time due to bathroom breaks, huge cost when you consider there were 40 people getting paid $16.50 and up per hour.

I work at Ford Motor Company. And let me tell you, that we have a guy whos job is specifically to give bathroom breaks. He, himself can be gone to the shitter or whereever it is that he goes for hours at a time. But when us line rats, need a shit break it is a BIG F#*@ing deal! As a woman, we get monthly cycles, sometimes that takes a bit longer than the normal, you know what I mean? And as for me, I am always constipated, taking a dump, means lots of hard work and concentration! Quit crying Ford, and please quit B*#ching! All those sitting up in corporate, are able to take a shit, whenever they damn well please!

I say spike corporate and the "shit break" guy's coffee with lots of laxative. Get a union rep to gather metrics on THEM. Then put a turd wrapped with an ass gasket in the suggestion box. For bonus points....write on the ass gasket "ATTN CORPORATE: Bathroom attendance LOG"...Then again maybe not...CORP would hire two more shit break guys.(!)

Going with Constipated Chick's and Mott the Poople's ideas, why don't they collect data on pencil-pusher bathroom usage then compare the numbers? I bet they're much higher, and their productivity is just as essential to keep the company running as the folks working the line, so... give them a taste of their own medicine and assign "shit break" guys to them too.

I've contacted "Constipated Chick" -- looks like we're going to get a full report about the situation at Ford soon.

That would be pretty bad if Ford made employees wear Maximum Absorbtion Garments (What NASA calls diapers). Actually I think the reason Astronots wear MAG's is because when you're out in space it would take too long (1 hr +) to go into the space ship, get out of suit, take dump (which takes longer becuase of all the procedures to use the space-crapper) get in suit and get back out.

But thats what we just looked down upon. Oh.

Its better that it used to be, though. In the 70's you took this ziplock bag, attached it to your ass with glue, and took dump while other crew looked on to make sure your shit all made it into the bag.

Hey not having to take one hour to get to a crapper sounds good to me. Dont gotta walk anywhere, just take a shit and keep on working.

Logjam, I had to take my "monster" Ford Explorer to the shop today, and when I found out what it was going to cost to do some relatively minor repair work on it, I now know what my hard-earned dollars are going to support.

If you want some free legal advice, I seem to remember that the U.S. Supreme Court held a number of years ago that you have a Constitutional right to go to the bathroom, but I can't remember the name of the case.

P.S.--Did you hear the one about the absent-minded secretary who came out of the restroom with a Tampax behind her ear and asked, "now, where did I put my pencil?"

Sounds like Ford is run by a bunch of Poop Nazis. I also think they are making an excuse for bad sales. It's kind of like blaming the kids when standardized test scores go down.

Personally, I will not buy an SUV because I don't need a car that gets 13 miles to the gallon. Especially one of those fucking Ford Excusions. These cars are built strictly for status symbols and have no real use in the outdoors. Half the people who drive SUVs, particularly Fords, Hummers, or those awful Cadilac thingys, are too prissy to survive out in the open desert or up in the mountains away from cell phones and Swiss chalets.

we all know that FORD stands for:

Found On Road Dead or

Fix Or Repair Daily

but im trying to think of one now about poop.

Farting On Road Deadly?

becuase their employeese get short breaks? I dunno.

TSV, I REALLY need an SUV, because, unlike most of the pantywaists who drive them as status symbols, my young son and I have a place up in the mountains that we need a 4-wheel drive to get to.

Also, a big vehicle like that is needed to pull things like boats, trailers, and--MOST IMPORTANT TO READERS OF THIS SITE--my brand-new log splitter.

But you are probably right about the gas. Surely all of us at PoopReport could figure out a solution to this nation's 'gas' shortage?

Well, Dumpster, you actually use an SUV for something SUVs were made for. A big ol' truck or whatever shouldn't be confined to the city when it really wants to haul boats and play in the mountains. (The real mountains, not the ski lodge on Saturday.) Plus, I assume you probably have a good quality one that doesn't vapor lock at the top of a mountain pass.

I can't believe how many Fords I've passed in my 17-year-old Chevy truck as they smoke and backfire on top of Conway Summit (US 395). It's really funny when one of those 1980s Volkswagon minivans pass them right behind me. No one is speeding or driving like a maniac, we just have to pass because the speed limit is 30 miles above what out small dicked compatriots are going.

The funniest are the Land Rover and Hummer owners who decide to try for remote country in a vehical that gets only about 8 miles to the gallon. ("Well, the car commercials show it.") I see them all the time, wearing tennis visors and white polo shirts, standing around at the side of the road looking all pissed as their cell phone refuses to work. Most of the time I spot them about fifty miles out from the little blue sign that said "next gas station 80 miles. Buttlick, Nevada, 150 miles." Yeah, I suppose I shouldn't swerve to hit the enormous puddle as I pass, but polo shirts look much better in terra cotta red.

I know what you mean. It feels good to be the Bad Samaritan once in a while. You want to yell, "go back to the country club where you belong!" Those tennis visor assholes have always made me feel like Rodney Dangerfield in "Caddyshack." What they need these monster vehicles for are:

1. Transporting squads of identical adolescent girls to and from the movies, soccer practice, etc.

2. Transporting enough groceries home from the Kroger to feed an entire third world nation for a month. It kills me to see these little thin, blonde women (Tom Wolfe calls them "social x-rays") shoving a cart the size of a tractor-trailer through the grocery store. You wonder how it all gets turned into poo.

3. Most importantly, transporting tons of additional worldly goods home from the mall. Poor gals; generally, one look is all it takes to realize they probably haven't had a really good shit or a really good climax in over 20 years, and the closest they ever get to orgasm is in the fitting room at Nieman-Marcus. Maybe these are the people who should go to work for Ford; they would never have to take bathroom breaks!

If ya wanna go offroad/in snow get an ATV/4-wheeler.

I have a van becuase I cart around a lot of lumber and it get 15 mpg. I use it for what its made, but I also go sking in WV and it has AWD. I need AWD and large cargo capcity (more tahn pickup actually) because

Once when I was going skiing at said WV resort, (actually not a resort, 20 years ond and needs refurbishing) it began to snow as i drove up there in my 2WD toyota tercel. (Shoulda baught 4WD model, but im a cheapskate) As I was driving through a mountain pass, sheer rock walls on both sides and fishtailing, an 18-wheeler came screaming down the other side.
I could hear it brakign but not slowing and it was halfway into my lane on the 2-lane road that had no shoulder in this area. I nearly crapped my pants as i couldn't make the choice between getting run over by tractor trailer or running into rock.I hit teh brakes and swerved, block my lane completeley and the truck missed me by inches. The guy behind me hit his brakes and hit the wall, minor damage only though. The need to crap was still there and it became urgent as i got out to help the guy. I had to rip down my 80 layers of clothing and shit on the side of the road in front of this stranger. Then as i continued my trip, on a hairpin turn and still fishtailing, I was nearly run down by an SUV with 4WD passing me and speeding. I cussed out and flipped off the "West Virginia Hick". Later I found out it was a neighbor of mine. Oh well.

SO thats my excuse for having a gas guzzler.

KOC, sounds like you guzzled the gas in more ways than one that night! But you were fortunate; this is the reason I insist on a 4 wheel drive for the steep places.

Last New Year's Eve (04-05), my son and I were at our place up in the mountains, along with my female cousin (and, hell, no; this ain't Ark. or W. Va., so don't go getting any ideas!). It was icy, and after midnight we were all rudely awakened by a terrible crash just inches from our front door. Make a long story short, some rich, big-city doctor and his concubine were trying to find the cabin of a friend--DRIVING IN A F***ING LITTLE RED JAGUAR!!! Needless to say, the Jag had slipped off the road and tobogganed down the moutainside to my house (on the creek).

Fortunately, neither one of them were badly hurt, although (hahahahaha) the Jag was totaled. They were drunk/stoned, and he had puked in the car and I'm pretty certain she had shit in her pants (you all know how BAD girlshit smells!!). I was able to determine whose cabin they were looking for, and as it wasn't far I gladly walked them up there (no way I'm letting this stinking trash in MY car), and broke into the place for them. Anything to keep these assholes from spending the night with us!

I told them they could check with us the next morning, but they never did. We shut up our place and left with the wrecked Jag still in the front yard. Next time I came back it was gone, so I assume Doc had sobered up and gotten a wrecker down there.

I wonder what kind of night they had after I left them in their cabin? You see, their luggage was all in the car, so Ms. PoopyPants evidently spent the night and all the next day butt naked, just as the Devil intended her to be....