Under ordinary circumstances, I occupy a space for at least twenty minutes when I'm dropping shit there. I like to give gravity time. On a plane, though, I behave quite differently. There I keep it to three minutes, tops. I try for shorter times when there's a line. In the past, this has been both a matter of courtesy and residual shamefulness -- I just can't face the perp walk past a long line of people who know for sure I've been shitting.
But now I have a third reason to cut it short on a plane: the possibility that alarmed passengers, concluding that I'm up to no good in there, will force down the plane. This is what happened to a passenger on an XLA flight taxiing for take-off from Cyprus.
"All I saw was a couple of Arab looking gents with white skullcaps," a British passenger who identified himself only as Chris, 45, told journalists. "What became suspicious is one went to the toilet and went for a long time. He was in the loo for about 10 minutes."
The passengers alerted the pilot, who refused to continue the flight. The guy in the loo and his traveling partner were questioned, and all luggage was pulled off the plane and checked, but nothing suspicious turned up. The flight left Cyprus on Monday, without the two passengers, who departed on a different aircraft -- I'd guess at their request.
Maybe because I'm not Arab I could get away with a few more minutes, but how many more? I think most people can tell just by looking at me that I'm no Bush supporter, and certainly that would cut into the time I'd be allowed on the pot. I'm not going to be taking any chances.
