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Rules I could live by

Posted 01.13.2006 by Logjam
Uma Thurman has been the rounds with a few men now, enough to know what she wants. She recently summed up her philosophy this way:

"It seems harder and harder to make contact with men, especially for mature women. But it's better to have a relationship with someone who cheats on you than someone who doesn't flush the toilet."

Now, I'm as nervous as the next guy about making binding promises. But I do know that I could look Uma in the eye and vow to be, at minimum, a cheating flusher. So at the risk of seeming too forward: Uma, Logjam. Logjam, Uma.

Show some poop support, or make a poop retort.
The Dumpster (2510) -- 01.13.2006

Logjam, my girlfriend, Hermione, who as you may know I am in the process of trying to rescue from old maid-hood, said that, aside from my studly body, the other thing that turned her on was that I was the first man in her life since her Father who put the toilet seat back down.

The Big Wiper (2240) -- 01.13.2006

But would she dump you if she viewed your poo and pee, Dumpster? Uma seems a bit uptight to me.

Bunga Din (1238) -- 01.13.2006

Well she wasn't gonna drink from there forever was she? I'm so sorry but this was like a lob to John McEnroe after a blown call, just too frigging easy, no harm meant Dumpster.

Great comment!
Bunga Dins Mom (not verified) -- 01.13.2006

Bunga, that wasn't nice, apologize, we raised you to become a remorsefull drunk, no a bitter drunk. You have five minutes and if you don't it's no more computer time for you...UNDERSTOOD!

Bunga Din (1238) -- 01.13.2006

Sorry Dumpster, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, I was just playing around, still friends ok?

PooperGal (527) -- 01.13.2006

Hate to be a party pooper, but Uma is holding the sword wrong. Very sloppy "broken wrist" grasp. tsk tsk.

PooperGal
"Searching for the Origin of the Feces"

Fart Poopie (1257) -- 01.13.2006

Well, Poopergal, we can't expect all the celebrity bimbos to hold a katana the right way. :-)

I'd rather find a turd floating in the toilet than find my husband in bed with another woman. Not flushing is a big deal, but not THAT big of a deal.

The Dumpster (2510) -- 01.13.2006

Bunga, I'm so dense I can't figure out what the insult was supposed to be. That's pretty bad, isn't it? Especially when your own Mom gets it!

Keep this up and I will track Heather down and put her in touch with you.

Fart Poopie, speaking of preferences, I have roses on my piano, but I'd rather have tulips on my organ.

The Dumpster (2510) -- 01.13.2006

Oh. I get it--drinking from the toilet--like a dog. Everybody, bunga is calling my beloved Hermione a dog! Bunga, isn't it a bit early in the day for you to be shitfaced, or have you just not ever sobered up from last night?

Fart Poopie (1257) -- 01.13.2006

Fun with Puns. Lovely.

Bunga Din (1238) -- 01.14.2006

I can understand your guess regarding my sobriety after that horrid stretch of typing above but alas tis not true, just careless.

The Dumpster (2510) -- 01.14.2006

I just have one rather, ah, indelicate remark to make about Uma's picture above. It makes me want to, in the words of the old slogan, "Eat at the Y."

Bunga Din (1238) -- 01.14.2006

Yes Dumpster you've latched onto something I saw earlier but was hesitant to comment on, major camel toe.

The Dumpster (2510) -- 01.14.2006

You, bunga, "hesitant" to make a rude, misogynistic comment? This is not the bunga we have come to know and worry about.

KeepOnCrappin (545) -- 01.14.2006

Mysogynistic??? ahh big words.

The Dumpster (2510) -- 01.15.2006

His father is a philanthropist and his mother is a thespian.

And I'm a misanthropist. Plus, for the first time in 2 1/2 years, I am constipated.

AssBlaster2000 (1117) -- 01.15.2006

Dumpster, bunga, my friends, that is not camel toe, that is the entire camel hoof. Damn.

The Dumpster (2510) -- 01.15.2006

It is rather, ah, attention-getting, isn't it? Wonder what she has on 'round back? I mean, if the front is yellow, shouldn't the back be...?

KeepOnCrappin (545) -- 01.16.2006

Oh, god dumpster, please.

KeepOnCrappin (545) -- 01.16.2006

Damn TD, look at your points! 260 omg. YOu gain 100 on me in one week.

ONE FUCKING WEEK!

Fart Poopie (1257) -- 01.17.2006

I think her outfit was made that way to attract your attention there.

Great comment! +1 point
The Dumpster (2510) -- 01.17.2006

Yeah, but why such a bulge? What is it so barely restraining? If you peeled off that Spandex, she probably looks like she's got Buckwheat in a headlock.

Logjam (2356) -- 01.17.2006

You all are talking about the woman I just proposed to!!!!

AssBlaster2000 (1117) -- 01.17.2006

Buckwheat in a headlock is officially the funniest thing I have ever heard.

The Dumpster (2510) -- 01.20.2006

LJ, what was her response? And what drew you to her in the first place? Uma's starting to get a few miles on her now--see just the hint of a pot belly? (Or maybe that's some more of the Buckwheat.)

Anyway, I figure in another 8 to 10 years, Uma will start looking like my Aunt Prunella. Save yourself for something better.

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