I thought it was appropriate that the Boy and Girl Scouts went beyond the call of doodie for this event. But, my, how times have changed! When I was a Cub Scout, getting a merit badge for flushing the toilet would have been out of the question.

We didn't have these kind of badges when I was a girl scout, either. Geez. All I got badges for was camping, selling cookies, leadership, community service... I mean, getting a badge for flushing the most toilets would be cool, but to flush one single toilet and not even get dirty! How could you accept that badge? I mean, they even wore gloves. I'd be ashamed, very ashamed.

And if you're getting a badge for poop related things, how about who can dig the a cat hole the fastet? Or helping clean up old people who have soiled themselves?....something more competetive and involved. I flush multiple toilets every day. Can I get a medal?

Yeah but whats the badge going to have on it? A toilet? poop? Rubber Gloves?

No. It'll just have a picture of a Fox News reporter on it.

Guess the phrase "Shit a Brick" is more than allegory now!
Have a crappy day!
La P.

Good piece of Poop Reporting, TBW. I do believe the Scouts should have a merit badge for this, as they certainly proved that they will, on their honor, do their duty.

PooperGal
"Searching for the Origin of the Feces"

Oh, I definitely agree with you, PooperGal. And I'm sure those young scouts had a blast going around flushing toilets on purpose. I can just hear all the giggling now. The Cajundome deserves kudos for coming up with the patch for these good shitizens of the future.

I know a little about the BSA, and suspect that these are patches the scouts can wear, but not the same thing as "merit badges," which would have to come from scout headquarters and would require fulfilling specific requirements, one of which is not being gay.

But talking of badges brought to mind the great line from The Treasure of the Sierra Madre: “We don't need no badges. I don't have to show you any stinking badges!"

At least the Girl Scouts could get merit badges, though. There is nothing in their official policy about lesbianism. Yet. I got a good chuckle imagining a bunch of giggling Brownies and Junior Scouts flushing merrily away, finally getting some recognition for something other than selling cookies.

PooperGal
"Searching for the Origin of the Feces"

Finally, the little scouts see the payoff for that perennial statement out of their mothers' mouths: "Be sure and flush when you're finished!"

O God--This reminds me of an experience I had at Russell Hall while a student at the University of Georgia back in the '70's. I was employed part time as a front desk assistant. It was the Sunday night after a big Georgia win on Saturday. Russell is 10 stories high, and had a garbage chute which went all the way from the top floor to the basement. As usual on such a weekend, the trash had backed up the chute to about the 4th floor. As usual, some wiseguy had to throw a Molotov Cocktail into it to start some fun. We had a procedure to deal with this--there was a standpipe at the top of the chute which you could turn on and flood the whole thing to put out the fire.

We had a new assistant named Claxton (not his real name), and when the fire alarm went off I instructed him to go hose down the chute. Unfortunately, he got mixed up and went to the basement instead, where there was a device called the "Niagra Valve," which, when tripped, would automatically flush every toilet in Russell Hall simultaneously (my count may be off, but I seem to remember this involved about 300 bowls/urinals).

So, then next thing I heard was a mighty roar from all corners of the building like the Second Coming of Jesus Christ. You bathroom denizens know what happens when all the cold water is diverted from the plumbing. There were guys who had been in the showers screaming naked down the halls with second-degree burns, as well as poopsters running from the cans with pants hitched up around their middles shouting "what the f***," or words to that effect.

The only way to close down the flushing was that every handle on every john had to be pulled individually. Our P.A. system was only powerful enough to handle two floors at a time (plus the deafening thunder of the water cascading through this many shitters/pissers at once), so five times I had to repeat the announcement: "Your attention please--everyone go to the nearest bathroom and pull each toilet handle until the flushing stops."

But by this time the fire in the trash chute was out of control, and the Athens Fire Department had come in. We had to evacuate, and someone finally figured out that shutting off the water to the whole building would stop the flushing.

All of this dropped the water pressure in that part of Athens so much that the Fire Department had to station a pumper truck at the top of Baxter Street for the rest of the night. I noticed last time I was in Athens that they've now built a new water tower up there. Wonder if it should be dedicated to Claxton?

Anyway, I know this isn't a true shit story, but it seemed to follow The Big Wiper's thread. I'm sure there were many guys with Mr. Brown in their pants over this incident.

Oh, and I never saw Claxton again. The Athens FPD gave me a commendation for my cool handling of this situation.

Dear Dumpster: This is a terrifically well-written and interesting story. Please do me a favor and submit this to our webmaster, Dave, at dave@poopreport.com

You can mention that it has already been posted as a comment in the B.M. Newswire under the Great Cajundome Flushout article and that I thought he'd want to consider it for the Front Page.

And, by all means, Dumpster, please continue to contribute to PR. I haven't enjoyed a story so much in a long time.

Regards,

TBW

I will second this vote for a front page submission!

And I third it.

Speaking of boy scouts and awards (O yea, we were discussing that before this amazing poop story)

Merit Badge=is about somthifn, i.e. Personal Fitness MB or Plumbing MB

Cub Scouts are the ones who get patches. They wear vests covered in them

Wreaths Sales, Pinewood Derby, Blue-gold banquets, etc. The cub scouts would get the patch,

boy scouts, probably a letter of commendation

I do have experience on ths subject, I taught cub scouts one summer.

Note difference between cub scouts and BSA.

I am flattered/humbled by this positive response by some of the Kings of Crap to my first shit story. Unfortunately, Pope Dave doesn't seem to think it's true. But it is! As I live, breathe, and, well, you know, perform other bodily functions.... Anybody out there go to UGA??

Dumpster -- this is what confused me:

"Anyway, I know this isn't a true shit story, but it seemed to follow The Big Wiper's thread."

I took that as an admission of fiction. Reading it again, I think you might be saying that it wasn't fully a story about poop... is that interpretation more accurate?

I failed to express myself clearly. That was what ruined my marriage. This story is TRUE, but my point is it might not have been directly on the thread. It deals with poop as it deals with poop--if we ought to put it somewhere else that is fine.

Again I am flattered that the big logs in the bowl have deigned to notice my work. I like the "aroma" of this group and would like to be a part. Just tell me what to do, and, together, we will save the world, one toilet at a time.

Submit a few good stories (you seem fairly literate, so that's definitely a plus), and by all means join the forums. Link to those is found also on the left hand side of the page under "Report Poop."

Bill Clinton was an expert at getting out of trouble by parsing things a certain way, much to my chagrin. But the statement--"I know this isn't a true shit story" wasn't misinterpreted by myself when I recommended it to Dave-O. I read it to mean--"I know this isn't a classic shit story" and that was precisely what The Dumpster meant. Didn't occur to me to interpret it the other way.

At any rate, the story stands on its own. I particularly appreciated the organization and flow. Glad the misundertanding has been cleared up and hope to read much more of you soon on the Front Page and Forums, as AB2K suggests.

I can see where it would be confusing. I thought he meant "true" as in not directly related to shit or something, because it was mostly the thrill of the toilet, etc.

Back on topic, why doesn't the Cajun Dome have one of those big flush-everything valves? Was it broken? Or did I miss something? (groan, again!)

Not every building is equipped with one of these devices. They only work on the Delaney-valve type units you see in commmercial establishments, not on your residential type unit with a tank up top. Or, it could be broken.

Also, TSV, you being of the feminine persuasion, would not know that in sports arenas most men's rooms are equipped with a common urinal such as a long trough or a circular thing like a fountain. These things don't flush per se; rather water just flows through them.

However, from what I've heard about conditions in the Big Easy, I imagine they are going to find all the urinals stopped up with shit, too. This is bad business, especially when paper gets involved, because usually they have to be mucked out by hand.

I remember when I was 9 or 10, being at the movies, and I had to go to the restroom. I found a big boy from my school named (for obvious reasons) "Fatback" taking a dump in the urinal. He said all the commodes were out of order. Even back then, I had enough sense to realize that Fatback was in the process of putting that urinal out of order, too. In fact, the smell of what he was doing put my stomach so out of order that I had to leave and couldn't finish the movie.

There are more Fatback stories, but Dave has told me to put a plug in it for now. Just look for this one: "It's a Chili Wind that Blows Nobody Any Good: Fatback vs. The School Lunchroom."

This kind of post, I think distinguished an actual Poop Report, from the standard PoopReport story.

Good job BW!

Reminder to self: Submit Fatback stories in 2007.

i'd like to know how a brick got flushed?

I have seen some very powerful toilets, but none able to flush a brick.

_______
"-55F, a new record low? Nope, thermometer went bad. Looks like -50F still stands"

Awww. I found Dumpie's first post. I think I shall print it out and frame it.

By the way, Dumpiedear, how're we coming on those Fatback stories?