The modern toilet coupled to a functioning sewer system is really a miracle. With a flick of the finger, you can dispense with half a pound of crap, several sheets of fouled toilet paper, a pint of pee, and a quart of vomit in a matter of three seconds. Think about that.

While you're thinking, let me remind you that it was at a wedding in Canaan that Jesus purportedly performed his first miracle, turning a jug of water into wine when he noticed the supply running low. Predictably, that earned him some acclaim. But imagine instead that he had snapped his fingers and made all the shit from the wedding guests just disappear. That move, my friends, would have gotten him invited to every future wingding within a hundred mile radius.

Today we take this trick entirely for granted -- to the extent that when problems develop, it becomes news, reported in language befitting Stephen King. Here are just a couple recent examples.

• Last Sunday, problems developed in Bryan Hall at the College of William and Mary when sewage drains in the basement level got clogged. Sophomores Jessica Burridge and Jessica Snead said they were woken by the offensive smell. Frantically, they "shoved towels and clothing under their bedroom door to stop the water from getting in." Can't you just see the vile water inching towards their door while they waited inside with only socks on their feet, praying their hastily-constructed dam will hold? I can't wait for the movie to come out.
  
  
• A couple weeks ago, 17 houses in the Edgemont neighborhood of Provo, Utah were invaded by sewage when the system backed up. "There's just not words to describe what's going on down there," said one man of his basement.
  
  
• Paul Dalebout had a foot of raw sewage in his basement, too, but it was what he saw in his bathroom that left him horrified: "It was just gushing up out of the toilet like a geyser." You get the sense that he'll never be able to look at his toilet in the same way again.

  This was the second time in five years that these houses had been visited by the sewage monster. That first backup was due to asphalt chunks in the sewer line. This time it was caused by someone having stuffed a large dog into the sewer line. For Dalebout's wife, Donna, this is the turd that broke the camel's back: "I can't take this anymore," she said. "We're going to have to move."

I think it's helpful for us to wallow in such scary tales. Not to prepare us for such a catastrophe -- because nothing could do that ' but rather because they serve to remind us of how wonderful it is when the toilet works as it should. It's really a miracle.