I have no idea what was in that syringe, but I know there have been times that I wish I would have had some in my medicine cabinet....great story.

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I poop because I am...I am because I poop.

Nice! I love it when the first sentence of a story can be over 9 lines long and still reads well. This is a notice to me that I'm going to enjoy the story even if it's boring, which this wasn't.

I don't have a clue as to what the syringe contained. It could have been a cocktail of anti-diarrhea medicines, anti-nauseants, or something of the like coupled with a specific anti-biotic broad spectrum dealio?

I know there is a type of treatment that stops liquid shits because it's an anti-spasmodic, but who knows if this is what you received.

Where's Poonurse when you need her?

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Good story but why does every skin flute in the galaxy feel the need to take a dig at President Reagan when they write something? You don't see me making references about Komrade Klinton in every story.

The injection was irinotecan hydrochloride. I know because I am the surgeon general, C Everett Poop.

Or it could have been B-12

According to the web, that's an antineoplastic drug. It's supposed to be used in the fight against colon cancer that's gone beyond the colon. I wish that had been around for my grampa back in 1987. Maybe he could have had some well-deserved relief. He suffered quite a bit towards the end, especially with having to poop and being so sick that he couldn't make it to the toilet.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

I'm fascinated by the "Poor Richard" (a/k/a Ben Franklin) quote, above. In the same 1736 publication of Poor Richard's Almanack, he also said:

Fish & Visitors stink in 3 days.

Diligence is the Mother of Good-Luck.

Never praise your Cyder, Horse, or Bedfellow.

Let thy maidservant be faithful, strong, and homely.

There's more old Drunkards than old Doctors.

She that paints her Face, thinks of her Tail.

He that takes a wife, takes care.

God helps them that help themselves.

Why does the blind man's wife paint herself.

The rotten Apple spoils his Companion.

Don't throw stones at your neighbours, if your own windows are glass.

Force shites upon Reason's Back.

He that speaks much, is much mistaken.

Creditors have better memories than debtors.

Forwarn'd, forearm'd, unless in the case of Cuckolds, who are often forearm'd before warn'd.

Three things are men most liable to be cheated in, a Horse, a Wig, and a Wife.

He that lives well, is learned enough.

Poverty, Poetry, and new Titles of Honour, make Men ridiculous.

He that scatters Thorns, let him not go barefoot.

God heals, and the Doctor takes the Fees.

He that would live in peace & at ease,
Must not speak all he knows, nor judge all he sees.

_______
Send all your money to Bilgepump, or to Dave!

Toilet Eel-- Good story! I had to laugh at the "and wild vaca-sex" line, since at first I read it "vaca" and not "vacay". Vaca means cow.

I thought you went to Mexico for cow sex.

But only for a second.

You should get bonus points for farting near those nosey tourists.

Great story... I never knew what people saw in Duran Duran

I love the fart reference of "questioning kitty mews." Brilliant!

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~Metaphors Be With You~

Great story, Toilet Eel. Keep them flowing. CEP whines "...why does every skin flute in the galaxy feel the need to take a dig at President Reagan when they write something?" Gees, I'd never noticed this, and hate it when I'm out of step with current trends. I just sent a story to Dave, but am going to send him a revision that includes a dig at the Gipper. Thanks for clueing me in, CEP.

I never mention stuff happening when Clinton or Bush were President. Well, I do, but I don't mention the presidents.

I too thought of cow sex for a short moment. This is an awesomely written story. And can I get some of that medicine?

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

So Logjam, you admit to being a skin flute?

With the right woman, there is nothing I'd rather be. And now there is the added benefit of being able to take every occasion to bash Reagan and his successors and have it written off as beyond my control. Thanks again, SS Poop.

Let's not get political, folks!

Mexico, is a country that you have to go native with, specially with restaurants and bars.

Never had a problem. Always gone native, tend to travel to off the beaten track places, with hire cars, either from California or locally.

Been in a few bars where you have to piss against one tiled wall which gets let out by a hole down by the wall. These sort of bars are usually entered by swing doors, like the ones in Clint Eastwood films.

Guys - get out there and discover the weirdness of foreign shitting.

The Dumpster asks, "Everett vs. Logjam ... two big bull crocodiles battled each other to the death.. But over what??"

daphne, would you please take The Dumpster aside and explain this to him? Thanks.

It was probably Sandostatin. It's used, typically in a hospital setting, for severe diarrhea. Physicians in other countries use it a little more freely as they do other drugs.

I am wondering what is going on in terms of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs?

Never mind--that would all be wasted on Everett, anyway. I am torn between wanting to be just as clever/insightful as Logjam, and just as pithy/acerbic as Everett.

Nevertheless, as a single father who has not had to go through the experience of explaining "nuclear winter" to his son (as did many friends a few years older than me), I do feel some debt to the Gipper.

I know I'm coming in a bit late, but:
A) Reagan was the best president ever.
B) Technically, (please Gip, forgive me), he did lose his mind. So what? Eel's crack was cheap, but not, in the end, incorrect.

Great story, by the way.

Wait, wait, wait!! I can see it coming--a political discussion, all of which will be deleted by the Keepers of the Blue Flame (i.e. the Censors).

So, I have started a forum post entitled Resolved: Reagan was the best President ever. Take these comments there, because this is a discussion we NEED to have!

(And maybe, at long last, Logjam will condescend to join the forums!)

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Send all your money to Bilgepump, or to Dave!

Great story, Toilet Eel! (Great name, too!)

I have to agree with C.E.P. on the political state of this website. Just look at the first dozen or so comments on "The 10 Stages of Pooping." Why did almost every comment get lamed, except for the one about the Bushes eating poop? Bunch of fiery liberals running and moderating this site, that's why. (-1 point, -1 point!)

Dumpster - you reckon CEP vs Logjam...a decent fight, or even Presidential foes??

Both have no guts - I`ve already asked CEP to come with me and take over Eastern Congo, he bottled out. As for Logjam, well......

You`ve got serious problems come next election. I`m available...just need to change your constitution guys.

Something is wrong with the page layout! I think it is because of Pipe Nighmare's http reference, above.

Calling AB2K!! Calling AB2K!! Come over and help us!

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Send all your money to Bilgepump, or to Dave!

Dumpster. You are on the ball! Quick and decisive action. Most excellent.

Dumpster, a legal brain....can I be up for Presidency now that CEP no longer has the cojones (certainly for foreign ventures)?

Most likely, like Arnie, I`d have to get a green card and do a spell as Governor for a year or so.

I can do that.

Everett, like Newt Gingrich, has been co-opted by The Establishment.

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Send all your money to Bilgepump, or to Dave!

I seriously doubt any of you worms understand the Surgeon General in the least bit.

I smell The Shit Volcano erupting with another political rant that I will totally agree with...

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

Sorry I screwed up the page layout. I KNOW it was me because it changed as soon as I hit post. I won't be trying any more http links.

Try posting them like this...
Click <a href="http://www.poopreport.com">here</a> to go to PoopReport.

How did I get < and > to show up? The codes for them are &lt, and &gt;, respectively.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

Http link is fixed. It freaked me out though. I thought I did something wrong this morning when posting the story. It was a relief to know that I didn't.

With regards to the "vaca-sex", I thought the same as GGG. I skimmed it briefly before posting it, and when I read that I was thinking, "They went to Mexico, and vaca means cow in Spanish, and he said sex . . . EWWWWWW!!!! COW SEX!!!" Then I went back and read the whole thing and I got it. I debated editing it for clarity but figured it would be fun to see if anyone else had the same reaction as I did.

As far as the political comments, thanks for not making my job any harder than it has to be this week. What's up here isn't bad enough for my lazy ass to delete. I have never seen any of the comments that Dave has deleted (they happen during the day and I only visit PR at night) so I don't know what the criteria for deletion are. Don't make me find out.

Double Flush, you are such a nerd. (I mean that in a good way.)

Thank you, O great AB2K (She Who Must Be Obeyed) for fixing this thread, AND for cautioning us about "getting political" on the main page in Dave's absence. Please, folks, take this to the forums.

DF, AB2K makes a gentle point that you need to consider, and to which I would add: Please don't turn yourself into the next KOC of this site, and suffer a big public knockdown.

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Send all your money to Bilgepump, or to Dave!

Dude, I was SO not trying to compare DF to KOC (no offense KOC) or anyone else. I meant he was a nerd because he knew all the html tags. I do not think being a nerd is a bad thing. In fact, I aspire to be more nerdy myself. I make a living being a damn nerd.

I think I need Sandostatin! Every dump I take begins with 2-3 hours of cramping and misery... I wonder where I can get some...
Doctor says I just need more fiber, which is BS because I tried that and it just makes me crap more often (still with cramps for an hour beforehand) and have constant stinky gas.

I'm a geek, not a nerd! Geeks are those like me who are rather technological. Nerds stay after school and can't wait til 8am rolls back around after they leave.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

Okay, guys? If I read Eel's story right, I think the reference to President Regan was simply from a time-frame standpoint. Using the phrase "lost his mind" maybe wasn't the kindest terminology, but I think he just means back WHEN the man WAS President BEFORE his unfortunate condition manifested itself.

That being said, I lame'd everyone's ass who didn't stick to the point of the story. Sorry.

I cannot believe that I stayed out of the political spotlight out of respect for Dave and this happens. Shit. Should have thrown my two cents in.

Actually, it's only two words. They hit the nail as to why I didn't like Reagan or his wife.

Kiki Camerena

Back to the poop, and I'll not discuss the matter further.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Daph, I am really curious about "Kiki Camerena." Do tell....

Thunderbox, I have plenty of guts and have traveled the entire world many times over. I just don't wnt to go to the Congo. And, Reagan was the greatest man in history, bar none.

My only encounters with Shriners have been at parades, where I've seen them in their fez riding their funny little cars and beeping their shrill little horns. But if I imagine conversation at one of their meetings, what I hear is the blather on this thread -- "greatest man in history" this, and "he has no cojones" that. I'm probably being unfair to the Shriners.

Please, folks, take the political discussion to the forums, before we all get lamed and/or deleted!

I'm afraid of what will happen here when Dave comes back to town.

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Send all your money to Bilgepump, or to Dave!

Great story. Stick to off the wall, no sign, stand alone, greasy looking, cooking on the spot places; the food is a whole lot fresher !
Being to Mexico quite a few times, fishing, drinking with my buddies, I NEVER been sick with Montezuma's. Lucky me.

I do agree with Mickey on that concept when it applies to asian restaurants. There are some holes in the wall in Ft. Polk that suppliment my belief fairly well. They look like shit and make the best food that you could ask for.

And, Dumpster, I would go to the forums and explain it, but I have found this to be true in politics....

Two groups of believers could see the same debate or witness the same act (let's take Reagan's staying out of apartheid for example) and it will be interpretted by those two groups differently, each believing the other is dead wrong.

1.) Did he stay out of apartheid because of the conservative belief that he could do more on a diplomatic approach of not coming out and saying the South African government was a tyrannical group of people?

Or

2.)Was he a racist and stayed out of it, not publicly denouncing it because he really didn't care and only wanted to do the minimum?

See?

I find it best for me to clean my fish tanks, drink a little bourbon, and rescue homeless animals and educate kids to be nice to those little animals. It's my purpose in life and I'm OK with that!!

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Well, being that I'm a Monkey-Spooge Gargling Lawyer, I guess I'd better just lay off of PoopReport and go chase a few more ambulances and bankrupt a few more small businesses.

Never say "touch", "orphan", and "screw" in the same paragraph. Someone might mistake you for a clergy member.

That was bad. I apologize.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Funny story. I LOVED the time references, which is what they were. I didn't interpret the comment as a crack on Reagan, just a reference to the time BA (before Alzheimers).

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"That was a very disappointing party. I showed up and everyone left!"- Camille

Wow this has gotta be the most tenuous link to poop I've seen in a long time!

Being of British birth I can't share the inside political knowledge being sported by all and sundry here.

BACK TO THE STORY... I enjoyed the tale, Mr Eel, keep em coming sport!

Could someone explain to me in laymen's terms how to add a link when submitting a story or comment? Please be aware that I have very limited HTML knowledge. I'm trying to look cool here guys.

Thanks!

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You can't polish a turd

To add a link with clickable text, just do it like this...

Click <a href="http://www.poopreport.com/">here</a> to go to poopreport.com.

The < and > won't show up when you type them. I used special codes to make them show up.

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"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

I'm glad you enjoyed my Poop Report meconium. (deserves bonus point!)I've been lurking for a while and felt the urge to contribute, as many of you have become fecal friends and your scatological stories have induced spasms of laughter into my tortured soul. For the record: the Reagan reference was simply a time frame statement, and that man was the greatest president (no one even a close second) of my 43 year life. Unlike the libs, at least the shit of Ronaldus Magnus came out of his ass and not his brain. Sorry for the political reference, but I am defending myself here against a PR veteran! ;-)

Toilet Eel, we're always looking for a few good men. Join the forums, come to the brown side.

Stick to the bowl.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

You`re right in a way C Everett - Reagan was one of the best leaders of the last century. But not in the league of Churchill (in what he did for the free world)or Thatcher (in how she changed the country).

I also doubt that any of these fine folk ever got the chance to shit their entire guts out in Mexico, or even on Mexican food like our fine friend Toilet Eel.

You can`t do without the odd fucked up Mexican cuisine.

Doctors realy do have untold secrets that can help us all...

So really how many people really give a fuck about this politcal shit...I'll stick to the shit coming from my ass, because that's what this site is about.

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I poop because I am...I am because I poop.

Guys please forgive me for this but wanted to check I got this right... Click here

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You can't polish a turd

Poop Report

And again... sorry

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You can't polish a turd

O Eliot, are you all right?
Seems like you might be just a bit tight.
But we're glad you're here,
Now, wipe your derriere,
And tell why you have been out of sight.

_______
Send all your money to Bilgepump, or to Dave!

I got Montezuma's Revenge just once in Mexico, after eating some gnarly (but tasty) rice pudding. Compound that with the cold my brother so generously slipped into my luggage, and it made for a really-miserable couple of days. At least we had fresh drinking water... and it was my friend. I waterlogged myself the next couple of days, taking only a little cold medicine (that stuff REALLY plays wallball with your sphincter when you're diarrheaing) and eating nothing more than flour tortillas. Surprisingly I felt much better in two-days' time. Strange, huh?

I haven't been to Mexico in more than 8 years, but when I lived in southern Cal we went down there all the time. Every store and every restaurant and bar had Lomotil for sale. It usually was sitting on the counter by the cash register so you didn't have to look for it. Last time I was there, it was going for about $2 a box (24 pills). It was going for about $12/box in the U.S. at the time. Down there, no prescription was needed, since it wasn't for pain relief or muscle relaxation.

The funny thing is I never had to use it when I was in Mexico, but you were allowed to bring it across the border without any hassles so we always brought back a couple boxes. The stuff is amazing. If you ever get a true case of diarrhea, it will shut it down in less than an hour.

Here's the brief description of Lomotil from the web:
Lomotil (atropine and diphenoxylate) is a mixture of two drugs that together form an antidiarrheal medication. It prevents spasms in the muscles of the gut and bladder by relaxing them, and can slow the function of the bowel to treat diarrhea.

I forget which post mentioned it, but I concur on eating in out of the way places down in Mexico. It doesn't mean you look for the scuzzy joints loaded with flies. It means you eat where the tourists don't know to go. For instance, in
Tijuana all you had to do was take a side street from Revolution and walk two blocks to get to a little place called Chuy's. Some of the best tacos I've ever seen were made there. I did, though, have a Mexican-American girlfriend at the time and, like people in any country you visit, Mexicans appreciate when someone speaks Spanish. We got more amazing deals down there, simply because we could talk to the local folks and get to know a little more about the place than you see in the souvenir shops. They might have laughed at my limited vocabulary and poorly constructed sentences, but my girlfriend made up for it. They're like Australians and Canadians, in my experience: the percentage of really wonderful people you meet when travelling in the country is truly exceptional.

And, finally, it cracks me up when people say not to drink the water in Mexico. You'll see them ordering margaritas by the pitcherful. Gee, I'm sure they make all that ice for the drinks from bottled water! BWAHAHAHAHA!
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Please, no more cracks about my ass.

Damn that was a funny story about vaca-sex and the rest. this guy could do comedy

Whent to Mexico last week spent five days.Day two I started to shit.Thought it may have something to do with my 30 plus shots per day of Don Huleio tequila for the frst three days . Now I have been back fo three days havent drank in five day starting to get woried.Still shitting 15 times a day .Over the counter drugs have no afect.Will this run its corse or what.

About twenty years ago some co-workers went down to Mexico for a trip they had won from the company. Two of them came back with Montezuma's Revenge: a guy and a gal, both healthy young folks. The guy managed to get over the stuff within a couple of days (with, I expect, lots of anti-diarrhea medication), but the young lady was miserable for two weeks. At one point she and I happened to be eating lunch together in the lunchroom. She had been back about a week by then, and she looked pale. She said, "I know I have to eat, but I dread it. [Her lunch was a small lettuce salad.] I give it five minutes after I eat this, and I'll see it again." Sure enough, about five minutes later, she got up and hurried to the bathroom. When she came back, she said, "Just as I expected--that lettuce came through unchanged." She took lots of medicine, too, but it was still another week before she felt normal. That disease is nothing to fool with.