Post a picture of that monster if you are so proud of it.

C Everett Poop

Second i peed on the seat :D

What is it with guys and Dutch ovens? My bf does it to me all the time. Sheesh.

I enjoyed the story. The fact that despite your pain you had the presence of mind to both measure and photograph the monster is impressive. But you don't say whether your your wife intentionally or accidentally deleted the photo. Or maybe she just claimed it was accidental....

hehe..."what a load off!" good one.

i bet she deleted it on purpose. did you at least get to save it to your computer or something first?? not that i want to see it--cuz i don't--but you seem so proud of it. it would be sad if you never got to see it again.

"it would be sad if you never got to see it again." Indeed. Having watched your own turd grow to maturity, it is no easy thing to watch it go off to live its own life. But what are you going to do -- erect a protective wall around it and never let it go?

Nice shit there. One of admirable proportion and notable "aftershock". I am impressed.

Yet, friend, this Dutch Oven thing? How do men ever get laid when they think this is funny? Stinkers.................hugging bunnies since 1969

I had the same surgery last Xmas. With hydrocodone, one similarly gets bound up worse than an impacted wisdom tooth.

After inguinal hernia surgery, you can't strain to open the bomb bay and forcefully eject, unless you want to rip out untold numbers of sutures and end up right back on that cold, cold table.

If you never believed that Elvis died on the dumper, trust me, it's possible. I didn't think that I was going to survive that first post-surgery dump w/o a stroke or a coronary.

Fortunately, after at least an hour of excruciating agony, peristalsis took over, delivering divine redemption.

Next time after surgery, I'll be popping those stool softener capsules like Cracker Jacks at a double header.

Your wife could smell your gas on the other side of the house? Wow. Rename yourself Ventriloquist Gas Man. Great story.

I can relate to this story. Roxicodone is worse. I understand the "shitting bricks" or "shit or go blind" jokes much better. At least we can laugh about it now. I went back and forward from "brick factory" to "milk of magnesia rapids" too many times.

BTW
Daphne-
Men use the "Dutch oven" (IMO) for two reasons:
1) They find farts funny and think you do too
(hopefully they have already got laid).
2) They have a "headache"....=O...

Any others from the PR guys??? (!)

The dutch oven is a learned experience from all of our fathers. It's a secret lovingly passed down from father to son. I know my proudest day was when my 4 year old pulled a dutch oven on his brother. It brought tears to both of our eyes...

You're killing me, Mott! Already gotten laid? That's rotten. You dirty men. All of you.

You smelly lovable things...............hugging bunnies since 1969

How did you get a hernia!?

I did a huge poo like this a few months ago but unlike GasAss I didn't use any laxatives as I never do.

I fell and twisted my leg rather badly. I didn't need a sugical operation but my knee was put in a supportive plaster, now removed, and I was given strong pain killers which I can tell you were needed, the pain as the knee went back into its proper position was intense! The nurse at the hospital did say "these pills might make you a bit constipated" but I merely nodded at that as I am not worried if I am and would far rather be bound up than have diarrhea which I hate. As my work involves a lot of moving and lifting I was signed off sick for a week until they removed the plaster.

Now the lack of physical activity and the effect of the pain killers, (and unlike GasAss I took the full dose,) made me constipated. I simply did not feel the need to do a poo for 4 days although I was eating well. I didn't feel any discomfort from this and frankly I wasn't bothered as I don't have a BM ever day anyway.

On the fifth day I did feel the need to poo but like GasAss I only passed pebbles and three fat balls "PLOP! PLOP! PLOP! into the toilet pan but could feel that there was something a lot bigger up there.

I had read on another Forum "The Toilet" that a woman poster there used to drink a wine glass full of olive oil when she was constipated just before going to bed and that this helped lubricate a large hard turd. I did this on the Friday evening and went to bed.

On the Saturday morning I got up and had breakfast, a good British fry-up as I normally do, none of your fruit and veg or muesli for me, I hate the stuff! I drank a large mug of coffee and about 5 minutes later I felt a big solid mass move down into my back passage and emitted a loud and very smelly fart.

I went to the toilet and pulled down my white briefs and sat on the pan. Although I needed to pee the large turd in my rectum was causing pressure on my prostate gland causing me to have an erection, so I couldn't urinate then.

I felt my ring start to dilate and there was a slight stab of pain then the big jobbie started to move out of me. It sure was fat and knobbly to start with and I grunted "NN! UH! as I bore down and exerted a steady pressure to help it on its way. Slowly it emerged taking its own good time. The initial pain as it stretched my sphincter has quickly gone and now the feeling was quite pleasing as it came out and by now it had become smoother and less knobbly but still firm and solid. I felt some resistance and realised that the start of it was already in the water had touched the bottom of the toilet pan and I had to stand up to get it all out. Eventually it tapered to an end and slid into the pan with a quiet "FLUMP!". I sat back down and then was able to pee like a horse.

Finished, I wiped my bum , there was a brown oily residue from the Olive Oil whuch had lubricated it. I sat for a few monents in case there was more to come out but apart from another fart and a short pee that was it. Pulling up my underpants I got up off the toilet and looked at this huge brown log , shaped like a naval gun shell, blunt at the start and pointed at the end and standing up in the toilet pan with about 5 inches sticking up out of the water. Like GasAss I measured it with a tape measure. 15 inches long and 3 inches fat at its thickest point!

I felt really good after doing it. Unlike Gas Ass since I had not taken any laxatives I didn't suffer any nasty after effects but did fart a lot for a while afterwards. The next day I did a normal poo, a single solid 10 inch turd but this one as only 2 inches fat and slid out easily.

I don't think the Moderators would allow you to post the picture of that turd on this website as it would break their rules. However, you could post it to ratemypoo.com which has plenty of pictures of turds some as big as those mentioned by GasAss and myself.

"Popcorn fart" Hooray, I always wondered what those little tiny farts were called.

Awesome story! I loved it, well written and entertaining
*Elphaba))

Funny how they tell you painkillers will cause constipation. They should warn folks by saying, "This medication will cause a 15" long, rock hard turd the girth of a tennis ball can to tear through your anus."

Hahaha, a picture of your poo? I don't think I'll ever be doing that! Nice story.

Two good stories for the price of one!

Man, I can sympathize. Last year I had surgery on my foot and was given a bottle of the evil Vicodin.

I cannot understand how people take this drug recreationally. I caused nothing but nausea , mental fogginess, and a round of intestinal displeasure known only to those of us who have had to go through it.

I didn't shit for 6 days. I was frightened. I didn't even have the urge to shit. I was bloated, but no go.

Finally, when the dam burst, I was subject to 3 days of bloody shit and cramps that felt like a 16th century torture. I thought I had an impaction.

Any time I read or hear about a Dutch Oven I laugh my ass off. I "turned on" the dutch oven one night to an ex boyfriend...you really can take someone by surprise and make them want to vomit at the same time. Thanks for the story and the belly laugh!

I am new to the poo pool and haven't stopped chuckeling yet. trying to figure what it was that caught my attention to this site in the first place and can't remember shit. maybe that was it. L

I've always referred to the dutch oven as "Playing Turtle". You usually get one sly "yes" response from your bed mate untill they realize what your talking about and you need to sleep in the dog house. That is untill your dog kicks you out of his house 'cuz ya stink too bad. Great Poo Report!!

One of my co-workers launched a loaf that extended 4 inches above the water line in the bowl, whilst resting on the bottom. He didn't flush this u-boat into Davey Jone's locker without inviting the rest of us (via the PA) into the head to witness this grand feat of gastrointestinal engineering. He managed all of this without the aid of narcotic painkillers.

Stand back, I don't know how big this baby's gonna get...

Jobber writes "[a]lthough I needed to pee the large turd in my rectum was causing pressure on my prostate gland causing me to have an erection, so I couldn't urinate then."

Damn, that's a new one on me, Jobber. On the occasions I've had to shit that bad, the idea of Moby Dick broaching-to was the last thing on my mind!

The log-induced erection is not new to me.. It's happened many times.
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juiop: a juicy poop

After an experience in the sewer downstream of a bus terminal, around the office we call those monsters "Bus Driver Turds." I swear to Gods, that thing was at least a foot and a half long and so big that the 2" deep sewage flow in the 10" line wasn't moving it. If I'd had a digicam with me, a photo would be on the cubical wall today.

------------------------------------------------------

I work at a poop plant, so I know whereof I speak.

SSpiffyPoo

Greets, i just had hernia surgery the other day. I found your site googling "pooping after hernia surgery" (seriously).
I was looking for some good advice, but instead - your site hurt me. laughter is bad right now, pieces of my intestine are lying on my keyboard. thanks!

Then stick around and lose the rest of your organs. That's what we're here for!

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969

just blew....

Another great attribute to this site is making your new surgery go astray. just think what would happen if you had a colonostomy?? Your bowles would be falling out!

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Poop Shooter!

Glad you like the site, Just Blew.
Register and submit some of your post-op poop stories!

Just Blew, some of us will be glad to place flowers on your piano. Others prefer tulips on the organ.

Dumpie, you know I'm not sure some of your jokes work unless the reader says them out loud. But, that's part of the fun.

If anyone doesn't get it, read the last sentence of Dumpster's post aloud.

Was there a joke? I mean, all afternoon Hermione was talking to me about wanting to place tulips on my organ, and I was explaining to her that it isn't quite the season for tulips yet, and the Hammond man isn't due for another month or so.

Anyway, she got really mad and left. I can't understand what I did wrong!

**Shakes head sadly, changes shoes, gets coat and keys, drives to church, drops coins in box, lights candle, genuflects, prays for Hermione**

And I'm not even Catholic.

Light one for Dumpster too. He sounds a bit touched in the head today.

FP, I know what your idea of "lighting one off" for Dumpster is. Thanks for your concern, but please don't feel compelled to do it in my presence, or that of the Fire Marshal.

And, yes; I AM "touched in the head" (the cranial kind!). I am in love with Hermione, and will never be a Man in Full without her love in return. It is there in abundance, but she just cannot let go of her fears.

But this is a site about fun, not fears, so somebody else please share what they have been through that was fun.

i've never been caught up in this painkiller mess. i've had a root canal (which isn't as bad as you think) and a coupel other occasions when i was prescribed opiate based painkillers and i skipped em every time. no real reason why, but i guess it's because i subconciously didn't want to bind up the production line of my u(bend) boat factory.

on the subject of dutch ovens, ladies if you're in our bed we already have slept with you. we dutch oven you because we like you, and because we think it's funny, though i have had some unintentional instances. mainly it just falls under a basic guideline men have that farts are funny and the humor should be shared with all people within our auditory and olfactory range.

Fantastic story. Too bad your wife deleted the picture.

That is what I call the ultimate colon blow.

Hopefully, you have healed up succesfully form your procedure.
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A man who farts in church, sits in his own pew.

I honestly didn't know that Vicodin and other narcotics stopped you up. I've never had that problem and I was a human pharmaceutical shop for many years.

Oh, and for those who don't understand how you can take Vicodin recreationally--if you don't take it with food or on a full stomach it WILL make you nauseous, so that's probably what happened. I admit to having a stash from dental surgery that I parcel out for dealing with particularly vicious menstrual cramps. I take one with my dinner, and the rest of the evening is a warm, fuzzy and pain-free haze. And I can still poop!

First thing: If you haven't had a hernia repair, you can't possibly imagine what a shock it is to see your "equipment" turn a shade between purple and black. It's the most gruesome bruise I've ever had, and takes at least a week to start going away. Hideous.
Second: It is the one time when the saying "it only hurts when I laugh" is most appropriate. Without painkillers, it takes five minutes to get out of bed, because you have to repeatedly stop and gasp from the pain. You learn to do the "heh heh" kind of laugh, so you don't use your diaphragm. My wife - god forgive her - found it hilarious to try to make me laugh during my recuperation.
Third: Anyone considering this surgery should give themselves a thorough enema the day before it and another about three days after. It's amazing how your body will protect itself by slowing down the bowel motility. You will become completely backed up, and taking painkillers doesn't help matters. I took nothing stronger than aspirin and still went three days without shitting, each day becoming more concerned over my lack of production. The thought of ripping open a lower-abdominal incision from straining is not a pretty one.

I will go in some time in the next month or so for a repair on the left side. I'm fortunate in that my hernias have been "indirect" which means there's no involvement of the inguinal canal. I've had the one I'm getting repaired for about three years, and it's no big health risk. My surgeon is great; he does it under a local anesthetic and sends me home an hour later. This time around I'll know what to expect, though, and crapping will not be of major worry.
Oh, and by the way, if any of you guys are going in for this surgery, consider doing what I'm going to do: Shave yourself before you go in. The worst part of the whole procedure was the dry pubic shave I received. Never again. This time I'm going in looking like a newborn baby - well, at least in one respect.

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There's a certain air about me....

When I was in the hospital the nurses force fed my pain killers all day, every day (hence, my addiction to them now). I remember that for quite a while I could not poop. However, after a while I'm guessing that my body got used to the Norco in my system and I was producing regular movements about once or twice a day.

Since that time I have never had any problems with pain killers stopping things up or even slowing them down, and I've taken a lot of pain killers. One of the things about having a spinal stroke is that you learn to spend the rest of your life in chronic pain. I am allowed to get a refill of pain killers every month or so, but I'm trying to a) fight the addiction, b) have a clear head so I can function, and c) learn to deal with the pain naturally.

Besides, even though I CAN poop while on killers, I don't enjoy it and don't get the satisfied feeling of being empty. I always feel constipated on them even while having regular movements so its no fun.

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Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Also daph, Mel was the one who taught me what a "dutch oven" was.

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Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Any turd that merits having its portrait taken is an outstanding piece of shit. I used to work for a guy who was an outstanding piece of shit, but no one seemed to want a photo of him.

Well done!!!! I had shoulder surgery a week ago and still haven't gone yet. if and when i do, I will take a pic so that we can compair

That is the funniest shit I ever read

Thank you for this story. I was taking vicodin for some pain but soon realized that the "cure" was worse than the "disease" when I ended up with a dreadful pain in my stomach that caused me to weep uncontrollably. Thank goodness for fleet...

I have told elsewhere about my surgery for kiney and bladder stones, and my very difficult b.m. four days after starting to wear a Foley catheter (had to poop from a mostly standing position, since sitting and pushing made it feel that I was going to push out the catheter). In my case the constipation came from two things: eating very little those first few days, and Percocet. Normally I poop easily, daily, sometimes more than once a day; that episode was one of the most difficult pooping times of my life.

I really don't understand what is the purpose of vicodin on medical market, it has been associated so far only with bad things, specially addiction. I strongly believe that doctors should do something about it because they are most aware of this aspect.
Vicodin detox