TP is good for 98% of the poop stuck to your bum after movement. Some form of wet cleaning is needed for the rest. If you don't believe me. Stick your finger down there and give it a whiff. Stink = Poop.
I completely agree w/ DD thus why they invented Wet-Ones, but I cannot condone giving yourself a Dirty Sanchez to see if you're clean. _______I poop because I am...I am because I poop.
Ideally, I do my duty just before I get in the shower in the morning and then I'm done until tomorrow. That's the best clean-up: a shower. But a few times a month, it doesn't happen as planned. In those situations, I'm not so fastidious. I wipe away the brown and leave it at that. I do notice though that my ass is not as fresh as I would like. But what the hell? Only Tiny Tim could arrange his life to allow for a shower after every dump.
Yes I agree, vaste mojority of the time TP is enough, somtimes however, when your poop is in a bad way a suficiant ammount of wetted TP is needed to give you that satisfied feeling of clean.
After a distressing poop, it can be somtimes painful to get the wipe you require with dry TP, this can also require some wetted paper to sooth the wipes needed to clean away all remnants of your brown friend.
laters
bf
Well naturally jumping in the shower after each dump and scrubbing your asshole clean is the best way but of course we humans don't do this unless be are total clean nuts who only shit at home. I only use good old fashion toilet paper and no it can never get me as clean as I would like to be. We always have wet wipes on hand because my daughter will ONLY use wet wipes after her dump but I rarely use them. Too expensive a habit to get into.
Pretty much all my daughters and I use are the flushable wipes. My husband however... he calls them sissy and refuses to use any thing but TP. Maybe that is why I find skid-marks when I do the laundry....
"Sufficiently" is the key word here. Sufficient for what? If you're about to invite someone else's nose to get close to your bung hole, then you should do a total cleanup down there -- your asshole should sparkle. But if your ass is just going to spend all day in your chair at work, what toilet paper can do is sufficient in my mind. I'm sure that, as DungDaddy points out, my ass generally would fail the finger test. That's why I don't administer that test.
Toilet paper is not enough. There is still some poo left when I wipe, and then I have to use a wet wipe.Poop on!
-Poopgirl
I never do the finger test, mainly because that is actually quite disgusting. But I do think that wet wipes are the way forward. Toilet paper alone either scrapes the delicate skin from your arsehole, or it's like the never ending story and before you know it you've used two rolls and you're still wiping.
Even worse, when I was in primary school, they used to give us something called Izal, and lets put it this way, we used to use it as tracing paper when the normal tracing paper had run out. If you y accident folded that stuff and it ended up with a corner... I actually bled on more than one occasion.
Does anyone else think that wet wipes should be offered as standard?_______Semper Cinaedus - Always Shameless
We keep a box of flushable wipes on the backs of the toilets, but we only use them when regular TP is leaving smears. Wipes really do finish things up nicely!
I too notice that the paper doesn't do the job. Especially the "Military" paper here. It's rough, it's tough, it doesn't take shit from anyone! A nice spray of cool water would do the job so much better, but still after an initial wipe to get the big stuff off. _______"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus
I'm with doniker here. Normally I plan my daily dumps prior to a shower. One in the morning and one in the evening before bed. It really is the best way to get clean.
When I have an unplanned movement, if I'm at home I'll generally hop in the shower for a minute to clense, but if I'm anywhere else I just use regular old toilet paper. It really doesn't feel as good, and I don't feel nearly as clean or refreshed.
Lately I've been scouring the internet for bidet's though, same shower clean, less hassle. _______Take pride in your poop, report it.
I love flushable wipes. Not only am I cleaner, but certain members of the family are less smelly.
Flushable wipes are great for dump time because you can get the "I just stepped out of the shower" feeling with your butt without the shower. Not that I want to discourage any of the men here from showering.
Usually I just use TP, but those wipes sure are nice to have around just in case.
_______.....hugging bunnies since 1969 www.daphneszoo.com
Yes, Indeed it does. Although some days you need to do some extra cleaning, TP is perfect for the cleanliness of the anus.
TP with a little bit of water will take care of any "kling-ons" if you have that not so fresh feeling after a wipe or two. It really sucks when you have a workpoo and no water to dip your TP in.
Usually TP is fine, especially if my poo is nice and firm from eating lots of fiber. However, a night of buffalo wings and beer tends to make the next morning poo somewhat soft and greasy. In this instance, paper gets most of the mess, but will inevitably leave behind a stinky reminder of what had just transpired. I can see how wet wipes can help with that "final wipe" and leave the bathroom with that fresh clean feeling, but I've never gotten around to trying them.
I occassionally have to resort to a Dremel Tool with the wire brush attatchment...but usually TP is just fine.
I love a nice warm water dampened washcloth (especially the ones that are the really soft material). I can scrub pretty hard without it shredding (and it is nice and warm!). When I am at work, I have used moistened paper towels on a number of occasions-just don't scrub too hard; wet TP just tears apart. I make sure they go to the bottom of the garbage can so no one sees the brownish-yellow smear on it! Now I am wondering if the janitor has seen all of those...
TP is generally enough. sometimes if it's really that bad and i feel i've wiped enough i'll hop in the shower. usually i do also plan my dumps around shower time.
It's the 3 S-es.
First you Shave, then you Shit, and then you take a Shower to clean up the extra foam on your face and the poo on your ass, i guess it's a man ritual, it just makes the most sense that way. i've never had the money for frivolities like flushable wet wipes.
Sharty, I'm all about the 3 S-es as well. Best way to start your day. _______Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.
I have terribly dirty shits all the time...the asswipe looks like I have a brown marker up my ass. I wipe up the clumps of dingleberries with dry paper, until I get just a dry smear remaining, then put some hand lotion on the toilet paper and wipe some more. The lotion sufficiently lubes the shit (and my fecal fested farthole) and am able to get a good clean that way. When traveling or camping, I bring a tiny sample bottle of lotion with me just for that purpose. My camping toilet kit consists of a trowel, tiny tubeless rolls of paper, a small bottle of lotion, and a tiny envelope of wetwipes. Try the lotion on the paper...not wasting money on wetwipes and soothing to your dirt button. It's just the right amount of "dry" and "wet" to get the job done! Please post your experiences with this method of spackle removal and let me know if it works for you! Peace out!
I'm a girl, and I used to have a lovely 3 S-es routine too. Then I had a stomach operation and my routine has never been the same since. Maybe I should Ask PooNurse!_______Semper Cinaedus - Always Shameless
In my household we to keep a box of babywipes (or whatever they are) that are wet on the window ledge behind the toilet, I tend to use these when I've had a really bad shit that has torn my ring into pieces so bad that using TP actually hurts. Then when you use the wet wipes it feels like when you put soap over a fresh cut. A slight sting, but at least it gets the job done unlike TP.
When you use wipes on an abused ass, you ARE applying soap to a fresh cut, or rip in this case.
I wonder now if an operation I had as a baby is why I poop so weird now. When I was just a baby, too young to remember, I had to have a section of my intestine removed because of blockage. Or perhaps it's a combination of this and how I used to hold it until I couldn't anymore. _______"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus
Summer routine for icky itchy sweaty yuckiness. I recommend dousing your wet wipes with some witch hazel. Very soothing, like Tucks. Wipe gently. Use a squeeze bottle of warm water to rinse. Dry with a small towel specifically set aside for your nether regions. Then, for you girls and metrosexuals, a light dusting of feminine hygiene spray with baking soda. Or after shower powder. Outer limits only...not on the mucus membranes! I try to limit my worktime elimination to #1 only, if I can.
I agree with most of the comments that 95% of all pooping situations are "rectumfied" with traditional 2 ply (yes 2 ply)T.P. However, why should we be burduned with an unsatisfactory wipe 5% of the time. I for one am VERY regular and usually visit the porcelain god twice a day. Thats approx 730 times a year. That would mean that 36-1/2 poops a year are trouble. That is enough to merit a backup system in the immediate area that could serve both the problem shit and the occasional "swamp ass" to soothe the bung prior to the dump. I suggest a small portable washing machine that can hook up to the bathroom sink so the nice, soft, soothing cloth can be washed and moistened time and time again for the not so fresh days. Now that I've looked at this comment, maybe just grin and bear it, give an extra wipe, and hope for the best.
First of all, I think that you have to look at this dilemma two ways. Without question, a step in the right direction is to eat the right kind of foods; high fiber, low grease= good solid drops. There are many times when I don't need to wipe at all, but even then I give the old seat cushion a couple swipes with T.P. My turds come out feeling good, and looking better, really a very quick and clean delivery. However, like I said, I still wipe. Here's how ole Phillip DeCrapper cleans the shit-pipe. 1. Flush crap down the river, and start with clean bowl. This will prevent back-ups. 2. Wipe two (2) seperate times with old fashioned style 2 ply T.P. I use the T.P. to dig out any oversize chunks still "hanging around". 3. Wipe with "Wet Ones", or comparable brand name product, no need to cut corners with discount brands. With first sheet, I wipe the exterior portion of my ass, smoothing over work done previously with T.P. After that, I fold the first sheet over itself, and expose the clean reverse side. Then, I use the recycled sheet to clean the inside of my butt. 4. Next, I take a second Wet Ones, and smooth over all backdoor cleaning, careful to note that the sheet LOOKS clean when finished. If not, I double that one over, and wipe to completion. At no point during my wiping process, do I apply undo pressure, nor do I "scrape". For my efforts, I do not suffer from hemmorhoids, skidmarks, or clogged toilet bowls. That's the shit.
After I poop I keep wiping until toilet paper is clean. I poop naked so when I am done I squat and really get in good. Then I use wet ones. But I have a problem, a few years ago I ate sunflower seeds with the shells on and the next day when I went to poop the shells ripped my ass apart! I had to stick my finger in and scrape them away! Anyway, ever since that incident, after each poop no matter how clean the toilet paper is after final wipe, about 45 minutes later I go in and wipe again and there is piles of poop in my butt. Then I wipe it all out and it happens again. But when I have the runs this don't happen.
I think TP works fine but in my household we only buy and use the "wet ones" they just make you feel so much fresher and cleaner after a good dump (or bad dump).
Yeah. For me the whole wet ones thing is relatively new, but I feel that it is definately here to stay.
My recent experiences with the bidet I've had installed in my new house lead me to this conclusion: you still need something to dry your ass with after cleaning with water, whether in the form of a bidet or wet wipes. TP fills the bill.
I've found that a combination of using the bidet and TP sparingly works quite well.
BTW, the only other possiblity would be to use a blow dryer on the brown eye. Uh, I don't think so.
You could always keep a certain towel set aside just for that purpose, and wash it when you wash the rest. Your butt just got clean anyway, but still give it its own. _______"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus
Or you could learn to summon tornadoes. That'll dry the bunghole pretty quickly....
Or else you'll get a cow lodged up you ass.
Either way, you're clean and dry. _______"That was a very disappointing party. I showed up and everyone left!"- Camille
Just wear brown underwear, and save a lot of money on toilet paper. _______Send all your money to Bilgepump, or to Dave!
Maybe Double Flush is onto something. A special towel set aside only for ass drying is an intriguing idea. One question though, which one of my wifes towels should I volunteer for service. Is there such a thing as a "towel draft", I would hate to be held responsible for sending it into combat.
for me toilet paper works just fine. i use costco toilet paper and it does the job
It's gross to check with your finger to see if your ass smells? O.....O.K........comon kids get a grip ! It won't hurt you and it washes of with soap and water .Now I don't care how many times you wipe your finger with toilet paper that finger would still not be welcome in my bed ! I have a Toto self cleaning toilet seat that sprays warm water while, (with my fingers !), I wash and make sure I'm clean.then I dry with a small amount of paper and check the paper. we are dealing with shit here . Just becouse all of your dear relitives clean there smelly butts with paper dosn't make it a clever Idea .We all have running water now . go wash and then wash your hands and then come to bed!
We use Preparation H brand flushable wet wipes. Not only does it do an admirable job of cleaning, it is medicated, and soothes the ravages of a burning bunghole.
So, you wipe your ass with your fingers, SmartAss? I read your post four or five times and am still unsure since every fiber of my being screams that this is just wrong!!! I don't care if you have a pressure washer at toiletside to clean you hands with.
By the way, is your toilet inside or outside of the trailer?? Does your Toto clean the white trash off your fingers too??
Kerosene on a greasy rag, followed up with a quick touch up with a brass bristled brush gets grease off an engine block. I wonder...
Woah, Anomalous Coward, back up. That would only make you more grasy, and the brush would tear your fragile little nether region to pieces! I wouldn't try that. Instead, do like I did--rig up a rubber hose to your sink (assuming it's close enough to the toilet) and use it as a makeshift bidet. _______Damnit, someone stole my signature!
i dont think ive laughed so hard in my entire life!!
I agree that TP is enough. But, for those who have trouble with personal cleaning, the bidet may be necessary. In the end, it is what works for the individual that counts. _______ Jammin' lo'flo's since 1977.
TP is good for me because I like to get a bit of a skiddie going after if I'm honest, it's the sign I've had a really good poop.
__For most jobs, TP is enough. Just in case there are always wetwipes near the throne._____Producing waste since 1967
Over the last year, I have gone to using Kan-Doos. Very effective flushable wipes. I carry them in a ziplok baggy in my back pocket.
all you have to do is fold the toilet paper and wet it from the sink or a spray bottle...if you are in a public restroom...wet a paper towel or toilet paper...ball it up and squeeze the water from that onto your folded up toilet paper...works for me :)
Here's a trick that I sometimes use-I take a large cotton ball, wet it with rubbing alcohol, and clean my ass with it. It burns a little, but it feels good when it is drying' it has a nice cool feeling, and it leaves my ass squeaky-clean!_______"You have to probe a lot of turds before you find gold in one......and it turns out the gold is corn!!
_Follow-up to my last post- the alcohol cleaning is done after using toilet paper.______"You have to probe a lot of turds before you find gold in one......and it turns out the gold is corn!!
Always travel with baby wipes. They will fit in your pocket and come in travel packs.
If there was poop on your dining room table and you wiped it up really well with lots of toilet paper, whould it be clean enough to serve dinner on? No! What if you wiped it again with wet toilet paper? Now is it clean enough? No! Without some kind of cleanser or soap, it is impossible to thoroughly clean your a$$. I realize that very few people serve dinner off of their asscrack, butt I hope you get my point.
P.S. If you do actually have poop on your dining room table, just get a new table.
Anusymous Coward (not verified) -- 08.21.2007-- "...I realize that very few people serve dinner off of their asscrack...
Speak for yourself.
DD is right indeed in saying that not all of your remains are cleaned via TP. However, jumping into the shower to wash the rest out after each relieve isn't the most effective or practical either. Around Korea and Japan mostly, the built-in rectal wash system is popular - it's installed on the toilet itself, really convinient, easy to use, and really effective in cleaning.
that's what I use from time to time - it washes with customized jet power, temperature, and dries too.
but still - no matter what technology brings about, nothing beats the good ol' toilet paper as it is :)
_______To clog or not to clog... too late - already clogged.
no tp just isn't enough. i always rinse my anus with water after using tp -- to remove those few fecal stains that will never go away. When i'm at home, the tub is near the toilet so its easy to rinse. When i'm in a public toilet then
i take a bottle of water like dasani or deer park -- i use tp first and after that i pour the bottle of water on my anus with my left hand, while still sitting on the seat ( i have to push myself a little forward so that the water falls in the toilet and not on floor) and then i'd rub the anus with my right hand while i pour water with left hand -- may sound nasty but there is no poop on hand because most of it was wiped away with tp.
After that i wash my hands thoroughly with soap twice.
Tp alone just cannot remove 100% fecal stains and with diseases like colon cancer, colorectal cancer, polyps, hemmroids, etc etc why take risk by carrying fecal stains?
Also more countries use water or water mixed with tp, than tp alone as we do here.
After using tp until it comes out clean, try thoroughly rubbing the area with double aught sand paper. Immediately follow with a generous dousing of after shave. You will be clean and smell fresh all day.
one MUST use wipes in addition to toilet paper,in order to avoid the thin layer of poop left behind!
Usually I poop, then shower, so my anus is clean; however, at least some days of the week, I poop again at work. In that case only t.p. is available, so I use it as best I can; the first batch [4 squares folded] I use, then fold and reuse; pretty well smeared. The second batch [3 squares] I use (still some smear), then fold, spit on it, and reuse; the same with the third set. By the end of that, I normally can't see a smear, but I know that the finger test would yield the telltale odor, and by the time I get home I sometimes (rarely) have an itch. I clear that up by sitting on the toilet, using another 3 sheets of t.p. folded, then--brown mark or not--I refold, dab a little Noxzema on the paper, and wipe again, including sending my papered finger up into my anus. That cleans the area nicely and feels good. I am thinking of taking some Noxzema to work for those midday poops.
I try to use flushable moist wipes whenever possible. I dont get to use them at work, simply because they dont have them there. I do my best in that shituation, especially when I have those real messy poops in the morning. I use those wipes in conjunction with the tp.
_______In search of the ever evasive BM
Using dry paper is like using a dry cloth to clean your kitchen counter-not sufficeint._______I will never shit somewhere that only has that horrible, scratchy brand of toilet paper. That stuff sucks!
This is weird, why don't you people just rince your butts with water and soap, that's what Europeans,and us north Africans do, it keeps you as clean as ever, and besides you don't get germs from whats left in your hand(that you can't see),and you save a lot of money spent on buying toilet paper. Peace out.
I appreciate your comment AC, but I have found that my cat technique is far more effective than either toilet paper or soap and water, and far more eco-friendly than either of these methods. Broken down on a month to month basis, cats are as cost effective as soap and water too, unless one is feeding the cat gourmet cat food. I've found Friskies to be low cost, healthy dry food that fulfills the nutrition requirements of just about any cat. _______ The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.
Or else just run your ass through a car wash.
And, I might add on those days when only a wet wipe will do, just dunk the little bastard in the tank first.
Bilge, I've always wondered, what do you do about the claws?
Claws are no problem. Bilge has an asshole like a catchers mitt. Uh..er..Logjam told me that.
The claws work as an ass hair comb, removing klingons, as the fur absorbs the moister remnants of a turd. _______ The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.
I've hooked up a pressure washer to a Bede and fitted grab rails and a seat belt.... it seems to do the trick._______Did I just fart?.... Oh shit! NO!!
I have no tolerance for a crusty butthole. I used to carry around wipes, but I'm a guy and I don't have room. The last couple of years, I've been wiping with TP until I'm mostly clean, then I get a fresh piece and spit on it and use my "wet wipe" as a final clean up. Works great and you don't have to carry anything with you. If I carried a bag with me, I'd probably use wipes.
Coward, I'm not so sure it's a wise idea to mix mouth and asshole germs. I mean there is a reason they are a couple of feet apart. You could wind up with trench tukus.
I have only ever used tp on my 10,000+ trips to the cornhouse. Of the maybe 50 times that this was not sufficient -and I became itchy and sometimes swollen- I would say that 40 of those times I probably did not wipe/clean at all (due to forgetting, being too drunk, etc.) The other ten times, I admit I coould have wiped until the cows came home and all I would have done is risk getting my leftovers impregnated into my exit wound.
A common practice at work however (maybe once a month or so) especially when I am painting outdoors and no one is in the house to let me in, I will poo in a (sometimes empty) paint can, and wipe my arson with the outside, then the inside of my (now disposable) paint hat. I scratch a big "X" onto the can, incase someone gets a hold of it before I get rid of it.
Surprisingly however, even if I masking tape the lid onto the paint can, it still stinks up my truck, so I usually dump the dump immediately in the garbage can at the coffee shop (yes, I am sure it would stink the place out after a while, but I am just returning the food to sender) where I will do a quick rewipe with their half-ply mega-roll.
Wet wipes are for underbathed babies, and if need be, obsessed women that need something to make them feel that they can be as clean as we are down there./ Besides, what kind of man cares if your pipe is permanently stained brown? I don't care if my paintbrush is stained brown after a big job. I am the only one that has ever seen my barrel anyways, othern that that nice man -I think he was a priest- that used to come over and volunteer to change my diapers.
BTW I wash my paint brushes with soap and water, wipe them with paper towels and lotion, and leave them to dry on the dining room table.
To conclude, the worst thing I ever wiped my ass with was the thin -yet corrugated- piece of grease and pineapple-laden cardboard that they put underneath my hawaiian pizza that caused all this.
In a perfect world if I had the time I wouold never wipe, someone would wipe for me with a cham-woww soaked in diluted soap with a follow up warm water swipe.
What a prize of masculinity you are.
Toilet paper is enough to do the job. What else are you gonna do, have somebody spray your crack with a garden hose?
Myself, I spend enough time on the shitter. I don't need to spend another 5 minutes cleaning my ass after I've already cleaned it with toilet paper.
PM, you could use baby wipes, instead of dry toilet paper..._______The Original Grasshopper
Thanks Leandra, I'll try that next time. But don't they leave your ass with a kind of unwiped feeling? Just curious.
This will be point number 500 for me. Do I get anything for that, like a free "Great Comment" or something like that?
I know I've been here for almost a year...but I don't get what the points are all about. I just see a little number that changes a bunch of times.
PM: You could use a baby wipe, then use TP to dry/get that wiped feeling._______The Original Grasshopper
Leandra, points are how you tell who the real Poop Reporters are. The Shit Volcano, daphne, and prarie doggin, to name just a few, are legends. And of course there's Dave, who is like a deity.
I hope to someday achieve what they've achieved, but it will take a lot of hard work and sacrifice.
Okay then! I always wondered what that was all about. I guess I haven't archived throughly enough..._______The Original Grasshopper
Most of the time, TP is sufficient. When you make a mess, baby wipes may help_______Russell the shitting queen
I still think a combo of baby wipes and TP is best..._______The Original Grasshopper
If TP is not enough, try the sand blaster approach or in the alternative, go to the car wash and use the engine cleaner setting on the spray wand.
The best way is to dab some sulfuric acid on your anus after the main wipe.
No Sgt. Poonus...The best way is to dab some turpentine on YOUR anus after a good vigorous rubbing with a corncob.
_______Eat chilies and feel the burn!!
Is not the purpose of a thong to floss after wiping?
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