2) Do not prowl your empty kitchen, still (somehow!) hungry, and upon finding only eggs, decide to make six hard boiled eggs as a chaser.
3) Do not answer the call from a friend who has finished her exams to go out to the local pub for a beer.
4) Do not drink a spicy seasonal microbrew from a local brewery.
5) Do not drink four such microbrews upon discovering that you are the only man at a table full of cute girls.
6) Do not order a double batch of fried mozzerella sticks as a "gift to the table" and then eat all but two of them.
7) Do not stop by the mini-mart as you stumble home, and do not purchase one four-ounce bag of turkey jerky and one Power Bar.
8) Do not eat the whole bag of jerky and 2/3 of the Power Bar (and do not feed the remainder to your beagle) while sitting on the couch watching Connie Chung reruns on CNN.
9) Do not pass out on the couch without brushing teeth, removing boots or walking the beagle.
10) Do not, upon awakening, instinctively open the refrigerator looking for a beverage to kill the horrible taste in your mouth (only to discover that part of what you smell came from the beagle); and do not, upon finding only flat Coke and eggnog, drink a few ounces of each.
I've already made three equally despicable trips to the can,
and there is no end in sight. Worst of all, the
hot water's out, so I can't soothe my puckered chunksticator.
Ughh...
-- Mastercrapper [1]
Like Mastercrapper? He's featured in The Journal of Ass Production [2]!