We picked up Naomi and stopped for some Burger King along the way. My girlfriend and I ordered only coffee, but Naomi wanted a sausage biscuit and some tater tots, which she devoured in the truck on the way out.
Twenty minutes before we arrived, Naomi cut two juicy farts, which smelled like a ten-year-old can of sardines that had been buried in a vat of ten-year-old Cheez Whiz. Upon entering the park, we both made sure to ask Naomi if she needed to use the facilities. She assured us that she was quite fine, so we drove into the park and began off-roading.
The terrain was worse than the previous year and slammed us several times against the doors. Naomi yipped with excitement and said she hadn't had so much fun since Roosevelt invaded Cuba. We came to a small lake and stopped to admire it. Suddenly, without warning, Naomi sprayed a poltergeist-like burst of puke onto the windshield.
It smelled like a buried goat. I was alarmed because we had no paper towels to clean the windshield, so I took a t-shirt from the back and wiped. The result was a thin, space-age polymer of Spam-coated Teflon, which made it impossible to see through the windshield.
Naomi was sorry, but the nightmare was only beginning. We left the truck where it sat and helped Naomi towards the lakeshore where she might lay down for a bit. A humongous billow of toxic waste tooted out of her butt, signifying only the beginning of the trouble.
Naomi never made it to the lake. She squatted down like a sumo wrestler and although she attempted to get her pants down, she never made it. An enormous implosion was about to occur. A noise emerged -- similar to a garbage truck being shoved into gear -- and then a huge volume of shit sprang into her pants. Even this, still, was only the prelude.
She rolled onto her side and began puking and shitting. What happens next should never be told, but Keri must have gotten grossed out by the awful smell and then SHE started puking without any warning. Now I had to deal with two vomiters and a long trip back to town.
When we got back to the nursing home, about 70 people were in the lobby waiting for the dinner bell. We dragged Naomi to the elevator and got on. Another old woman was on and before we reached the fourth floor, THAT woman started puking all over the elevator and had to be helped to her room.
The seat in the Toyota had to be steam-cleaned, but nevertheless forever smelled of dried rotten shit crab sauce.