Whenever I finish pooping, I always take a look at the mess I've made in the toilet before I wipe. I'm pretty sure we all do. This peek is not only fun, but informative. It's important to know what is coming out of you, and you can impress yourself sometimes.

The way I look is I kind of half stand-up and look between my legs -- with my butt in the air. OK, before you stop reading, bear in mind I'm telling you this for a reason -- I'm not a pervert. You see, whenever I pull this little maneuver, I always think of an old pair of glasses that I had in college.

Let me explain.

When I was a freshman at Syracuse University I lived in a dorm and I wore glasses. Anyway, one day I had just finished crapping and I looked down to see quite a load of diarrhea in the bowl. It must have been all the dining hall cheeseburgers that I ate for lunch. As I was analyzing my feces, everything went blurry and I heard a strange plop.

That's right, my glasses fell in the toilet.

I couldn't see any trace of them, because of the un-firmness of my poop that day. The thought of rooting around in my own shit was pretty nauseating to me, but I needed those glasses. So my next course of action was apparent.

I wrapped my hand in toilet paper (this was the best I could think of in a crisis situation), took a deep breath, and started searching. It was not as easy to find them as you would think. A toilet is a big place when it is filled with poop. I was fooled into thinking that I had found them by a particularly firm piece of poop. This was almost enough to make me vomit.

I couldn't take it anymore and I pulled out. I looked with dismay at my hand and had an idea. If I flushed the toilet, the poop would go down, but my glasses might not. Since I didn't want to go back in there, I hit the flush without too much thought. The water cleared and -- there they were! I grabbed them out of the relatively clean water and felt pretty good.

As I was holding my glasses, I realized that I would never be able to put them back on my face again because of where they had been. I felt pretty stupid as I dropped them in the garbage on my way to taking a very long, very hot, shower.

I'm no longer in college, but I'm afraid of laser eye surgery so I still wear glasses. I learned my lesson, though. Since that day, I take off my glasses when I crap.

-- Justin