One not so fine winter day in first grade, I was stuck at home with some stomach virus I caught. It was awful. I woke up twice in the night because of my stomach's need to puke.

As time passed, it got better. By late mid-morning, my stomach was doing pretty well. However, I didn't think that maybe my intestines were not...

I have noticed in the past few years that stomach viruses seem to affect the stomach then travel down -- gradually leaving the stomach in peace but, without the victim knowing it, attacking the intestine.

I was young back then, and was not aware of the way diarrhea can disguise itself as an innocent fart. As I was happily talking to my mom, I decided to just let one little fart slip...

WRONG CHOICE. I suddenly blew a very big, chunky diarrhea that filled up my pants in a split second, not to mention the loud, muffled bbbbllllap noise this one produced. Still smiling innocently as I had before, I said in the cute little voice I had back then, "Oops, I just pooped in my underpants." My mom changed me, then suggested I go to the restroom just in case. I said no, that I would be fine.

Just five minutes later, I was sitting at the table eating breakfast, when blpppthtblam! I repeated the process all over. My mom practiced her part as a mom again, cleaning the underpants and getting new clothes for me. I thought that was the end of my diarrhea adventures...

But early into my Sixth Grade year, my little brother and I had been playing this fart game during breakfast. It was stupid, really. But anyway, as my mom was driving us to school, I thought I was about to get in a really big fart. Nope. Turned out to be a big diarrhea on its way, and quite a bit of it came out with that infamous *sqwplurt* noise.

Every once in a while this happens to me. I think a fart is coming, but it turns out it to be diarrhea. I usually stop it in time and end up with only a tiny bit of it getting in my pants, at which point I clean it up in a second or to with good ol' two ply.

This was not the case. I could feel there was too much diarrhea for me to clean it up. My mind raced for a few seconds, wondering how I would tell my mom. I then fessed up, and my mom drove me home, while I was sitting there, feeling physically miserable, since I was sitting in a nasty pool of liquid turd.

When I got out of my seat, I realized the diarrhea had leaked through my underwear, through my cargo shorts, and absorbed into the seat, leaving a nasty paint-like smell that lingered in the car.

I cleaned up, donned a new pair of shorts, and left for school. I have now learned to be wary and make sure that I am about to let out fart, not shit, when I think I am about to fart.

-- Robert [1]