Published on PoopReport.com (http://www.poopreport.com)

The Ass Ceiling: Gender And Bathroom Attendants

By The Big Wiper
Created May 3 2004 - 11:00pm
I can't speak for the women who frequent the ladies' rooms of the world, but I'm fairly certain most of us male PoopReporters have encountered bathroom attendants at some point in our ongoing public potty careers. In my estimation, there are two categories of attendants. First is the entirely superfluous hand-towel-offerer/ whisk-broom-the-dandruff-off-your-suit-coat-shoulders/ spritz-your-face-with-cologne jockey who hangs out with the shoe shiners in ritzy hotels and upscale restaurants. This type hopes to crank out a living on tips gleaned from fussing over more well-to-do members of his gender who have just cranked out a dook or drained the lizard in between cuisine courses or during those many coffee and Danish breaks at meetings and conventions.

This concept can frequently be an annoyance to those who want to grab their own towels, thank you very much, or who just want to be left alone after an earnest and odiferous consultation with the porcelain oracle. (Or who simply don't have any convenient change in their pockets for a tip.) And while I can justify a generous tip for food service well-rendered, I have always thought it was overkill in the extreme to put people in the position of having to part with their money because they have just parted with their poop. (Don't get me started on pay toilets, which, thankfully, seem to be going out of fashion everywhere!)

The second type of attendant is basically a janitor/custodian/maintenance person, employed to keep an eye on facilities along interstate and lesser highway rest stops; in airports, college, government and office buildings or other busy, high-profile public structures. They're not always present like the other kind -- they tend to drift in and out over the course of their shift -- but I have never been annoyed by a same-gender attendant on the job. They certainly don't rely on or expect tips for services rendered, which are usually behind the scenes anyway. I have noticed, however, that when an attendant has to service a bathroom of the opposite gender, problems inevitably arise. These can consist of anything from anecdotal embarrassment to rushing people and hurrying them out to logistical difficulties such as temporarily closing down the bathroom with out-of-order signs.

This second class of public potty guardians is necessary (as opposed to the gratuitous nature of the first) in order to make sure heavily-trafficked facilities don't run out of toilet paper, towels, or soap, or foist upon the unsuspecting public the gross and unpleasant spectacle of stanky backed-up toilets from time to time. But there's always that dicey angle about which gender should attend to which facility. I suppose it would not be cost-effective to hire only men to attend men's facilities and women for women's; for those who are Shameless, there's no problem anyway. The Shameful, of course, will always have issues, no matter who is doing what in the bathroom.

However, I can recall at least two personal experiences that challenged common sense regarding attendant hiring practices. When I lived and worked in Frankfurt for a year after college, I had occasion to use a large downtown public men's room after partaking of a modest but purge-inducing meal of bratwurst and beer. I received a mild shock to the system (Shameless as I am) when I walked into the facility to discover a very large, frumpy German woman sitting on a stool just inside the door. She had a perfect view of the row of urinals, sinks and crappers, with the doors in front of her. Her job was to hand out paper towels to men as they finished washing up at the sinks. She took no notice of me as I walked past her and dropped trou in one of the vacant stalls to fart and plop beside my German counterparts. And the glazed look on her face as she handed me a towel after I had finished up conveyed what a deadeningly crappy job she had. I didn't have the money to tip her, having exhausted my last Deutsche Mark on my meal.

It seemed to me that her situation combined the worst aspects of the fussy, gratuitous attendant concept with the more janitorial-like duties -- though I don't really know if she had to look after the toilets and monitor the toilet paper supply, or if that fell to someone else entirely. I also couldn't help but wonder if the city of Frankfurt had hired a man to attend the ladies' room next door. Somehow, I doubt it; but I have heard that the superfluous, fussy-type of female attendant is not unheard of in men's rooms in other European countries. In America I think that would be considered somewhat of a cultural stretch and would not fly any more than a man attending a ladies' room would. (Men in general are not allowed to know what goes on when their wives, mothers, sisters and girlfriends leave to 'powder their noses' everywhere across the country.)

The other circumstance in which an opposite gender attendant caught me off guard was at Texas A & M. Many years ago, after looking up a friend living in one of the barracks dorms (he was in ROTC) that featured military-style open stalls, I had to take a dump. I was right in the middle of my BM (and quite exposed to all comers) when a female janitor entered the premises without knocking. She turned around and walked out when she saw me, and I shrugged off the incident and continued my crap; but still I wondered if hiring a male attendant for a male dorm wouldn't have been a better choice. I also doubt that a male janitor would have been the first choice to service a woman's dorm; but perhaps it's a matter of taking whoever is willing to do this type of drudgery, which can't really pay very well anywhere, even though someone has to do it.

Gender considerations in hiring practices apart, I suspect that bathroom attendants will always be with us in various forms. The self-cleaning, self-supplying facility has yet to be invented, although my perception is that advances in technology (such as that irritating and sometimes startling red-eyed auto-flush device) may eventually render some of their heretofore-necessary services obsolete. I also wonder just how many of us have ever had one of these people around when we really and truly needed them in an emergency situation. Perhaps some of us have shouted over the partition phrases such as, "I'm out of toilet paper in here. Could you please bring me a roll?" or "The toilet just backed up. Help!"

-- The Big Wiper [1]


Source URL:
http://www.poopreport.com/Consumer/Content/Attendants/attendants.html