It happened in 1984ish... making me all of 11 years young... a day that would live as one of the most embarrassing bathroom experiences ever...

I was at my friend Brad Barton's house one summer afternoon. We had been outside all afternoon playing war or something like that, when all the sudden my little boy stomache started rumbling out of control. It was definitely time for me to visit the bathroom.

Now I dont know about any of you out there, but I had a BIG problem about pooping at anyones house other than mine. It was just something i was very uncomfortable with -- but this time, there was NO getting out of it. I HAD to let it go. So I quickly ran through the house to find the closest bathroom, locked the door, and proceeded to do my thing.

It was incredible. I mean, this shit was incredibly long. I couldn't believe that this thing actually came out of my little ass. But needless to say, it did...

So I pulled my pants up and reached for the flusher... but that's when trouble set in...

The giant poo would NOT go down the toilet. I tried and tried, flush after flush... but there it stayed. Halfway submerged in water, with the rest of it stuck to the side of the bowl, basically standing up vertically...

I was horified... what was I gonna do now??

I couldn't just leave it there, for his mother to find, or his older brother (which was even worse being that he would announce to everyone that I was the kid who shit at other peoples houses and didn't flush)... No way. Something had to be done.

Well, I sat there for a few minutes, and then I started looking throughout the bathroom for some sort of utensil to unlodge the monster-crap. As I opened the closet, I peered down at the floor, and to my suprise I saw a hole in the floor... a hole which seemed to not go anywhere, but a hole through which I could drop my poo, and forget about it. I would hide it there... no one would EVER know...

I found something that I could grab the poo with, and I reached into the toilet to grab it. I was gonna go for it. I was gonna drop the poo in the black hole.

I pulled it from the murky doodie water, quickly moved towards the closet, knelt down, poo in hand, and dropped that shit through the hole in the floor. I smiled with the feeling of victory. I had gotten rid of the poop. Noo ne will ever know what happened to me in the bathroom that day...

well, later that day, I had already gone home... but what happened was that it turned out the hole did in fact go somewhere... it went directly to the basement of the house, where the washer and dryer were, where the mother did the laundry... And that night when she went downstairs, she was greeted by a HUGE piece of shit splat down right in the middle of the floor.

I was at home when the phone rang, and it was Brad's mother calling for MY mother... and boy did the shit hit the fan...

Needless to say, I rarely visited Brad's house after that day, nor could I (I still can't) look that poor woman in the eye...

I shit on her floor...

-- Jason