I suppose I lead a rather boring life these days. I experience few moments that I would say are extraordinary, especially to the extent that they seem worthy of putting into narrative form. Today, however, was a different story.

The day began like any other Saturday trip to the gym. As I entered the weight area, I noticed buckets in various locations positioned to catch water from the leaking roof. Also, there was the sound of people working overhead. I assumed they were repairing the roof. No matter. I began my workout as usual and waited for my friend to arrive.

After a few sets, my friend showed up, and we stood around shootin' the shit for a minute. At that moment, what seemed like a normal day at the gym turned into some poor schmo's day from smell.

I happened to look over just in time to see this guy on an exercise bike catch what appeared to be roofing tar splatters all over his clothes and body. This liquid had come from the ceiling above him. Of course everyone started laughing, including the staff at the front desk.

Luckily the guy moved from the location just in time to avoid the deluge that ensued. What I thought was tar was not tar at all. The work above me was actually on the sewage pipes that were running right over our heads. That's right -- the black slugs that pelted that guy were huge drops of dung shasta! He moved right before the pipe broke completely, releasing a river of feces all over the bike and the floor. The desk staff wasn't laughing now! They had a lake of turds forming at a thousand times the speed of evolution right in the middle of their place of employment!

Shit water was showering down from the ceiling like God Himself had dropped trou and sprayed his runs on all the sinners.

Of course, the staff was freaking out. "Attention members! We have to evacuate the gym. A sewage line has burst." More like, "Attention members! We don't want you to drown in the turtlehead sea. Please get out so you don't have to watch us mop up doody-water!"

Wouldn't you know it, I had put my keys in one of the cubbyholes near the grime scene; so I had to jump the dookie lagoon to retrieve them. Fortunately, it had only achieved shit creek status; I was able to clear the turdle unscathed.

I'm sure this was much funnier to see than to read about, but it definitely gave me something to talk about with my fellow poop people. Now if only the smell clears up in time for me to go back on Monday.

-- The Fartist [1]