I have a 5 year old daughter. I guess it would be more acceptable in society if I had a son to raise as a shameless shitter, but this is all I have to work with. Women have been repressing the fact that they shit for too long anyway.

So the other night after work I took my daughter to McDonald's for some Chicken Slurry McNuggets. We can't use the drive thru because my daughter likes to play the video games and play in the jungle gym. We get the food and sit down and she starts ripping some stinky farts.

I have trained her to run up to somebody and fart on them when she has to expel gas. My wife hates it, she worries that she will do this at school and we will get in trouble.

So my daughter then tells me she has to go poopy. She tells me she will wait till she gets home (I like her thinking) but a few minutes later the turtle head must have popped out and she wanted to go then and there.

She feared going in the women's room alone and she didn't want to go in the men's room. I checked out the men's room, it was empty and I talked her into entering.

The only toilet in the only stall was full of urine and it had pee on the seat and before I could make it "shitable" she pulled down her pants and sat on it. Five seconds later she jumped off the can and said "I don't have to go". Great, she picked up a dose of germs for nothing. I made her wash her hands and we then went back to our table.

Two minutes later the turtle head must have made another move. This time we tried the "family bathroom" which was occupied earlier.

This toilet wasn't the cleanest either. This bathroom was a private room with a toilet, sink and changing table. My daughter made me stand in there while she shat. It was strange because at home she always locks herself in the bathroom when she shits.

So she was sitting there on this toilet picking up a second dose of germs. All of a sudden her face got red and her eyes began to water and bulge. She jumped up and there in the bowl was this monster turd!!

This thing had to be 7 inches long and 2 inches thick. My daughter only weighs 51 pounds, for her size this was a giant achievement.

I praised her for her good work and I flushed the toilet. The thing had one of the most powerful and loudest whooshes I ever saw or heard, it made my daughter jump.

We went back out to our table and some kids and adults were near our table playing video games. By daughter loudly announced to one lady "I just took a real big poop".

The lady was speechless. I just ignored it. I think I may be on the right track to raising a shameless shitter.