A few weeks ago, my coworker Michelle gave me my birthday gift: Bub L. Breezer, a little rubber guy that audibly farts and blows bubbles out of his little red butthole.
Michelle! You rule! I want to publicly thank you for your generosity. You are a saint and an inspiration to us all. And I also want to apoligize for how long it took me to write this. I'm slow sometimes. It doesn't mean I'm not incredibly grateful.
In Michelle's honor, I immediately placed ol' Bub in the men's bathroom to amuse us all. A few people were amused, and then the boss said to get rid of it.
What Bub does is quite simple. He blows bubbles out of his ass and makes farting sounds. Let's take a look.
Hahahahahahhahaaaahhaha! Ahhhhhh hhhahaaa ahahahaha! Ooooohohohoooohb ooooh! heee hee hee! *wheeze*
Yes, that's fun that just doesn't stop.
Now, Bub in-and-of himself is a quality product. No advertising necessary -- it sells itself, if you ask me. But some marketing genius thought it was necessary to spruce Bub up a bit by adding a little bit of culture, trying to "create a Bub L. Breezer image", as those marketing people would say.
So they put a poem on the back of the box. Take a look at it:
There once was a guy named Breezer...
His pants are down but he's no teaser.
From his position he may seem supple,
But all he wants is to make bubbles...
Don't worry, the bubbles don't smell...
Why, there's so much of it, how can you tell?
So bring Bub L. home for a laugh,
Because he's got a talent many don't have!
*silence*
*more silence*
Now, I'm no Bill Shakespeare, but that's... geez. That's bad. Really bad. <SEINFELD VOICE>Who was the marketing genius that thought up that one? </SEINFELD VOICE>
Oh well. Other than that poem, what a great toy! Thanks Michelle!