But what about our pets?

I would say most cats are shameful, with their fancy litter boxes and all. Hell, the two cats that live in my house have a roof to their box! Talk about privacy!

But since I don't care much about cats, I'll focus on dogs. Specifically, MY dog. He's a six-year-old Border Collie and his name is Krusty.

I recall taking him out to do his business when he was just a puppy. He took a crap and one piece got stuck in the fur on his right thigh. He freaked out. He started whining and yelping and spinning around in circles in the poop position to rid himself of it. As funny as it was, I also freaked out. As I knelt down to calm him, I shouted to my roommate using my emergency voice, "Dude, get a paper towel! HURRY!!"

These are the only two captured moments in almost 6 years that Krusty's been caught crapping in the open.

I believe that one single incident scarred him for life. As he matured, I started noticing many weird things he did. For the purposes of this story, I'll limit the list to one subject: his status as a Shameful Shitter.

"How can a dog be a Shameful Shitter?" some might ask. Easy. You ever go to a park and see big piles of shit right out in the open? They were deposited by a Shameless Shitter: a dog that runs around, fetches the ball, chases after other dogs and then suddenly stop and take a huge dump in the middle of the action. I classify them as Shameless, not to mention a little uncivilized.

Shameful dogs, such as mine, however, will wander off into the woods, bushes or tall grass with the sole intention of taking a dump away from prying eyes. It doesn't matter if it's 10 feet or 100 yards to the nearest acceptable area. Once he's there, he poop-walks around in circles, backing his ass in just right and unloads.

It also doesn't matter whose eyes are prying. When other dogs follow him to his spot and bother him, he'll hold it until they leave. Same goes for people. The bad part is when dogs or people stumble upon him doing his shameful deed -- it's the canine equivalent to being walked in on while s(h)itting in a stall. I don't wanna say it "humiliates" him or "embarrasses" him... but I can tell you he doesn't like it. When he and I make eye contact while he's crapping, I've learned to look away and pretend not to notice.

The cover of darkness often provides him with the privacy he needs. Before I go to bed each night, I let him out the front door. He often disappears behind a neighbors house, only to return between 3 to 5 minutes later. I think I know what he's been doing. I just hope my neighbors don't.