Every once in a while my wife gets a bug up her ass and wants to try some new exotic recipe. Most of these recipes suck and are expensive because they contain ingredients that we normally don't keep on hand. For example, I remember one recipe that called for sesame seeds, so she bought a bag a sesame seeds and used a little, and then the bag sat in the cupboard for years. Most of these recipes are elaborate and the kitchen gets trashed.

Well yesterday's creation were bulgur burgers. They are 75% Garbonzo beans and about 20% bulgur wheat. The last 5% is spices, a little yogurt, onions and garlic and 2 eggs.

Our food processor is small, so we tried mixing the concoction with a mixer. The beans were popping out of the bowl and shooting everywhere. We tried using the blender and we fucked up the motor and fried the blender. We finally got this muck in the form of 10 burgers and put them in the fridge to chill.

Well, about 5 beers later it was time to fry up the first batch of them their bulgur burgers. I sautéed some mushrooms to make them more edible, put cheese on them, and served them on whole wheat buns.

My wife and stepson sampled the first ones, while I drank a few more beers and cooked batch number two.

As my stepson was throwing his dinner in the trash and opening up a can of soup to eat, mine when done cooking. They sucked, but after all that work and expense, I chowed down two big bulgur burgers.

Well around 1 AM this morning I awoke sporting some major painful gas. I farted a few times and went back to sleep. By 5 AM I was in the bathroom taking shit number one. It was a 14 inch log, I was impressed... but wait.

At 7 AM I felt shit number two ready to make an appearance. This was a U shaped log of at least 16 inches, curling into the toilet hole and out. Well I then went to work and at 9 AM I felt a strong urge. No fucking way was I holding this back [1] until I went home at lunchtime.

I boogied to the bathroom, farting all the way, and checked the stalls. I thanked God for the empty bathroom and entered the handicrapper. Shit number three shot right out, and it was the longest one yet.

It was spring shaped and easily 18 to 20 inches. I wished I had a camera. I didn't admire my work all long as I wanted, I wanted to get out of the stall before a co-worker spotted me. I love the feeling of taking a shit at work and not being discovered doing it.

Bulgur burgers clean you out!!! I feel like I am floating on air!!
-- Doniker [2]

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