It started in history class, early on in the morning. Rumors were spreading around the classroom: something had happened in the boy's toilets again. A friend of mine had been between periods and discovered it. Comments like "How big was it?" or "Who did it?" or "What did it smell like?" were floating around the room. I finally asked the guy sitting behind me what was going on.
"Someone just did an enormous crap in the toilets -- so big it won't flush." This particular turd was said to be very long, and over an inch wide.
"Two words," I thought to myself. "Humanly impossible." But I had to see it for myself.
Since I already felt the need to pee, I asked the teacher if I could be excused to go to the toilets. He said yes, so I trotted down the hallway. Out toilets are located on the edge of the building with a door facing onto a covered area. I walked in, did my own business, and then started investigating the cubicles.
There it was. A turd beyond imagination.
Clogged halfway up the pipe, it looked to be about a foot long, and was so big that it refused to fit through the S-bend. No matter how many times you flushed it, it just would not move. It didn't really stink much because it had been in the water so long. There wasn't even any paper in there with it. I assumed that the guilty party had waddled to the next stall to clean up.
I had to go back to class. But how was a turd of that size possible? Surely no one's butt hole could stretch to that size?
At recess about six or seven of us all rushed in to have another look. A few of them nearly gagged, and I couldn't help but laugh at their reaction. Yells of disgust echoed from the cubicle, attracting more to view the spectacle at hand. I may as well have charged admission, so many people came.
There were varied reactions -- from looks of disgust to uncontrollable laughter to many looking like they were going to be sick. Several tried to flush it, but all that did was clean up the water. After a while, though, the water would turn brown again. There must have been some room for the water to get through, because the toilet wasn't backed up at all. Maybe the turd was just too heavy.
I would have gone back to see it at lunch, but I had other commitments. It was still there when I peed after school. I feel sorry for whoever had to get rid of it. I can just imaging their look of utter disgust as they pulled it from the bowl with a pair of tongs or something.
We couldn't figure out who had done it, but it had rice in it, which may be a clue. All I can say that whoever did it wouldn't be able to sit down for weeks.