It was the day of my birthday and I really had to shit! And I really mean I had to shit. I made it in time and it started pouring out my ass like a steamy liquid. My ass burned so much.
Then tiny little shit pellets started shooting out like a machine gun. After that happened I felt a huge sixteen-inch Monster coming on.
I had a huge monstrous fart right behind it. It was inchin and inchin out. Finally The Turtle poked his head out to say hello. That huge monstrous fart came out, and after the fart I felt like my ass had just exploded so I tried to push out my turtle and pushed and pushed it was like givin birth to a 100 pound baby. I pushed and sucked it back in repeatedly (it works if you have a huge turd). Finally It split in half and half just fell right down with a plop!
I had one piece left to go so I squeezed and squeezed and finally the huge Moby Dick turd came out with a loud house-shaking fart. I got up, turned around and looked at my Beautiful creation. Then I sat right back down because this really hot steamy red liquid started pouring out like Kool-Aid. I got back up and screamed CALL ME ISHMAEL!
I was wearing shorts that day, so I wiped and came out of the bathroom. All of a sudden a liquidy diarrhea melted down my leg. I ran back in the bathroom and I had to change my pants because I just Shit them.
What a birthday that was, that was the worst day of my life. Now I know what birth feels like and I don't want to experience that ever again. My ass burned all day and I always had to go to the bathroom to take a boily crap all day it was like I had just lost 10 pounds.
When all my friends came over that day they looked at me weird because I still had the brown dry crap trails on the back of my leg and the smell of my bathroom almost made them leave. I laughed because one of my friends went into my bathroom and puked so much. That was one day I will never forget. When my friends sang the dumb happy birthday song for my birthday one of my friends smelled my bathroom and puked on the floor and had to leave after that. HA HA! Happy Birthday To Me.
-- JVR