The Colossal Colon Tour Begins

"Dear Che: It's great that you'll be attending and covering the event for the PoopReport.com. As I told Dave the editor, a colossal colon and poop are humorous, but we definitely take the Tour and prevention messages for colorectal cancer very seriously and hope that you will do the same. Doctors and survivors will also be there, who feel the same and we want to stay true to the cause throughout the Tour. That said, we're happy to accommodate you as well as other media who attend the event."
-- Heather T., Organizer of the Colossal Colon

A cautious invitation, betraying a fear that a bunch of poop freaks are going to crash her party. Not that I blame her -- but then again, if you're organizing a 20-city tour of a 40-foot colon, people like us are kind of par for the course.

[1]
I can't help but think of the escape scene from The Shawshank Redemption...

Today marks the official launch of The Colossal Colon Tour [2], an eight-month nationwide tour of a giant colon. Intended to draw attention to colorectal cancer prevention, early detection and treatment, the Colossal Colon is a 40-foot long, 4-foot high replica of the human colon. Visitors will crawl through the colon to see examples of healthy colon tissue, Crohn's disease, diverticulosis, ulcerative colitis, polyps, various stages of colon cancer, and many other horrors that can change your pooping habits for good.

Modeled after real colonoscopy footage, the Colossal Colon is the creation of Molly McMaster, a 27-year-old colon cancer survivor, and is dedicated to her friend Amanda Sherwood Roberts, who lost her battle with colon cancer at age 27.

Are you going? Email PoopReport! [4]

Today through Saturday, the Colossal Colon will be in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. PoopReporter Che Guanovara [5] will be at the press conference, and we're hoping he'll be the first member of the public to pass through the colon. In October, the colon wraps up in New York City, and I'm hoping to be the last person to pass through.

Presumably, visitors exit the colon via the anus. PoopReporter = poop; the circle is complete.

It's scary that your ass can kill you. While the irony may be sublime, the issue is a somber one. As I explained to the folks behind the colon, the fact that PoopReport is dedicated to the appreciation of poop humor will not preclude us from taking colon health very seriously.

But at the same time, taking colon health seriously won't preclude us from being entertained by a giant traveling colon.

So go to the Colossal Colon. Wear your PoopReport t-shirt [6]. Crawl through, learn about the serious issue of colon health, and then exit the colon. Via the anus.

Send us a picture.

Every day, PoopReport pays tribute to the laughter and the horror that our bodies produce. Our colons have given us so much happiness; it's time to do something in return. Visit the Colossal Colon and learn how to keep your poop healthy, so you can keep on pooping out the great poop stories.

-- Dave [7]

Like Dave? He's featured in The Journal of Ass Production [8]!

If you don't have a t-shirt [9], print this logo [88k JPEG [10] | 2.1mb TIFF [11]] -- hold it proudly when you take your picture.

5 STEPS TO LOWERING YOUR RISK OF COLORECTAL CANCER from PreventCancer.org [12]

1. Get regular colorectal screening tests beginning at age 50. If you have a personal or family history of colorectal cancer, or colorectal polyps, or a personal history of inflammatory bowel disease, you may need to be tested earlier and should talk to your health care professional about when.

2. Maintain a healthy weight by eating a low-fat diet rich in fruits and vegetables and whole grains from breads, cereals, nuts and beans.

3. If you use alcohol, drink only in moderation.

4. If you use tobacco, quit. If you don't use tobacco, don't start.

5. Exercise moderately for 30 to 60 minutes a day, five days a week. Try walking, gardening, or climbing steps -- or any activity that burns 150 calories of energy a day.