Dirty Dining

Since getting involved with PoopReport in early 2003, I've become a pretty dedicated poop story detective. I've tracked down latrine-related leads ranging from the anal aftermath of competitive eating [1] to men being forced to check out toilet paper [2] for the bathroom at the public library in Decatur, Alabama. Sometimes, however, a poop story lies hidden just beneath the surface of seemingly unrelated statistics and other well-collated data and--with a little digging and extrapolating--one discovers it just waiting to explode onto the scene like a severe case of the trots.

On an October 3 broadcast [3] of Dateline NBC, I watched in disgust and dismay as Consumer Correspondent Lea Thompson filed an extensive report chronicling the total number of critical health violations committed by America's Top Ten family-style restaurants. In her piece, a critical violation was defined as one that could make you sick -- anything from letting food sit out too long, to not washing one's hands after going to the bathroom and then serving or handling customers' food.

As someone who travels five states for a living and has patronized IHOP, TGIF, Applebee's, Outback and Chili's from time to time, I was horrified by these statistics (gathered from a survey of a hundred restaurants in each of these chains in all fifty states). One particularly horrific incident--the acute salmonella poisoning of twenty-seven year old Jen Lussow, of Vernon Hillls, Illinois, at a Chicago-area Chili's -- was so unsettling to me that it induced real paranoia about ever having the reasonable confidence to eat out in public again. That particular

Total critical violations
Waffle House	594
Ruby Tuesday	514
IHOP	513
TGIF	490
Applebee's	446
Outback	418
Chili's	402
Red Lobster	350
Bob Evans	315
Denny's	296
Note: Based on a survey of 1,000 restaurants, 100 from each of the 10 largest casual restaurant chains in the nation, from Jan. 1, 2003 to March 1, 2004. Source: Dateline NBC

Chili's, it turns out, had its hot water heater break down, which meant there was no hot water to wash the dishes, clean the tables, or even wash hands; but the manager kept the restaurant open anyway. As a result, Lussow was curled up in bed for days with nausea and diarrhea; through some extensive detective work, the health department later determined that the salmonella had been caused by an employee who had failed to wash his or her hands after a bowel movement. This hardly made me want to rush out and dine at any of the chains on that list.

On a recent business trip to New Orleans, a customer of mine (whom I'll call Carolyn) triggered the whole subject again. She told me about a recent trip she and her friend Patricia had taken to Texas, where they'd eaten at the #1 offender, Waffle House. Ordinarily, she explained, they do not patronize such truck stop-type cuisine, but they were starving and found themselves driving by one at the right time -- or, as it turned out, the wrong time. Within hours of eating the breakfast food there, both Carolyn and Patricia had severe food poisoning. Patricia's lasted days longer than her friend's did, but both of them spent a great deal of time traipsing back and forth to the bathroom until the tide had rolled out.

"I suspect the salmonella may have been from the eggs, because they tasted funny at the time," Carolyn revealed to me. "But we were so hungry, we ate them anyway."

I shuddered every bit as forcefully as I did when I had seen the Dirty Dining report, because I have to rely upon restaurants to feed me as I travel around on business. Although I've never been a Waffle House/Denny's-type guy, the violations cited nationally for the Top Ten chains don't inspire me to continue to patronize any of the others I've tried. Instead, I plan to do more light supermarket shopping and bring preparable food back to the hotel room, as well as frequent more upscale establishments that aren't a part of franchise chains where apparently great lapses in sanitary conditions occur.

Serious food for thought, especially when critical violations could result in such calamities as kidney failure and even death. On the sunny side (up), Ms. Thompson's report was careful to say that some of the restaurants in each chain had no violations cited at all -- but I find that really of little comfort, since it is impossible to tell by walking in what any given restaurant's track record is. And, of course, I doubt you could get a straight answer out of the average waiter or waitress with the question, "Did you wash your hands after your last bowel movement?"

According to the National Restaurant Association, it is possible to request the health inspection records from local officials for all the restaurants in your hometown. So at least you can have the facts when you're eating out in your own town.

Still -- I must resist paranoia, and be fair enough to admit that I have never had any bowel problems as a result of dining in any of the restaurant chains on that list. Perhaps I've lucked out so far. But it's very clear, both from the Dateline report and from my friend's testimony, that some of these nationally-franchised outlets could turn out to be a serious gastrointestinal disaster waiting to happen -- and, dedicated PoopReporter though I may be, that's the sort of story I'd rather not get the inside poop on.