Save Troy

No one has ever suffered as much from pooping his pants as Troy Musil of Erie, Pennsylvania.

Update 8.6.02004
Perhaps you've seen the news: Troy is in jail [1]. It seems he was arrested on burglary charges, stemming from a July 6 incident -- the day BEFORE PoopReport launched its fund-raising campaign.

It's unclear as to whether he missed paying his poop fine because he was already in jail, or he just blew his fine off. Either way, he now owes $0 and will be spending ninety days in jail -- that is, once his burglary sentence is finished.

I have no details about Troy's latest infraction. The last I heard from him (towards the end of July), he had gotten a job (at McDonalds, but at least it's a job) and was planning on paying the fine when August first rolled around. It sounded like he hoped to put this mess behind him and go on with his life.

Why did Troy go on a burglary spree on July 6? I don't know, but I can't help but suspect it was related to the pants-pooping charges -- a feeling of being alone against the government, being overwhelmed by the magnitude of his punishment, having no job, having no home...

I've emailed Troy's brother, asking for details. I'm going to try to see about getting refunds for those who donated. The money, of course, went directly to Troy (via his brother)... I'll see what can be done.

You've certainly heard the story [2]. This May, suffering from morning-after sickness, poor Troy Musil didn't quite make it to the bathroom. Embarrassed, he bagged his soiled pants and threw them into what turned out to be property of the Erie Water Works. He forgot some things in his pocket, though; and the next day, when someone spotted him climbing the fence to get it, the city assumed the worst. They shut down the reservoir. They called the FBI. They called the bomb squad. Troy was tracked down and arrested, suspected of being a terrorist.

Once the Feds understood the innocent nature of his crimes, they reduced the charges to defiant trespass. At the end of June, they handed down their judgment: a $5000 fine [3], intended to pay for the emergency services the city mobilized.

You've heard all that. But here's what you haven't heard:

After the FBI came around asking questions, Troy's boss fired him, saying, "I don't need this kind of attention."
After Troy got fired, he couldn't afford his apartment. He's had to move in with a friend.
If Troy -- now unemployed and broke -- doesn't pay the fine, he's going to jail.

I've spoken to Troy. He says he has no choice. Faced with $500 a month for ten months or ninety days in jail, Troy expects to go to jail.

Now, no one is saying the government should have acted any differently. I'm heartened to know that when someone is spotted lurking around a city's water supply, the Feds act quickly and decisively. That's exactly what the government should do.

And no one is saying that Troy shouldn't be held responsible for his transgressions. He shouldn't have littered. He shouldn't have trespassed. He broke the law; no one is saying otherwise.

What we are saying is this: Troy is known across the country as the kid whose sphincter got him mistaken for a terrorist. He got arrested because of it. He got fired because of it. He lost his apartment because of it. And now he's going to jail because of it?

What we're saying is this: hasn't he suffered enough?

There are four things that Troy desperately needs: money; a job; legal representation; and media exposure.

First thing's first. On August 1, the initial $500 of his fine is due. Right now, on August 1, Troy is planning on going to jail. So any amount you can give will help. $4. $10. $15. $1. Anything you can spare will help keep this poor kid out of prison. Please donate to Troy's legal fund! [4]
Troy needs a job. His experience is in construction; please let us know if you need a strong back for any project around Erie, PA. Troy is a good worker caught in a bad situation.
Troy doesn't have a lawyer. It's just him versus the system, and he's resigned to the fact that the system has won. He needs any advice or representation anyone can offer.
Finally, Troy needs publicity. We need five hundred people to give $10, or five thousand people to give $1. Tell the media, tell your friends, tell your Congressperson -- spread the message in any way you can.

What's done is done. Troy Musil was caught in the unfortunate intersection of bad judgment, homeland security and Montezuma's Revenge. He soiled himself, he littered, and he trespassed. But will Erie be a better place with Troy Musil in jail?

Troy Musil is already forever known as America's most notorious pants pooper. Is jail really necessary?

[5] [6]

Update 8.6.02004: donations have been suspended until we figure out what's up with him.

Click here [7] to make a comment supporting Troy!

Troy is in jail. His fine has been cancelled and transformed into jail time. Donations have been suspended. More as it happens...

1) Donate to Troy's legal fund! [8]
2) Give him a job.
3) Give legal advice or representation.
4) Make a comment [9] to show your support.
5) Spread the word!

Thanks to our generous donors!

July 28
· Tom Veiga AKA The Fiddler
· Plus one anonymous donor!

July 26
· Two anonymous donors!

July 23
· Two anonymous donors!

July 22
· Tony peet
· Topher
· Plus one anonymous donor!

July 19
· Two anonymous donors!

July 12
· Clustersnarf [10]
· Hairy Pooter [11]
· Mike Eifert
· Eric Lewis
· Claire Renner
· Plus six anonymous donors!

July 9-11
· Turd Ferguson
· Plus one anonymous donor!

July 8
· Brian Torbit
· Plus three anonymous donors!

July 7
· Richard Evan H.
· Steve Jasinski
· A. Holtz
· Ross
· Dan
· Plus five anonymous donors!

July 6
· The Big Wiper [12]
· Daphne [13]
· Dave [14]
· General Colon Pow! (The Big Cheese)
· Plus four anonymous donors!

PoopReport.com [15] is devoted to the intellectual appreciation of poop humor. One of the reasons poop humor is so funny is because it's so universally understood -- across all languages, across all cultures, the morning after Taco Bell engenders instant empathy. We all suffer equally under the tyranny of the bowels.

With this as our philosophy, it's only natural that we step forward to help. We laughed at Troy when his story came out; but now that we know exactly how much trouble his bowels have caused, we feel it's our duty to do what we can.