| INDIAN TOILET FUNDRAISER |
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Sixty Indian families can look forward to their very first toilets. Thanks, PoopReport. [1]
| NEW CRAP |
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STORIES ABOUT POOP
The Angry Custodian [2]
An innocent oversight becomes a whole lot worse.
------ posted 5.9.2008 by Little Lord Far... [3] (24)
STORIES ABOUT POOP
A Fart In A Storm [4]
It was a dark and stormy night. Suddenly...
------ posted 5.8.2008 by snowpea [5] (90)
STORIES ABOUT POOP
A Rest Stop Too Far [6]
A few miles per hour matter.
------ posted 5.7.2008 by Little Lord Far... [7] (24)
STORIES ABOUT POOP
Transcendence In The Bushes [8]
Finding enlightenment in the most unlikely place.
------ posted 5.6.2008 by flak [9] (10)
STORIES ABOUT POOP
Fearing The Pooper [10]
Doniker's anxiety manifests in his butt.
------ posted 5.5.2008 by doniker [11] (1491)
POOP OF THE WEEK [15]
THIS DAY IN POOPREPORT HISTORY [16]
POOPREPORT JOB BOARD [17]
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Stories about poop. Essays about poop. Consumer reports about poop. Comics about poop. It's all here on PoopReport.com. But if that's not enough, then get PoopNews -- delivering quasi-monthly news and email-exclusive poop content right to your inbox. Subscribe today!
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The 2 Girls 1 Cup defense: a scat producer goes on trial [21]
While the US government seems content (so far) to allow its citizens to read funny poop stories, it has drawn the line at allowing them watch people poop on each other. Ira Isaacs, a fifty-seven-year-old Los Angeles director, will go on trial next month [23] on a six-count federal obscenity indictment for making films like Laurie's Toilet Show, Mako's First Time Scat, Gang Bang Horse (Pony Sex Game), and Hollywood Scat Amateurs No. 7.
(You don't want to Google those titles.)
But Isaacs isn't pursuing common-sense defenses like First Amendment arguments or the fact that consenting adults should be able to watch other consenting adults poop on whoever and whatever they please. Instead, he's arguing that his work is art, not porn, and thus not subject to decency laws.
"I don't want to say this is porn," Isaacs told Radar Magazine, "I don't think the people watch my stuff to watch sex. They can watch porn for that."
Isaacs elaborates in an interview with Adult Video News [24] (link NSFW): "People don't buy my videos because they want to watch people having sex. Regular porn does that. I need to convince people that mine is serious art."
So he's going to take the stand and argue that Debbie Does Imodium is serious artistic expression. And 2 Girls 1 Cup, as Reverse Cowgirl points out [25], is going to bolster his case -- because (and our own poll supports this point [26]), the people watching it are not looking to get their rocks off. "People are trying to shock themselves, because in today's world, everything is shock on TV. {...} People need a lot to be shocked these days." People watching 2 Girls 1 Cup, he says, aren't seeking sexual gratification. So the gratification they get can only be artistic.
Isaacs' product is packaged like porn, is marketed like porn, and is consumed like porn. Doesn't that make it porn? Six years ago, I asked the same question to Jed Ela, the artist behind ShitBegone toilet paper [27]. "Your {declared artistic} intentions aside," I asked, "you are making and selling a product. You market something that appeals to a niche. To me, that sounds like capitalism. If you consider ShitBegone art, how do you differentiate it from what Proctor and Gamble does?"
Ela's answer convinced me that ShitBegone is art. So because I'm also convinced that Merde d'Artista [28] is art and Fountain [29] is art and Cloaca [30] is art, does that mean that I have to believe Hollywood Scat Amateurs Numbers 1-6 are art as well? I sure hope not. Because that kind of art is gross.
| POOP OF THE WEEK |
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I'm now thirty-one years old, and my newborn son pooped himself for the first time today. This reminded me of a long-since passed memory of a certain grey blanket, and of unfortunate timing.
I was four years old at the time, not yet in school, and I had been holding in my shit for a commercial because I was watching my favorite show. I suddenly felt my bowels rumble and I immediately shot up out of my chair because I knew this was it -- it was coming out!
My bathroom was two floors above, and I knew I wouldn't make it in time. I quickly looked around for something, anything, to poop into. And there I saw it: a fuzzy grey blanket in the corner of the room. I darted for it and lifted up my bathrobe and BOOM -- I let a massive log right out into the blanket.
I stood there staring at it for a few moments. I realized it wasn't even slightly stinky, so I just took the blanket and wrapped it up and threw it in the basement closet.
A week passed. I was in my basement. I realized there was a horribly rancid smell. Just as I remembered what I had done, my mother came down and her face was something that no man had seen before.
I think you can put the rest of it together on your own. And yes, I was grounded for four weeks.
-- posted 4.28.2007 by Shiz
Archived Poops Of The Week [33]
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THIS DAY IN POOPREPORT HISTORY: May 11 |
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STORIES ABOUT POOP
Wifey Nails Herself [34]
What's that in the air? Divorce?
------ posted 5.11.2007 by grundy [35] (21)
STORIES ABOUT POOP
The Girl From Starbucks [36]
Warning: a slightly adult story.
------ posted 5.11.2006 by ButtPuker [37] (10)
STORIES ABOUT POOP
Jerk And Clean [38]
------ posted 5.10.2005 by Shittin' and Gr... [39] (10)
BMNEWSWIRE
Mr. Floatie: the Canadian political poo [40]
------ posted 5.11.2005 by Turd Hugegrunt [41] (448)
STORIES ABOUT POOP
Writhing In Cars With Boyz [42]
------ posted 5.10.2004 by Crapola [43] (224)
BMNEWSWIRE
Found on Amazon: Stop Eating Poop [44]
------ posted 5.11.2004 by Dave [45] (11451)
COMICS
Teed Off Turd III [46]
TOT thinks he's a super hero... silly piece of crap.
------ posted 5.10.2003 by Ass Phlegm [47] (314)
| THE POOPREPORT JOB BOARD |
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Are you an employer? Hire a PoopReporter! We're capable, we're dedicated, and we've got a great sense of humor. If nothing else, we'll talk about your company bathroom on this site.
SHITS HAPPILY IN THE SHADOWS [48] (NYC)
SHITS is an energetic, cracker-jack freelance writer and editor. She has a BA from a major, nationally-ranked university. She also has a background in government, which means that she is able to deal with all kinds of shit and shit flinging. She's a hard-working little shit, and is willing to work below the industry rate (read: cheap!) in order to garner more experience, and will provide prompt feedback.
FECAL FOLLIES [49] (TENNESSEE) POOPMATIC [51] (SOUTH CAROLINA) PILL POOPER [53] (CENTRAL/SOUTHERN NEW JERSEY) ASS PHLEGM [54] (WOONSOCKET, RI) DAPHNE [56] (TACOMA) CRAPOLA [57] (NYC) Her rates are reasonable, by NYC standards. That means cheaper than what Madonna pays, but more expensive than a session at your neighborhood meat market. She's internationally recognized in the fitness industry, but doesn't feel like bragging to fellow PoopReporters :-) Shameful & shameless OK.
Fecal Follies is a freelance fiber artist [50]. She's debating whether or not to list some experimental key rings that unexpectedly resembled curling turds. She delights in producing custom orders through Etsy's Alchemy process, and will be more than happy to crochet you that shades-of-brown afghan that you've always wanted to have in your living room. Mention this site when ordering and you'll receive a free gift. (No, not THAT -- she doesn't want the Postal Poop Inspectors at her door!)
Poopmatic is a freelance illustrator, specializing in cartoons, caricatures, and humorous illustrations. He's also been adding his talent to this very site! When asked about freelance work, Poopmatic exclaimed, "Hire me now before the trees get me!" His rates are reasonable and so is his talent. You can see all his crap at mikepaglia.com [52]. Mention this site and he'll do a special drawing just for you!
Specializing in high-end home and mobile audio/video systems, Pill Pooper has over nine years of in-the-field experience with all types of low-voltage systems -- including security, home audio, whole house audio, intercoms and pretty much anything electronic. He does residential as well as commercial installations. Pill Pooper is fully insured and offers sales, service, and troubleshooting. Free estimates! (And when he's on site, he promises to treat your toilet with the utmost respect.)
If you've bought a PoopReport T-shirt, you've already helped support Ass Phlegm in his time of need. If not, you should buy a shirt [55]-- or, better yet, give Ass Phlegm a job. A graphic designer experienced with all the major programs, plus all sorts of old-fashioned artforms, Ass Phlegm's got 15 years experience bringing ideas from concept to final product. He designed the lovely PoopReport t-shirts, but that's not paying the bills... so any work in Rhode Island or anywhere else in the world would be enthusiastically embraced.
I work with animals, and I mean real animals. Big dogs and cats, sure. And I have picked up after hawks, owls, all songbirds, pigeons, cats, dogs, a bobcat once, groundhogs, rats, raccoons, opossums, and ducks. I can handle protection dogs as well. You name it -- if it poops, I've cleaned up after it. And I have done wildlife rehab, and I am looking to get a grooming license soon. Anyone in the Tacoma area, email me. I work,and animals really like me, and I know poop.
Crapola is a personal trainer and fitness instructor certified by the American College of Sports Medicine and the American Council on Exercise. She's certified in Pilates and aquatics too. And, prenatal, postnatal, and senior exercise. She never has and never will work in a gym. She comes to you, or you come to her, or maybe you meet her in the park for a great outdoor workout.
| THE SHAMELESS SHITTING MANIFESTO |
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The Shameless Shitting Manifesto [58]
This is a seminal moment for PoopReport: the Brown Revolution has begun.
The Book Of The Shameless [59]
Inscribe your name and pledge eternal commitment to the doctrine of Shameless Shitting.