Holidays '01: Crappy Gift Ideas

Friend, this page is ancient. Check out the 2005 PoopReport Holiday Gift Guide [1].

Every other site in the world goes commercial around this time of year... we thought we'd join in the fun.

Sometimes, the fact that I'm shilling a particular product may seem ethically suspect. I've identified most of the conflicts of interest.

UNDER-EASE FART-BLOCKING UNDERWEAR

Someone's

[2] finally done it. Underwear with a built-in filter that keeps the fart smell in. Imagine the possibilities! Now you (or your smelly significant other) can fart with impunity, unconcerned about whether gassy pleasure causes others pain. Now, $21.00 may seem like a lot for underwear, but I guess you have to decide what's worth more -- money or fresh air.

CRONYISM ALERT: None, actually, although I did once ask the folks at Under-Ease for a pair so I could review it. They never responded to me.

Click here for Under-ease Underwear. [3]

FECES FROM FECES FARMS

I'll

[4] only buy my fake feces from a small mom-and-pop shop that sells fake feces for the right reason -- for the love, not the profit. At Feces Farms, you get geniune, honest-to-goodness fake feces, produced lovingly by people who care. Plus, each fake feces comes with an official Certificate of Authentishitty. Choose from "log" or "pretzel."

CRONYISM ALERT: Feces Farms gives PoopReport free feces to use as prizes for our various contests [5].

Click here for Feces Farms. [6]

THE BROWN ALBUM -- BEER SOFTENED STOOL

The

[7] self-described "Lords of Potty Punk," Beer Softened Stool's The Brown Album is, in the words of our review, [8] a good album to play "when you're drunk and angry." Although the CD is a little light on poop-specific content for my tastes, our reviewer gave it three wipes.

CRONYISM ALERT: Beer Softened Stool's Fan Club President, Chip Brown, is a good friend of and frequent contributor to PoopReport.

Click here for Beer Softened Stool. [9]

THAT'S DISGUSTING: AN ADULT GUIDE TO WHAT'S GROSS, TASTELESS, RUDE, CRUDE & LEWD by Greta Garbage.

Page

[10] after page of sex, dung and other such stuff. Nasty stories, facts and trivia about everything. Basically, all you've ever laughed about on South Park is covered in this book, only this stuff really happened.

CRONYISM ALERT: Greta has ran book excerpts on PoopReport in the past, and once gave me an autographed copy of That's Disgusting. Plus, I'm an Amazon Associate, so I get 15%.

Click here for That's Digusting. [11]

HOW TO GOOD-BYE DEPRESSION: IF YOU CONSTRICT ANUS 100 TIMES EVERDAY. MALARKEY? OR EFFECTIVE WAY? by Hiroyuki Nishigaki

The

[12] premise behind Hiroyuki Nishigaki's book (translated from the Japanese) is that if you constrict your anus 100 times a day, you feel good. I just constricted once, and that felt pretty good, so I imagine 99 more times will be bliss. Plus, Hiroyuki claims some fellas experience added sexual prowess with this technique --- as if you needed more convincing.

CRONYISM ALERT: None! I'm actually recommending this book out of the goodness of my heart, and not blatant self-interest. Except, I'm an Amazon Associate, so I get 15%.

Click here for Constrict Your Anus. [13]