It was the fall of 2001. The wet wipes craze was about to begin. Soon, hoped both Proctor and Gamble and Kimberly-Clark, sphincters everywhere
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[2]They were wrong. The year is 2005 and today no one uses wet wipes [4].
In the beginning of 2001, Kimberly-Clark Corp announced its plans to launch what they called "America's first wet, flushable toilet paper on a roll," the Cottonelle Fresh Rollwipes [5]. That summer, Proctor & Gamble dropped the bomb that they were bringing their own wet wipes on a roll to market -- Charmin Fresh Mates Rolls [6], a product based on the acquisition of a wet-wipes-on-a-roll offering called MoistMates that had been sold in a few regional stores since the mid-90s. It was going to be an all out corporate war for the right to make our asses wet.
In essence, both products were extremely similar. Supposedly the Fresh Rollwipes were made with smaller fibers and broke down better in toilets; truth be known, they both broke down about the same. Still, 2001 was set to be a banner year for any shit-smith such as myself. We would now have the choice between regular, dry 90-grit toilet paper and touchably smooth wet wipes. The choices were endless -- should I get the regular wet wipes or should I get the wet wipes with moisturizer? Should I get the regular toilet paper or the scented, colored paper? As if we didn't have enough decisions to make in this world, now we had to contemplate even more for our bung.
One thing was clear: both companies were expecting tons of asses to be wiped with their new wet wipes. The roll idea, said Kimberly-Clark, was to be "the most significant category innovation since toilet paper first appeared in roll form in 1890." Initial forecasts were upwards of $150 million in sales for the first year and over $600 million annually after six. Both companies cited ample market research for their decisions -- according to Proctor & Gamble, nearly 2/3rds of Americans had used some form of moist towel for cleansing purposes.
Price on the Fresh Mates Rolls was $8.99. For your nine dollars, you got a big beige gadget that fit into your standard toilet paper dispenser, and four refills. Kimberly Clark countered with a $2.49 kit with one refill. And so the stage was set for the big launch.
Butt: it never happened. The proverbial shit never hit the fan. The wet wipes craze turned out to be a big pile of used toilet paper.