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What is more universal than poop? What emotion better transcends the gamut of social, political,
economic and geographical spectrums? From the mightiest Pharaoh to the lowliest peasant, poop binds us
as a species, as human beings.
PoopReport is dedicated to exploring the emotion and act of poop. We do it with a distinct post-modern post-Y2K post-Tom Green Americentric flavor.
But not today. Today we're kicking it old school -- 16th-Century Japan style.
According to The Art of
Haiku [2], haiku is practiced to "transcend the limitation imposed by the usual language and the
linear/scientific thinking that treat the nature and the human being as a machine." "[A haiku] must
register or indicate a moment, sensation, impression or drama of a specific fact of nature. It's
almost like a photo of some specific moment of nature.
Here's an example:
Although the structure varies, we're going to stick with the form most of us learned in elementary
school: 17 syllables, distributed across 3 lines: 5 - 7 - 5.
Haiku is beautiful. Poop is beautiful. Let's get started.
What's reality?
Your hot mom ramming my ass
with a chimney brush.
-- Posted 5.22.02001 by Knigel [3].
Aliens probe my anus.
Why did I eat bran?
-- Posted 5.22.02001 by Knigel [4].
clog up my small intestine,
Please don't leak in me!
-- Posted 5.22.02001 by Knigel [5].
"Thesis" pluralized
is "theses," so perfectly
rhyming with feces.
-- Posted 5.22.02001 by Knigel [6] (thanks C.R.).
flies buzzing all over it.
Turd squashed on shoe sole.
-- Posted 5.23.02001 by P.J.
Oh no, no toilet paper
Turn on the shower.
-- Posted 5.24.02001 by Hillbilly [7].
Arising from a dead sleep
Corn poop is funny
-- Posted 5.24.02001 by Hillbilly [8].
Dripping porcelean feces.
Why do I eat beans?
-- Posted 5.24.02001 by JoJo.
Crusty, sometimes lumpy too.
Clinging on the wall?
-- Posted 5.29.02001 by P.J.
visions of dancing demons
Jalepeno poop.
-- Posted 5.29.02001 by JoJo.
Wipe my ass and marks show up
Should of shit then!
-- Posted 5.29.02001 by Robert.
a burley sloth inches forth
corny head peeking
-- Posted 5.31.02001 by Hairy Pooter [9].
yawns like a black hole in space,
only gas comes out.
-- Posted 5.31.02001 by Colon Bowell [10].
I'll be stuck here for an hour --
Taco Bell's revenge.
-- Posted 5.31.02001 by Colon Bowell [11].
Dammit you just broke in two
Half loaf takes ten wipes.
-- Posted 6.5.02001 by Big Poopie Masta.
Shit stains on McNair jersey
Now shit's on the wall.
-- Posted 6.5.02001 by Tuffguy.
Dropping kids off at the pool
Nothing smells like stool.
-- Posted 6.5.02001 by anonymous pooper.
like good wine i let it breathe
turd in the oven.
-- Posted 6.5.02001 by John.
Shot out like a torpedo
'Twas a bean burrito.
-- Posted 6.5.02001 by Willy.
My toilet's name is Douglas
It's from Syracuse.
-- Posted 6.5.02001 by Colon Bowell [12].
Most toilet seats are too wide.
And I fall right in.
-- Posted 6.5.02001 by Colon Bowell [13].
swirling water flush my cares
life is now better.
-- Posted 6.11.02001 by John [14].
No need for toilet paper.
Not that I'm lazy...
-- Posted 6.11.02001 by Randy.
What was it I ate last night?
Was it spam? Oil slick.
-- Posted 6.11.02001 by Professor Lump [15].
Turtle head is poking out
No bathroom in sight.
-- Posted 6.11.02001 by Professor Lump [16].
Shitting in my just washed hair
I love poop...don't care.
-- Posted 6.11.02001 by Professor Lump [17].
Out my butt and in the can
Splashing on the wall.
-- Posted 6.11.02001 by Professor Lump [18].
I like stories about poo.
PoopReport is king.
-- Posted 6.11.02001 by Professor Lump [19].
What is the color of poo?
Babyshit yellow.
-- Posted 6.20.02001 by John [20].
...just floated an air biscuit.
Now I blame the dog.
-- Posted 6.20.02001 by John [21].
crooked sneer, like I smell shit.
Thought it was a fart.
-- Posted 6.20.02001 by John [22].
ass-ramming sex and peppers
Jalepeno hell.
-- Posted 6.20.02001 by John [23].
wiping my ass way too hard --
pulling ass hair out.
-- Posted 6.29.02001 by P.J.
Got the plunger, it's no use.
My poop is clogging.
-- Posted 6.29.02001 by P.J.
Spotting my Fruit-O-The-Looms.
Freckled undies now.
-- Posted 6.29.02001 by P.J.
More cheese please, yummy good cheese!
Haven't pooped for days.
-- Posted 6.29.02001 by P.J.
mixed with lingering poo poo.
Butt butter is made.
-- Posted 6.29.02001 by P.J.
Big doggy poo when you're gone...
Dog cigar on lawn
-- Posted 6.29.02001 by Moon Pie.
Like Kobra Khan from He-Man
(1984)
-- Posted 6.29.02001 by Mandingo.
Surely I will pay for it,
when shitting kernels.
-- Posted 6.29.02001 by Skip [24].
My ass aches, shit red with blood.
Ointment might just help.
-- Posted 6.29.02001 by Skip [25].
To fail will humiliate.
Sell dirty panties.
-- Posted 6.29.02001 by Debbi [26].
A delicacy so pure.
Would you like seconds?
-- Posted 6.29.02001 by Debbi [27].
Search engine, help clear the air...
PoopReport.com!
-- Posted 7.10.02001 by John [28].
Hoover Dam for my poo... No!!!!
The dam has broken.
-- Posted 7.10.02001 by Debbi [29].
looks over at me to see
me looking at him.
-- Posted 7.30.02001 by memorydump.
Now, goosebumps all over me...
My ass will explode.
-- Posted 7.30.02001 by Erin.
you stole, Republican poops
ya soil us all.
-- Posted 7.30.02001 by Poop-lotics.
I ate something wierd while stoned.
Recover with bath.
-- Posted 7.30.02001 by Skunkerooski [30].
toilet water now all brown
Someone light a match.
-- Posted 7.30.02001 by Fred.
|
This contest is now closed. Go here [31] and see the results! |