CONTEST #3: Funny Terms for a Rectal Exam

Last week, I went to the doctor for a rectal exam. (Read the story [1].) During a rectal exam, the doctor sticks his finger up your butt to look for hemorrhoids or other masses that may signify particular health problems.

And while a rectal exam is a serious medical procedure, it's also pretty funny.

So, in honor of the humor of the finger my doctor stuck up my butt, I am pleased to introduce PoopReport's newest contest: come up with funny ways to describe the ordeal I went through. Some examples:

Dr. K. helped me get to the bottom of my health problems.
Dr. K. boldly went where no man had gone before.
He took a starship ride around Uranus -- good thing I wiped out all the Klingons before hand!
Maybe it was a psychological problem... perhaps I should see an analist.
Now that I'm healthy, it's time to celebrate! Bottoms up!

The entries:

Colon bowling.
-- Posted 4.12.02001 by Colon Bowell [2].
Sphincter spelunking.
-- Posted 4.12.02001 by Colon Bowell [3].
Lingering fingering.
-- Posted 4.12.02001 by Pat.
Getting digits.
-- Posted 4.12.02001 by Pat.
Stepping into the ring.
-- Posted 4.12.02001 by Pat.
Driving the wrong way down a one-way street. (But the doctor has medical plates, so it's legal.)
-- Posted 4.12.02001 by Pat.
The doctor said: "Well, Dave, I'm not a dentist, but I am going to fill your cavity..."
-- Posted 4.12.02001 by Colon Bowell [4].
Disrobing for a probing.
-- Posted 4.12.02001 by Colon Bowell [5].
The digital revolution.
-- Posted 4.12.02001 by Colon Bowell [6].
Undressing for a pressing.
-- Posted 4.12.02001 by Matt S.
Poking the chocolate starfish in the eye.
-- Posted 4.12.02001 by Matt S.
Reverse cannibalism.
-- Posted 4.12.02001 by Colon Bowell [7].
Trolling for stinkfish.
-- Posted 4.12.02001 by Colon Bowell [8].
Sinking the stinky pinky.
-- Posted 4.12.02001 by Colon Bowell [9].
Charging your cruddy card.
-- Posted 4.12.02001 by Buzzeo.
Looking for lumps in all the wrong places.
-- Posted 4.12.02001 by Buzzeo.
Feeling arizona.
-- Posted 4.12.02001 by Buzzeo.
Digging for fire.
-- Posted 4.12.02001 by Buzzeo.
Bowelliards (aka, the 8-ball break).
-- Posted 4.12.02001 by Buzzeo.
Top secret intestigation.
-- Posted 4.12.02001 by Buzzeo.
And I thought I became a man at my Bar Mitzvah...
-- Posted 4.16.02001 by Scott.
Pinching the loaf within.
-- Posted 4.19.02001 by TBklyn.
Stretching the balloon knot.
-- Posted 4.23.02001 by Knigel.
The Big Dig.
-- Posted 4.23.02001 by Knigel.
Journey to the Center of the Earth.
-- Posted 4.23.02001 by Knigel.
Looking for Roger Clemens.
-- Posted 4.23.02001 by Knigel.
Going up the Hershey Highway.
-- Posted 4.23.02001 by HarleyClown.
Wine him, dine him, forty-nine him.
-- Posted 4.30.02001 by Gabe.
Backdoor browsing.
-- Posted 4.30.02001 by Rubella.
Let's play "Hide the Index Finger."
-- Posted 5.17.02001 by Matt [10].
And don't it make my brown eye blue!
-- Posted 5.17.02001 by Kathryn [11].
The Pokemon shuffle.
-- Posted 5.29.02001 by P.J.
Crack Investigator.
-- Posted 5.29.02001 by an anonymous coward
Having a Lunar (moon) Probe.
-- Posted 11.27.02001 by K. Mishan
Having a Dennis Rodman Moment.
-- Posted 11.27.02001 by K. Mishan
Internal Audit.
-- Posted 11.27.02001 by K. Mishan
A Prison "Howdy".
-- Posted 11.27.02001 by K. Mishan
Just Touching Pinkies.
-- Posted 11.27.02001 by K. Mishan
Up the Down Staircase.
-- Posted 11.27.02001 by K. Mishan
Guess what I have in my other hand?
-- Posted 11.27.02001 by K. Mishan