Dear Poopreport,

My daughter is almost eight years old. As with any child, her potty training had its ups and downs. But by the time she was six she really didn't need any more help in the bathroom.

My daughter is basically an only child (she has a 22-year-old half-brother), so she is a little spoiled. We call her The Dictator. She gets control of the TV remote, she orders us around like waiters, and nine times out of ten in any situation, she gets her way.

About six months ago we started discovering that she wasn't wiping her ass too good. We often found dook in her underwear while doing laundry, and she sometimes stunk like shit. My wife got on her about thoroughly wiping her crack.

It then got to the point where she was wiping so good that after every dump she would use a roll of toilet paper, and I would have to break out the plunger daily. We tried the wet wipes route, but she was still having problems. Not only was there still crap on her ass after several attempts at wiping, but it got on her clothes, the sink, the carpet, the wall, you name it.

After a month or so of not wiping good enough and/or wiping too much and making a mess, now it's something new: as soon as she's done pooping, we hear her call out, "Butt Problems!"

This could mean anything from shit smeared somewhere in the room to an ass filled with fudge. It now seems that EVERY TIME she's in the bathroom dropping a loaf, there are Butt Problems. Being since she is spoiled and gets frustrated easily, I wonder if she is now just taking advantage of the wife and I. Every day, it's the cry of "Butt Problems!", and we open the door to find her bent over, ass in the air and full of turd tracks, just waiting for one of us to wipe her.

I often protest that, since I am a man, I shouldn't be wiping a little girl's butt; so my wife is the main wiper. But I get forced to do it if Mom ain't home.

I know she shits at school, and there is nobody there to wipe her ass. Are we being taken advantage of? Is she even TRYING to clean her own ass? Are we mere servants to The Dictator?

The things I have to deal with.