Dear Poonurse,

How come my poop comes out in small balls like a rabbit's, and not like normal log turds?

Thanks for the question!

Apparently poo shaped like rabbit pellets is an extremely common affliction. So I have undertaken an exhaustive survey of the literature in search of the answer: rabbit poop, when not produced by actual rabbits, is a sign of constipation.

What causes constipation?

The most common cause is a lack of exercise, too much stress, and inadequate amounts of water and fiber in the diet. The longer the stool sits in the large intestine waiting to be passed, the harder it becomes, growing less easy to pass. Then it might get tired of being a log, and can sometimes just fall apart from all the stress of sitting around in the large intestine, thus forming the aforementioned rabbit-like poo. It must be VERY boring in the large intestine. I would fall apart, too, because I like to watch TV a lot.

There are many other reasons that you may find yourself constipated. Common causes of constipation include:

• A change in schedule, such as traveling or anything that changes your daily routine
• Repressing the urge to have a bowel movement
• An increase in your stress levels
• A lack of exercise and poor dietary habits
• Loss of activity as a result of injury or aging
• Pregnancy (I think we can rule this one out for you, Greg)
• Medication use (especially Percocets. I can vouch for that one!)
• Eating an entire pizza in one sitting WITHOUT chasing it with a six-pack of beer

Constipation may also be a result of another health problem, such as irritable bowel syndrome, diabetes or other illnesses.

A more uncommon type of constipation results from an actual obstruction in the large intestine. This can be caused by blockage, such as a tumor or a gallstone wedged in the intestine. Or a forgotten gerbil lodged up in there could presumably build a nest and thus cause an obstruction in this manner.

The bowel may also be obstructed if the large intestine has twisted on itself. Sometimes, after any type of abdominal surgery, scar tissue grows internally and pinches off or restricts a section of your bowel.

Yet another possible cause of bowel obstruction is from connective tissue diseases, such as lupus or scleroderma. Man, Greg, that would suck.

If you're experiencing symptoms of constipation for more than two weeks, it's a good idea to seek the advice of your doctor. He will put fingers and a variety of painfully large instruments in your butt to try to determine what is wrong. If he can't find anything, you will be charged at least $1000 and told it is all due to anxiety. Hope you have insurance!

In the meantime, increase your intake of water and fiber. (Although... rabbits eat TONS of fiber, and still are troubled by pellet-like poo.) Make sure you pay attention to your bowel habits and keep foreign objects out of there, unless inserted by highly trained medical personnel.

Be nice to your colon, and it will be nice to you!

Good luck, and thanks for asking Poonurse [1].

Poonurse is an RN with 25 years experience in labor and delivery. Her qualifications include seeing a lot of poop, and owning a computer. Also, she works in Michigan, which she calls the asshole of the universe, so that's another bit of credibility. Poonurse would like to remind you that she is a poo nurse, not a poo doctor. Her advice should be taken with moderate skepticism, and you should consult a REAL, sober medical professional if you have a serious medical condition.