When I was a kid, a cheap date involved three stages: movie theater, fast-food joint, back seat of a Chevy. These days, prices what they are, there are often only two: bar stool, then bar stall. A causal reading of recent news suggests that even the well-to-do are settling for the commode quickie.

Hollywood, CA. The scuttlebutt is that Paris Hilton got so hot over new flame, Greek shipping tycoon Stavros Niarchos, that she allowed herself to be wooed and doed in the loo [1].

Tampa, FL. Two Carolina Panthers cheerleaders were arrested this past weekend for some unscripted tumbling in a Tampa bar stall [2]. The complaints came from women waiting in a long line (to do what, we men don't know).

Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. A Chinese couple were dragged out of the men's restroom of a nightclub where they were purportedly engaging in "funny business [3]." According to the couple's account, the female had gone in there after receiving a text message from the guy that said he was sick and needed assistance.

Who the fuck knows. I may be old fashioned, but I've never been so horny or so drunk that I couldn't find a better venue for my passions than the nearest toilet. On the other hand, I don't think I'd report such an incident if I stumbled on one -- I'd invite a crowd in to cheer them on.