Michael Jackson? The bathroom? Big deal.

Sometimes our search for poop in the news is tough -- after all, poop doesn't make the news every day. Other times you can't turn around without finding fodder for the BM Newswire. Last week it was poor Bob Dougherty [1]; this week, unfortunately, it's Michael Jackson. A simple Google News search returns hundreds of headlines screaming that Michael Jackson was caught in the ladies' room [2]. In Dubai. Applying makeup.

Now, perhaps you care that Michael Jackson is in Dubai. I don't. Perhaps you care that he applies makeup. I don't. Perhaps you care that he is more comfortable in the ladies' room. I don't. Because the mainstream media has a very limited appetite for stories about poop; and right now Michael Jackson is monopolizing any attention they might give to this important subject.

Thanks to the King of Po(o)p, here are some of the stories you won't be hearing about: Nagpur, India, wants to strip citizens without toilets of their voting rights [3]. Bird flu might be spreading because farmers are dumping chicken feces into rivers for fish to eat [4]. A woman is in critical condition after a bathroom fire [5]. The rage in Spain is black toilet paper [6]. And Angel Soft Toilet Paper had a short essay contest [7]. I wish we had known about that last one... one of us could have surely won.

So big sarcastic thanks to Michael Jackson -- and the lesbian cheerleaders before him [8] -- for ensuring that poop reporting in the mainstream media remains as vapid as ever.