Most days, as part of my job here on PoopReport, I do a Google News search on the word "toilet." This is basically like dragging a net along the bottom of a polluted river to see what you snag.

I'm on the lookout for humor, mostly. And Dave sometimes takes me to task for colluding with the mainstream media in trivializing poop and thereby perpetuating the idea that shit is something to keep at arm's length. As every male knows, laughing at something is the safest way to maintain distance, because it seems to show that you are comfortable with the object of derision -- comfortable enough to bring it up in conversation without getting flustered.

But today I couldn't escape the seriousness of the subject of shit. When I did my search, these three stories topped the list:

Toilet Day turns focus on a killer. [1] Saturday is World Toilet Day, and members of Edinburgh's WaterAid group are using the occasion to remind us that four children die every minute because of diarrhea caused by poor sanitary conditions.

E.coli outbreak ends toilet paper ban. [2] A public school in South Wales had banned the use of toilet paper at the school because some students were apparently throwing it around and making messes. The ban led to an outbreak in the school of E.coli, which, of course, can cause death. The ban was lifted as a result.

Man charged with murder in toilet training death [3]. Kaian Brandon of Hayward, California, was helping to toilet train the three-year-old daughter of his fiancée. How did he help? When the girl soiled herself on the way to the bathroom, Mr. Brandon took action. His action resulted in several broken ribs, a lacerated liver, extensive stomach injuries, and death.

No laughs today.