Start with whatever number from 1 to 10 represents your average crap. (10 is best. Unless you're really lucky, your average crap is probably not a 10.)

Add 1 point if:

There is no pain in passing the turd.

It flushes okay.

There is no excessive wiping required.

Add 2 points if:

It gives you a toilet orgasm.

It requires no wiping required whatsoever.

You get poophoria afterward.

It was a successful crap after you'd been stopped up.

You feel completely empty afterwards (in a good way).

Subtract 1 point if:

The turd takes more than ten seconds to come out.

It burns at all.

They are rabbit pellets.

It clogs the toilet at your house.

Subtract 2 points if:

You feel nauseous during the crap.

It is ass magma.

It clogs the toilet at someone elses house.

You have to resort to power positions or stand/sit crapping.

Subtract 5 points if:

You discover there is no toilet paper.

You have to result to manual disimpaction.

You get a hemorrhoid afterward.

PoopReporters: help us refine this scale.