I am a nurse in an ER. The hospital I was at had contracts with two prisons and two jails. I got to be friends with a number of the deputies and corrections officers. One evening I was walking past the medical area of the ER on my way to a supply room. I was assigned to the trauma area, and needed IV supplies. A deputy friend of mine in the medical area grabbed me and said his prisoner needed something. The nurse down there was busy, so I stopped to help.

The guy was handcuffed by only one arm and had two deputies with him. That implied he was a felony/nonviolent. He was yelling for a bedpan. I knew nothing about him, but I couldn't think of a reason not to give him one. Like I said, the nurse for his area is busy. So I gave him the pan and went to the supply room. As I was walking back, I thought to myself that it'd be nice of me to help this other nurse out and dump this guy's pan.

Again, I knew NOTHING about the patient. Before I pulled the curtain open, I should've asked why he was there. I should've done something, anything that would have kept me from staying up nights, screaming in my sleep, being totally grossed out for the next ten years...

The fellow in question had been arrested for possession with intent to distribute. Before the po-po could secure him properly, however, he managed to swallow several vials of crack cocaine. One managed to break open in his duodenum -- the first ten inches of the small intestine. An important piece of property. When it broke, it cut him up.

We gave him (I say we, but I didn't know, or else this wouldn't have been a story) some activated charcoal to help bind to the cocaine. We didn't want his blood to absorb it. It makes one heck of a mess coming out. Really, really messy.

Any of the serious poopers and novice nurses out there will back me up when I say that the second-worst smell in the world is a rip-roaring gastrointestinal bleed.

Now, when I pulled back the curtain, I was not prepared. I've seen some vile things in my life, but for this I was totally unprepared. Only time I ever puked.

Homeboy was fishing the crack vials out of the bloody, poopy, charcoal-ly bedpan -- and eating them. And he had blood, poo, and charcoal all over his fingers and lips. Besides the overwhelmingly graphic scene I was watching, there was the fresh, active GI bleed smell permeating the whole unit.

I turned my head and puked in the garbage can in less than one second. The two deputies behind me started puking in the sink. The patient next to the prisoner started puking over her rail. It was terrible.

I have wanted some things pretty badly in my life. I would kill for that new Craftsman table saw. And a new computer. I'd really like a new house. But I've never ever wanted anything badly enough to eat out of the bedpan for it.

The nurses at the floor he was sent to next had to screen his bedpan -- using a literal screen -- until all the vials were accounted for.