According to the Rev. Rick Oliver, the church's pastor, the idea sounded like a good one after he learned that the scheme worked for a baseball team in similar need of money. One can almost hear the wheels of inspiration turning as the good pastor reasoned that all people -- the saved and the sinners alike -- must poop, and so must wipe. Who could resist the appeal of giving to a worthy cause while keeping one's butt free from the sins of stink-ass and fecal crust?

Thus the church is selling a toilet paper brand appropriately called Angel Soft, by the roll or by the case. "The rolls are larger than the standard, with 450 sheets per roll, and it's two-ply," Oliver said. God bless him.