Everyone knows that women do not shit or fart. They do little pink powderpuffs out of their rear-ends, along with delicate, fleecy clouds of perfumed air that fly out like angels on wings--accompanied by harp music.
God I wish. It'd make life so much easier, and I'd have a large collection of pink powderpuffs by now.
I said not in public but around my S.O. Once in a while I will fart in public, but not so much that I would describe myself as a public farter.
At a party the other night, I went and stood beside my sis-in-law, farted and then blamed her. I would have gotten away with it if I wasn't giggling so hard. This was in front of a bunch of people I had just been introduced to. I don't know what made me do it. Beer, maybe? Probably.
A cute little fart game I play is I'll let one go in the car and blame one of the kids, who then blames the other one. Joke's on them - they never try to blame me!! HAHA - Mom's rule!! However, I would not do that with my hubby around. Just can't bring myself to do it.
I voted for the last choice.
Sure I know women shit and fart but I don't want to see, hear or smell it. Actually I don't want to see, smell or hear anyone's shit/farts but my own.
I enjoy stinking up a place and want it to gross others out...what's the point of blasting some nasty ass if people like it?
When I was growing up my mother used to blast some hellacious farts, partly due to gall bladder problems. She'd excuse herself, apologize profusely but there was always a little glint in her eye. She'd been a nurse so she'd seen and heard it all and never castigated us for a natural function, (farting in my little sisters face when pinned down was another matter).
From the very beginning I understood women are truly equal in all respects, to believe otherwise would be folly, as stupid as thinking women are more desirable if they have a gaunt hollow Euro model look that advertisers capitalize on to sell junk to perpetuate these fallacies and enrich themselves off the guilt they are selling.
I have no problems with women taking a dump or letting a fart go, it's kinda cute that they feel comfortable enough to be themselves around you.
I know someone will bring up my Regret story so I'll say now there were a lot of things that were wrong with that relationship before she crapped her pants and for the sake of the story I didn't feel they had a place.
Ladies, free yourself from these morons who want you to act like those vapid characters you see in the media, be yourself, you'll be surprised at the number of men who will still hold the door for you...especially the bathroom door.
To reiterate Bunga's excellent points, the men who encourage farting and shitting now outnumber those who don't 7-4. Not a lot of people but a statistically wide margin.
This poll may be fodder for a future Poopreport. I'm dedicating myself to the cause of liberating women everywhere to be able to pass gas and bust ass whenever they want.
AB2K: You can't count my vote as one of the four. I was, of course, joshing.
Di: I know why you farted that way. It's because you have been on PR for three and a half years.
When DH and I were first married, one day I wandered into another room to fart. He walked through a few minutes later, and asked, "Man! What IS that? OMG!" And he proceeded to look down the sink, under the couch, etc...presumably looking for the decomposing rot giving off the smell, and he kept complaining the whole while, and he just wouldn't leave it alone. I FINALLY had to say, "Geez, it was me! Get a clue. I WENT into the other room. It would be polite to just ignore it. Have you NO manners? Why harp on it?" He apologized, but I'm still scarred.
Some women don't fart, but often are near dogs that do!
Let er rip! If a guy (or girl) has a problem with me having the audacity to fart or shit he/she can go fap off!
I would have chosen farting as being OK, but not pooping. Of course, if you are in the bathtub and she has to desecrate the bowl, that's fine. I just don't see any reason to put yourself in that situation on purpose. For the record, Mary Mary's farts smell like roses. Mine smell like rotting carcasses.
SamDamnit! Rectum Rector of The Church of Poop http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean
This is my first post so I am a coward, but I just have to know... Is it really illegal to fart in an elevator?
BTW I voted for #1 although I technically wouldnt shit anywhere, but any designated place would do... although I have shit in the woods and beind the barn a time or 2.
A country girl~
Farting in a crowded elevator is perfectly legal and usually scores the most points.
I feel that when women fart around guys, it's a sign of closeness and compatibility. I mean, if ya can't fart amongst the one you love, who can ya fart in front of.
I do not want to hear my new girlfriend fart or smell her poo, although it may be ok. ....no, i am wrong, that's not ok, that's kinda bad.
Have a Crappy Day!! Poop Shooter!
I voted for #1 because I will poop and fart where I "need" to. If I'm going to be home soon and can afford to hold in the poop, I will. If I'm in public and need to fart, I'll step to a less crowded area.
I can poop/fart in the presence of my husband. The one thing I can't do is let him watch me wipe. I just can't get myself to let him see that, so, if he's in the room, I make him turn around.
As some of you know, I went from one extreme to the other. The former Mrs. Dumpster could turn a bathroom into an EPA Superfund site quicker than you could say "doniker"; whereas my current Significant Other, Miss Hermione, is very much in the pink powderpuff category. Surely there is a happy medium.
I don't like it, but if I aspire to be shameless, my mate should feel free to be shameless as well.
This is a bitter pill.
Necessary, but bitter.
Ummm are there not any GAY poopReporters, I don't like the heterosexism of this quiz a term like "partner" or something a little more sexually neutral to include any kind of relationship...
There are gay poopreporters on this site, and at least one has voted on this poll. I was not intending to be discriminatory, but the issue of women farting/shitting in front of men has been brought up several times on this site lately, and I thought I would make the poll about that. You will notice on the women's side I did specify "significant other" leaving lesbians the option to vote if they care. Since the poll is about women and their significant others, gay men are not unwelcome to vote on the poll but it is more about men's responses to their women shitting and farting. However, it would be interesting to note what gays think about their partner shitting in front of them. Anyone care to weigh in?
Neither my partner nor I have any problem sharing all aspects of the bathroom. We regularly converse in there as we do in other rooms of the house. Frequently, one of us is shaving while the other is on the pot. We consider it a part of life, and no big whoop.
P.S. AB2K, the originator of this poll, is a very understanding and enlightened person regarding the entire subject of human sexuality. I would say that the overwhelming majority of PR posters are heterosexual, and the poll was reflecting a popular issue with them.
Trevor, TBW emailed me shortly before he officially "came out" on this site and asked me how I thought people would take it. I told him not to worry; most of us hetero guys have some lesbian tendencies ourselves. However, I just got back from sharing a three-bathroom ski condo in Park City with five girls from my high school class (of 1975). Actually, it was more like a 2.1 bathroom condo, as one of them was out of order as far as solid waste was concerned. (I'm referring to one of the bathrooms; as far as the girls themselves, I'm trying to get my diary of this trip transcribed for posting on the forums.)
Anyway, my point is that spending that much time in such close quarters with that many middle-aged women would make anyone question his sexual orientation, and it gave me a very different perspective on how to answer this poll!
How is it the subject of gay equality must come up even in a shit poll? Is there no sacred place a person can go without hearing a gay foul cry?
At least the Big Wiper didn't get his panties all in a bunch!
a country girl~
There was no "hold it at any cost til you can dump in complete stealth" option so I went with the third.
There seems to be an idea that über-Shameful women like me are that way because we feel our partners would stop liking us, think we're disgusting, et cetera if they saw/heard/smelled us poop. I think in some cases (as in mine) the male would think no less of the shameful female (and in some cases she knows it) for pooping, but we ourselves on some level think it's gross, even if we also think it's funny as hell. And we don't want to be caught doing something that we perceive as disgusting. In short, the Shamefulness is sometimes a result of our own warped attitudes and not those of our partners.
Not to sound egotistical, but AB2K, with whom this debate originated, did have a particularly scornful and vitriolic response to a story I posted recently which illustrates the extent of my shamefulness, and I do have to wonder humbly if that story set off this debate.
PZ, I'm enjoying wasting my morning chasing you all over this web site, but I really cannot agree at all with your statement above that "AB2K, with whom this debate originated, did have a particularly scornful and vitriolic response to a story I posted recently which illustrates the extent of my shamefulness...." First, here is what AB2K said, in response to your story entitled The Secret Battle: "Holy crap. The contents of this story were funny as shit but I am left without a single nice word to say about the reason for it. Been with your boyfriend three years and you have to take diet pills so he won't see you shit? While I can attest to the fact that twelve-hour night shifts fuck you up in every way possible, I can't see altering my diet so that my significant other won't see me shit.
"I think I've been with Mr. Blaster too long and am therefore out of touch, but girl, you need to let that man see you shit and fart NOW. Ever heard of women's lib? You need to do women's shit lib. Why should you hold it in for him? Does he hold it in for you? I bet not! Let 'em rip. He probably will never hear it over the surround system. Men with sweet electronics don't pay attention too much else."
This was neither "scornful" nor "vitriolic," but rather an encouraging and much-needed wake-up call to you to get your head out of your ass! Furthermore, if you hang around here long, you will find that AB2K hasn't got a mean bone in her body, but is the gracious hostess of PR, lending it that kinder, gentler touch which hyper-intellectuals like Dave and Bill Gates so often seem to lack.
I would seriously recommend that you find somebody else to pick on besides AB2K. Why not devote your energies to telling us what was the small step towards shamelessness at work which you alluded to elsewhere?
Dear, a country girl: I published your comment above about 'gay equality' to illustrate several points.
First of all, Poop Report is not a sanctuary for people who want to impose their religious beliefs on others. It is a clearinghouse for those who want to discuss the equalizing effects of going to the bathroom. The humorous and intellectual fallout from such discussions is designed to bring people together, not emphasize their legitimate differences.
Secondly, the poster who interjected the gender question in this poll was answered respectfully and thoughtfully by the originator of the poll--AB2K. To the extent that the poster seemed a bit contentious, she went the extra mile and expanded the focus of the poll with her comments in a non-judgmental way.
Thirdly, I do not wear panties. I wear boxers.
PR is not a church pulpit. If you come here, don't expect your particular denominational views to be reflected or supported. In general, religion and politics are dividers.
Poop is the great equalizer.
Big Wiper:
Sure sounds like I just heard a sermon from the poopy pulpit.
Maybe you should change your name to Poop Preacher.
But thank you for not censoring my post. You know theres something very wrong when a person gets censored on a web-site focused on fecal matter.
Oh and BTW... I know many gay people who are very religious, so what really is your point?
Mine was... stick to the shit subject and we will all be truely one!
That's right TBW, boxers are where it's at. And I agree with you. There are plenty of sites on the internet where people can go look for something to be offended at and get their daily dose of pissed-off-ness. This doesn't need to be another one.
Don't hate da playa, hate da game, yo.
The tenets of Poop Report are not a religion, country girl. I was stating them as a reminder. And just as your comments were not censored, so Trevor's comments were not. Often threads evolve and veer into tangents.
Other than that, you appeared to be quite threatened by Trevor's comments. Compare your response to AB2K's. It appears to me that your view of 'all being truly one' does not include same-sex oriented people.
Can't let that pass without saying, "We do belong. We are your neighbors. We are everywhere. Always have been. Always will be."
I can't shake the vision of TBW in panties.
Bravo, TBW. Dumpster, I definitely do not enjoy being chased about PR and criticized, but for the record I was not "picking on" AB2K. Her scorn for Shamefulness is well-documented and, in my case, given the extremes to which I take it, probably well-deserved.
Further, this poll is an excellent way to demonstrate to shameful women that we are, in the main, being ridiculous. If our SOs find out that we shit, they are not going to projectile vomit and pack their things, or whatever it is we think they would do. Chances are, they won't notice or care. So while there is no need to immediately dump with the door open, the point is, we Shamefuls could stand to relax a little, which is easier said than done.
Dumpster, you are spending way too much time with the Victoria's Secret catalog!
PZ, you have to understand that this web site is the ONLY place I can safely chase a 21 year old girl around, and, as you are an excellent new PoopReporter (in addition to being way young enough to be my daughter), my "criticisms" of you are well intentioned, and I thank you for taking them that way.
TBW, I have regrettably reached that point in fatherhood where I have to get home before Little Dumpster does so that I can hide the Victoria's Secret catalog from him. As a primer on female anatomy, though, it beats heck out of the Sears Catalogs that you and I grew up with, doesn't it?
Threatened? Not at all Offended? Pleeeease this is a site about shit. Tired of cry-babies? Definately!
BTW TBW... you are the one that seems threatened by religion. I never mentioned it in my original post. Just making an observation on how some people groups take a subject, any subject even a shit/fart survey, and attempt to make it a platform in which to push their special agenda down everyone elses throats... which BTW is the beginning of a very stinky movement.
Yes indeed I came here to engage in shitty stories, not to be lectured about inclusiveness.
I for one Vote for the Solidarity Shit Movement and to leave the rest of the steamy stories for the Liberal AND Conservative medias to spin.
Stirring the pot!
Well, Country Girl, why don't you join us instead of posting anonymously? You sound like a political conservative at heart, and, goodness knows, C. Everett Poop and I can use all the help we can get!
I can't be homophobic. I don't think most people who are gay choose to be that way, and it is certainly not a lifestyle I have ever heard anyone wish for their own child, but I simply know too many classy people like TBW to generalize about a whole group.
You are right; we should focus on this site on the things that unite, such as #1, #2, and even #3, and not on the things that divide, such as religion and politics. However, poop is such an integral part of everything else we do and are, that it is hard to compartmentalize sometimes.
Anyway, come on and join PR, and give us your best (or worst) poop story! This is a big tent!
When you make non-inclusive comments, you can expect that certain people will react to them accordingly. There is very little censorship on this site. So get used to a wide variety of opinions not exclusively focused on poop.
That's the genius of Poop Report, and it's definitely not a place for hide-bound traditionalists.
As for my views on religion: I consider myself a highly-spiritual person, but to overlook the fact that the Religious Right has declared war on same-sex oriented people would be folly on my part.
It's an ongoing battle I willingly undertake when I encounter misinformation on the subject. So get used to it.
I don't get the big hullaballoo over sexual orientation either way. Why does anyone care who someone else chooses to sleep with/form relationships with? What the hell does it matter? This completely farcical notion that gay marriage threatens straight couples is especially preposterous. It's not as if straight couples have set forth a shining example of marital values. The very idea of anyone getting all high and mighty and trying to tell another person what's right and wrong for everyone just infuriates me for some reason. But back to the topic at hand. TBW's description of his and his partners' comfort with bathroom activities intrigues me. Are there any women reading PR who feel this comfortable with their SOs? Is Shamefulness primarily a female trait?
Country Girl What exactly is the gay poop agenda?
TBW Does wearing panties make me gay?
TBW:
The root of gay contention over the marriage controversy stems not from my views or the religious right's, it stems from the Word of God. The RR are just the mouthpiece of such. For such a "highly spiritual" man on a mission to "wipe out" a "injustice" rooted in God's Word I am suprised you have not yet discerned this.
Ephesians 5:31 - "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."
This and many other bibilical passages are what marriage is based on.
And of course the PR is not a place for traditionalist to express views... not with The Big Wiper standing guard over it with a bottle of Citrate of Magnesium in one hand and an enema bag in the other... ready to fight the big poop fight!
Now I think I understand why you have taken the name The Big Wiper.
Just to set it straight or er a, make it clear.
I am not a homophobe. I love all people. Even those who hate me for my beliefs.
BUTT we all make mistakes dare I say it, SIN.
The problem I have with many is that they staunchly refuse to admit it and rationalize to fit their needs.
Yes I am far from perfect. Yes I am a sinner saved by grace. I would probably be chastised by my Church going friends for even being here talking about shit!
Mock me, Banish me, Sneer at me if you must.
The Truth in His Love always Wins...and Farts ARE Funny!
Without getting into the theology of it, which is out of place here, let me just say that I am not interested in ANYONE else's sex life unless I propose to become involved in it myself. Needless to say, this results in an extremely limited field.
Well, I suppose that the humorous angles of some people's bedroom exploits are worth delving into, since all bodily functions are somewhat related. But as to the propriety of others' domestic arrangements, I will share my views if asked, but I am not out to impose them on others, and certainly not on this site, where discussions on axiology, soteriology, etc. are about as out of place as going to Kroger for brain surgery. After all, I am divorced, and, even though I was the innocent party, that makes me an outcast in some people's eyes.
"Let he who is without sin among you..." go back and be a little bit more honest with himself.
I absolutely HATE it when threads get derailed so badly. The question here as I see it is why can't women be comfortable with a natural body function. If she was shopping for instance and had to use a public lavatory (or works) shouldn't she be allowed to release a big fat jobbie which makes a loud "Kersplosh" sound as it falls into the pan? I say yes.
Also, in light of SamDamnit's most recent revelation I believe it is every Poopreporters responsibilty to visit the forums and see exactly what sort of leader he is, I publicly called for his impeachment and hope the rest of you agree and support me in my quest to find a unifier, not a divider, to lead us.
Dumpster, you said "After all, I am divorced, and, even though I was the innocent party" and further said "Let he who is without sin among you...". So you were innocent as judged by whom....who should not be judging.....hmmmmmm, let me just state from my own sordid past, there is no such thing as an innocent party in any relationship, we are all fallible, we make mistakes.
Peoples sexuality on this site has become a contentious issue for some, I for instance have been getting NO SEX of late, and after the most recent letdown by SamDamnit's bevy of busty babes I'm getting even more contentiouser, and this really affects the quality of my posts. So if you ladies want quality posts from yours truly your gonna have to give up some lovin for Old Bunga, by the way, I don't care if you smell up my washroom, just make sure you don't use the guest soaps.
Bunga, if you're not with the one you love, love the one you're with.
I have been asked to investigate certain illegalities in the Dammit Administration, perhaps leading to Articles of Impeachment. But we need a blue dress. Any volunteers?
I would like to state for the record, that I did not touch that man! The photos of me lifting up my blue dress, to expose my panties, was just a tongue in cheek tribute to the great J. Edgar Hoover. I am not gay....... not that there is any thing wrong with that. I do however believe that we need a law that keeps shameful shitters from marrying the shameless. As it says in the Excretiastes 2
"Woe on to the shameless that besmirch the shameful. Let not the two reside together under one roof."
SamDamnit! President and Commander and Chiefof Poopreportia http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean
All I have to say is damn, here I am sleeping until 1 in the afternoon (went to bed at 4:30 am) whilst controversy is a-brewin' on the Poopreport. All that I could say has been said already; thanks TBW and Dumpster, you guys rule.
PZ, I owe you a quick apology for sounding vitriolic, but the truth is, as I did say in that post, that I've been with the same man so long that I've forgotten what it's like to worry what a romantic interest thinks of you, including your shit stink, and it's not so much as I think badly of you but I just don't understand the motivation, and yes, this poll did take some of its inspiration from your story. I guess I'm just a shit feminist. I want all women to be liberated.
All hail president SamDamnit! Down with the turd terrorists!
Well-said, AB2K!
Poo Zombie, about your question to me: I think one of the reasons that my partner and I feel so comfortable with each other in the bathroom is that we are both men. Our anatomy is the same.
To some extent, when men and women cohabitate, they must adjust to the realities that different anatomies create in regards to bathroom habits. Let's face it. Men and women do go to the bathroom differently at least part of the time. Expectations of privacy may also be different for women and men. I debuted on this site detailing my experiences using open stalls and having diminished expectations of privacy. Women may grow up with greater expectations in some cases. These things then get reconciled during marriage, etc.
I hope this answers your question, Poo Zombie.
There is a sort of dichotemy with women and bathrooms. Their facilities generally offer more privacy, yet they seem to enjoy using them at the same time, more than men do. This is evidenced by their behavior at night clubs and restaraunts.
I think it's so we can keep on talking. I don't usually "invite" other females to accompany me to the bathroom unless I have to bitch about the company being left out of the bathroom (ie. usually my husband).
ATTENTION ALL POOP REPORTERS:
Have you seen this at the bottom of SamDamnit's recent posts?
"SamDamnit! President and Commander and Chief of Poopreportia http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean"
I am afraid our good friend Sam has become drunk with power. He took a questionable election plurality, secured only by the connivance of well-placed cronies in positions of high authority, and has begun governing as though he has an overwhelming mandate. Furthermore, unlike Bill Clinton, who signaled right and turned left, Sam signaled left but has turned right. All that we in the world of Poop hold dear is in peril. I heard that he has broken diplomatic relations with The Cameltoe Report, and that he is considering preemptive action against RateMyPoo.com.
For more on this breaking controversy, see "A PoopReporter for President" on the forums.
Remember the words of the great Lord Acton, "power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely." The time to act is now, while some vestiges of freedom still remain. PoopReporters of the world, unite! You have nothing to lose but your chains!
(Plus, I'll bet he looks awful in a blue dress and a pair of panties.)
I shit and fart in public, but I like to do it stealthily....like when I fart, I will casually move away so that nobody will suspect me. Or if I really have to shit in public, I will make sure that nobody knows that I am the perpetrator of ass-terrorism.
Shitting and farting is unaviodable, but it can become a really fun game of "see who you can blame for your smell."
Perhaps this is warped, but I would rather (and have done this, actually) go into a public bathroom and splatter out some greeny consti-poo with strangers in the room than let Gomez hear.
Ironically however, this morning after I finished up with PR and did my pre-bedtime shit-n-shower, I let out so many long and loud and bizarre-sounding farts that Gomez couldn't have NOT heard. He was awake through the whole thing. Mortifiying. I actually considered staying in the bathroom until I heard him snoring on the couch and then sneaking off to bed and hoping he wouldn't remember in the morning, but I decided to test the theory set forth in my previous post on this topic and come out and face the music.
Barely managing to keep a straight face, Gomez asked, "Everything come out all right?" which was probably his way of getting back at me for howling with laughter every time I hear him sputtering out a butthole symphony.
I could have died of shame, but nothing worse happened than that.
Thanks AB2K, for your kind words. Shit feminist, eh? You should make bumper stickers or something.
Poo Zombie: it actually sounds like Gomez is cool with your bodily functions. It appears the discomfort is all on your side. Glad you admire AB2K so much because she is indeed your role model.
I was just thinking how often my partner and I laugh when either of us farts--either on or off the pot. And chatting about mundane things while one of us is pooping just brings us that much closer, cementing the idea that no area of our lives is off-limits to the other.
I wish you well in your quest to feel more comfortable with this.
Well, this has to go down in PR history as the most mixed-up thread ever. We've discussed male/female intimacy; male/male intimacy; secular vs. Scriptural views of homosexuality; a political coup d'etat by a formerly mild-mannered PoopReporter (foiled, predictably, by a sex scandal); a savage attack on our most beloved member, AB2K (which happily ended in a group hug); the Philosophy of PR; panties; boxers; Victoria's Secret; the Addams Family; censorship; and Dumpster's divorce (no, Bunga, I was not perfect, but I wasn't the one who had an affair, either).
The most interesting off-post thread, however, deals with Bunga's sex life, or the lack thereof. Yesterday, Bunga wrote: "I for instance have been getting NO SEX of late, and after the most recent letdown by SamDamnit's bevy of busty babes I'm getting even more contentiouser, and this really affects the quality of my posts. So if you ladies want quality posts from yours truly your gonna have to give up some lovin for Old Bunga, by the way, I don't care if you smell up my washroom, just make sure you don't use the guest soaps.
Bunga groupies everywhere: Your duty is clear! Give it up for the site, so that we can have some more quality Bunga material.
And I, for one, enjoy derailed threads. You never know what you might learn.
Poop zombie, that sounds like some hellacious progress for you. I think we all should stand up and applaud!!!
I hope to never hear about bible quotes on this site again, except for Samdamnits bible verses (cute Sam)
In regards to all the other off-topic crap that came up in this thread, I give high praise to all the regulars here who keep things straight (AB2K, TBW, Sam, Bunga, TD, and everyone else I forgot)
I keep coming here because of all the good crap, not all the -phobes of one type or another.
Did I mention my turds don't flush very easily. They can even be quite obstinate at times. Even after repeated flushings I quite often have to go fetch a stick out in the barn yard to break it up to make them go away!!!!
I think it may be some kind of personality trait so don't hold yer breath on getting rid of me anytime soon.
Country girl, if you plan to stick around PR for a while, why don't you click the "register" link up at the top left of the page? That way you can start collecting userpoints and people will know who you are.
Thanks, everyone, for your encouragement. It feels nice to not have to carry out a dump with all the stealth of a military spying operation.
Also, TBW, you make a great point about (though it may sound ridiculous) openness with bodily functions making you feel more comfortable with your SO. Laughing at each other's farts gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling inside. Hope that didn't come out wrong...
I've always been able to laugh at Gomez's bodily functions- or more accurately, I've never been able to keep from laughing. Cause it's funny! Shitting and farting is both normal and funny, damn it! Why have I wasted these years being neurotic?! I feel like a new era of freedom has begun. In the bathroom, anyway.
So are you up at 5 a.m. on Saturday taking a dump before Gomez awakes?
Dumpster, I don't know what time it is where you live, but right now it's 3:49 am here and you got offline awhile ago. I live on the West Coast. We sleep during the day and are awake at night. I've had my morning (around 7 pm for me) dump, thank you. All of which begs the question, what the hell are you doing up at ass o'clock in the morning anyway?
I live on the east coast. I have IBS. Any more questions?
Lat night, I talked Mary Mary in to eating some french fries and a fajita pita instead of her usual sprouts and nuts. This morning, she dropped a bomb that made the dog squeal and cost me a whole book of matches. The honeymoon is over. Her farts no longer smell like roses. For once, I am not inclined to sniff those panties.
SamDamnit! President in Exile of Poopreportia http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean
Ah, love! You should smell Gilbert's bombs!
Sam, the past few days have been rough for you, haven't they?
Oh, it's true love, Dumpster! Nothing rough about it... Well, maybe in the bedroom. I stand as I type this.
TSV, baby, I know you're going through these things in a hurry, but I was talking to Sam, not you, this time!
I remember vividly the day my mother farted. We were all sitting around the dinner table and she was walking from the refrigerator back to the table when she let it slip. My guess was she left so she could fart and it made just a little too much noise. Never before and never again.
I'm a strong believer in shameless shitting for all sexes. But my 5-year-old daughter is already closing the door behind her. _______www.mydailypoop.com
Little Dumpster and I have farting and burping contests. This is one advantage to living in a house with no women. He has figured out a way to get his diaphragm under his burps, so that, even at age 10, they sound like those of Big Butch McCavity:
(uuuuUUUUUUURRRRRRRREEEEEEEKKKKAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH)
I still have a slight edge on farts, as far as smell, but LD is rapidly pulling ahead in the noise category:
(TTTTPPPPPPPPWWWWWWWWWFFFFFFFFpopopofuuuuuuuu)
Come visit us anytime! We'll have a big pot of baked beans ready!
"Come visit us anytime! We'll have a big pot of baked beans ready!"
I would love to take you up on that offer, Dumpster, because it sounds like Little Dumpster needs to learn that women DO fart and burp before it is too late, and he grows up to be the next Hairy Noise (the guy who originally uttered the line "Women shit pretty pink powderpuffs" that TBW refers to in his first comment on this thread.)
I would also love for you and Mr. Blaster to come see us, AB2K, but how would I explain to Little Dumpster what all those "other" noises coming from the guest room were?
I can just see it now: You come to see me, and Sunday morning in Sunday School, the teacher asks LD's class, "now, children, when we die, which part of us goes to heaven first?"
"Our hands," little Rose will say, "because we fold them when we pray to Jesus."
"Our hearts," little Helen will answer, "because that's what we love Jesus with."
No, no; you're both wrong," LD will announce: "It is our feet."
"Our feet? Whyever do you say that, Little Dumpster?"
"Because my Daddy had the Blasters over this weekend, and last night when I was passing the guest room door, Mrs. Blaster was lying in the bed on her back with her feet in the air, screaming, 'Oh, Jesus; I'm coming! I'm coming!' And if Mrs. Blaster hadn't been lying on top of her, she'd have gone right then!"
Dumpster, Yes. The last few day's have been rough. Mary Mary has a new found affinity for french fries. Also, we have been researching story that I am working on. It involves looking at some pretty gross toilets. One good thing did happen though. My friend Dustin sent me a padded Spider Man toilet seat. Mary Mary loves the padding and I love Spider Man. I took a picture of it. I'll post it in the forums or see if Dave will put it in his poop round up. _______SamDamnit! President in Exile of Poopreportia http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean
Maybe Mary Mary should offer to keep DukeyHouser's baby.
Dumpster: hahahahahaha! I would not like to corrupt your son in that manner, hilarious as it may be. However, you wouldn't want him growing up with the ill-conceived notion that women don't fart, burp, or shit, now, would you?
AB2K, as you have no children, I will forgive you for your lack of knowledge about what goes on on the playground with 4th and 5th graders these days. The little girls vie with the boys to see who can rip off the worst ones. There is a girl in LD's class who sounds like she might be in the running to be AssBlaster2006!
That is truly awesome. My hope for shitting equality is renewed.
Good. Now go write your Mad Lib V!
AB2K's "Mad Lib V" is now up! (See link above.) It is THE masterpiece of the genre. Get there NOW!!
Great poll, when will the sexes ever become equal????
Back on 02.09.2006, I posted a comment in response to Bunga's plaintive plea about his case of Lakanookie (that dreaded Hawaiian disease). Subsequently, a remedy was devised. See "Attention Bunga Groupies--Your Help Is Needed!!" over on the forums.
Bunga, do you feel better now?
I'm a woman and I voted for the first option. I am definitely on the Shameful side of the continuum but having had IBS my whole life I have resigned myself to shitting in public bathrooms, and letting go of some farts in public (though I always try to do it silently, and will go to the bathroom if I'm having problems and they smell).
I don't understand why some men who love to stink up the place like to remain blissfully ignorant to the fact that their lovers can do it as well.
I used to apologize around my partner if he ever heard me in the bathroom after a Mac Attack but he would always say "Why are you apologizing"? His logic is that there is no reason to be ashamed of or apologize for a natural human function.
Dumpster, that comment utterly cracked me up because whenever Mr. Blaster or I have a non-serious problem, he always says, "It's just Lackanookie." I have never heard anyone else besides him use that term.
Its symptoms are similar to that awful Alaskan disease, "Noasitol." May you never suffer from neither, my dear!
I read this a day after the fact and I'm amazed at all the twists and turns this thread has taken. Wow. Just, wow.
I mentioned earlier that my shamefulness kicks in when I'm wiping. I simply cannot let my husband watch me wipe. Recently, however, he's been playing a game of "catch Fart Poopie in the act." He'll open the door or walk by just when he thinks I'm going to wipe. When I tell him to turn around he says, "why? it's cute!"
Does anyone else find anything at all cute about a woman wiping crap off her ass? Maybe it should be the next poll.
I'm in the same roos as my spouse all the time, but I draw the line at watching her wipe and likewise for me shitting. Sitting on the shitter is one thing, but I don't want to see it.
It amazes me that in my house of 4 people, I am the only one that can wield a damn plunger!
_______Regional POWER POOPING CHAMPION 1988-2006 Poop Shooter!
I personally love to sneaky snake fart. You know, when you're in a crowded public place and some anally-retentive looking person is around. Yup, sneaking up behind those types and letting one rip and immediately ducking away with an innocent look is the best, leaving "Lil' Ms/Mr My Shit Doesn't Stink" holding the fartbag, as it were... The most fun!
_______May you always find a roll with paper
Great comment TBW. I voted for fourth choice, however there are exceptions to this. No matter what sex you are, you can't hold in all of your gas. Sometimes my significant other has to go to the bathroom in front of me, I am ok with it, and I give her what privacy I can. _______ Jammin' lo'flo's since 1977.
Farts and shits don't bother me with anyone. You gotta do what you have to! _______Damnit, someone stole my signature!
Any man that has a problem with a female bodily functions is: 1) a sexist who wants his "women" to be a barbie doll. (chances are he is really insecure, typical and ignorant as well) 2) He is a Homo sexual and prefers male bodily functions. (for the records I am not saying anything negative towards a persons sexual preferance) 3) He is very rigid in his thoughts, lacks creativity and I would imagine has not had a lot of sex, I say this because having a lot of sex, your bound to be around women a lot ( if in fact he is straight) and "shit" happens. If a man has not shared a giggle about a fart with his partner. I do not think he has lived. He has not had the experiences!
I gotta admit... the thought of an attractive woman taking a crap turns me on. Kinda starnge, I know, but it's the truth. I'd like to peek, as long as I don't get "too" close.
i just have to say that if you want me to go down there i DO NOT want to imagine that you fart, it's not the same as them doing it for a man as the thing stands out away from the poop hole and is not literally half an inch away.so i go with the women do not fart theory and all their gasses somehow dissolve themselves internally!
This is my first post, and I am not a coward. I am, however, a big flaming queen. And, I will bust ass in front of anybody, anywhere (within reason). It's not just you hetero boys who feel pride in their stench. Us sissies take pride in clearing out a room too. Also, if there's a gay poop agenda, I never got the memo. But, as far as the poll goes, I have had hags (the gay equivalent to an opposite sex SO) who have felt completely comfortable dropping ass bombs in my presence, and I have had hags who would rather torch their Elton John records than float an air biscuit around anyone, me included. I, on the other hand, being the shameless queen that I am, feel that if someone is that offended by a perfectly innocuous fart once in a while, then they need to get off their high horse and live umongst us humans for a while. Farts are funny, and while I will shit in any public toilet, I still wouldn't be comfortable just popping a squat and dooking in front of the general public. If possible, I enjoy the dimly lit bathroom, cig in hand, ipod in ears, paperback on knees slow leisurly shit. But if the brown demon is knocking at the back door, I can pretty much shake his hand anywhere, with no regrets.
I have absolutely no attraction to anyone of any gender, so I have no significant other. However, if I did, I'd have to say that I'd try to control my bodily functions. Around my friends, however, it's a completely different story. _______...and they all lived crappily ever after!
I remember when I was dating my wife one day she was standing nude in front of me and she said to me"Hon, see if my ass cheeks ripple and she proceeded to rip ass right in front of me." I knew at that moment she was the gal for me. We got married separated and divorced within five years but it certainly wasnt from the crappin and fartin._______The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!
I think everyone of either gender should feel comfortable pooping in front of their S.O. The farting might be O.K. depending on when and where it was. Obviously, if it's farting that happened while pooping it's fine.
My ex-wife and I would do dooty with the door open and talk about the events of the day. It's not like we hadn't see each other naked before then...
_______You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....
I voted that it's fine for my S.O. to let fly anytime in my presence. Unfortunately, my wife didn't feel the same way: the only farts I ever heard from her were in bed, in the middle of the night when she was sound asleep. I used to kid her about it sometimes, like "damn, hon - you were in great form last night!" Never heard ONE, ever, during waking hours in nearly 27 years. Women are masters of either modulation or location - or both.
I'd certainly hope that any SO of mine would feel comfortable taking a poop or farting in front of me - as I would in front of them. Whether we agree with it or not, for a lot of people, there is a taboo around talking about poop or watching someone poop, and there is an intimacy involved in breaking through that taboo. I am sure this is the reason for the sexual feelings that some correspondents own up to on this.
I found Fart Poopie's attitude to wiping very interesting because I find it difficult to understand (FP - that's not criticising - I respect that it is how you feel). But I'd see the most intimate or private moment as the act of pooping itself. To me, wiping is - well, just wiping!! Is it something you can explain FP?
To answer your question, yes, I think I can see where your husband is coming from on this. If I found you cute, as I'm sure I would, I'd find the intimacy of sharing such moments cute too. Its not really about the 'crap on your ass' - I would not want to look at the TP!!! Does that make sense at all!?
A further thought FP! It may, of course, just be that you have a cute, lady-like way of doing it, or he likes the way you stick your butt out when you do it, who knows!! Ask him!!
I chose not to believe. This would change.... I am/was so in denial about the possibility that my girlfriend's body might produce the same malodorous material as myself. ( I have been known to disgust myself from time to time resulting in what I refer to as The Shithaus Blues).
Anyway, a couple pals were over drinking before a night out and my friend announces his plans to smash the toilet with his brand of brown residue. Knowing his ability to smash the porcelain quite severely, I warned him to use the air freshener before exiting. Well minutes pass and I had seen my girlfriend wander in after he exited the bathroom and thought nothing of it.
Minutes later, having business of my own to take care of, I entered, and much to my dismay the foul rot I was suddenly amidst was so unholy, no shirt fabric nor futile breath holding saved me from this unspeakable, unbearable, uncontainable contagion of epic proportions. I rushed through my affair and reached for the sink to wash my hands and simply could not bear it any longer. I not only dry heaved twice, but vomited twice into the sink... and I could barely escape the room without gagging again. ( I had to spare a hand away from my nose and mouth region to reach for the door handle and light switch) Needless to say, I spent the remainder of the night horrified by my encounter with what could be considered the devil incarnate. It was not until later was I able to put two and two together.
A day or so passed, my girlfriend were alone in the house and I entered the bathroom again to the same utterly formidable stench of decay as before and much to my chagrin realized who was playing host to this diabolical iniquity of the intestines. It was only then that I was able to truly grasp my denial and previous inability to come to grips with the fact that she is in fact able to produce stinky poopy and yucky butt breath.
I stand corrected and am not happy about it.
Girls BLAST AWAY it will only make me love you more!_______The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!
Thunderous - you are right!! And if, like in the post above yours, she makes a huge stink in the process - even better!! Then I wouldn't feel as guilty when I do it.
hi there i have 2 children who both poo so i deal with shit A LOT OF SHIT!!!!!! this site is right up my street, or shit street so to speak!! share and share alike when it come down to poo, i quite often chat to my hubby on the loo when he is in the shower and vice versa. no probs and we are 100% happy with it. try it, you never know what interesting converstion you will get into when sat on the throne.!!!
...brings new meaning to a shit conversation, now doesn't it.
I find it hard to accept the fact that hot looking women, euro supermodels take dumps and fart!
I'm in full agreement with the post above. I hate it when the shit hits the fan.
No, European super models don't shit. They're too stupid to figure out how to operate their assholes. _______Beware the shitticane. Election, 2008.
I was just looking for the opportunity to make my final post on PR. When I read the post above this, I knew I'd found it. Goodbye all.
I had no idea Hamster was an over-sensitive European super model. I should have asked for an autographed head shot. Or maybe just take the head shot when I had the chance....
Hamster, my post was in response to the anonymous coward who refuses to believe hot european supermodels shit.
I'm not quite understanding your response. _______Beware the shitticane. Election, 2008.
TSV - apart from the fact that I was, admittedly, pissed when I wrote it, and it seemed to me anti-European, I am completely pissed off about the number of my comments that have been 'lamed' lately, and just think, why bother - take the hint.
Hamster, the comment was not anti-European. (At least that wasn't my intent.) The comment attacks air-headed supermodels whose only purpose in the universe is to be so skinny their bones stick out of their bodies. If the poster had said "American super models", my opinion of models would not have changed. _______Beware the shitticane. Election, 2008.
Damn....just when I was gonna let 'er fly, go on a huge flame bait rant...some power comes over me and a voice in my head keeps repeating "restraint of tongue and pen..."
I hate when that happens.
Jesus H. What a thread. How did I miss this?
1.) Sexuality arguments
2.) Religious bullshit
3.) Someone threatens to leave Poopreport
4.) Suggestion that women don't poop - a conspiracy, no less. Government Operation Powderpuff is well underway......
5.) The Dumpster linked something and made a sexual innuendo.
Wait. That's every Poopreport front page thread.
Nevermind.
PS Someone actually registered the name Anonymous Coward? Nice.
_______.....hugging bunnies since 1969 www.daphneszoo.com
I love her....but just so you all know, its strictly platonic, we never flirt, and her husband has access to huge weapons.....
Beatiful women never farts of shits, for instance Angelina Jolie never farts or shits, if she could do that then she isn't anymore a beatiful women
I suppose women think nearly the same about Brad Pitt
sorry to sound narcissistic. but i am an attractive woman, 5ft 8, 56kilos and been offered modelling contracts in my time. its a cross i bare. but the misconception that beautiful women dont fart is a heinous lie perpetuated by chauvenists and delusional men, and probably al queda. They like to pretend women dont fart because they are too insecure in their manhood and subconciously compare their farts/shit(length, width, potency)to their willies. When a woman built like a macktruck (or 'troll' as ive heard some of the men on here refer to them) takes a dump or releases a fart of heroic proportions, they can go "well fair enough, shes nearly a man)But for them too admit that beautiful girls can perform just as well and even outdo them in this area is inconceivable and terrifying. _______thunderbirds are go
For demographics purposes, I'm a gay woman... I don't really fart in front of my partner, though I can do or say anything else really. I guess it's for two reasons. I have IBS, so if I really NEED to it would be pretty foul. The squawky ones would be funny, yes, but I think also the fact that I grew up around TOO fart-comfortable parents. Depending on my mood I would either laugh at my partner or be like "OH MY GOD STOOOOOP." I guess you could say I'm a little uptight (or, perhaps, anal retentive ;)).
Women need to realize that the less they crap and fart the more attractive they become in general, to both sexes. No one likes a female that touts her ability to do anything considered gross, for those are manly aims and should be treated as such. Henceforth, if there are feminine products available to remove malicious odors and/or the offending material without voluntary effort I would highly recommend the application of such goods for the sake of the of the greater good.
Female=delicate flower
Male=powerful beast
Let's not reinvent the wheel. The wheel is perfect in this aspect. If you're going to shit and fart, why don't you go ahead and join the football team. Maybe you'll get the respect you deserve there. So it shall be written, so it shall be done. In the name of the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit.
Amen
Plungerhead, you're either an idiot, or really funny. i can't figure out which one..._______i love poop.
Wonderpance - an idiot I'd say. He actually seems serious to me. But I suppose he represents an alternative view that, judging by these pages, some men do share. Each to their own!
_______dingus49 I got this idea that pretty super model type woman fart pure perfume and their shits come out pleasantly giftwrapped and in their feminine ways they discretly dispose of it before anyone smells,sees it.Then to bring me back to reality I read these comments
Yes, well, as someone once said, 'life is a crock of shit.' But you can always dream, if that makes you happy.
I am turned on watching a beautiful woman take a shit. And more-so if she asks me what time it is as she's wiping her ass ! A real icebreaker, if you will
I don't think anyone should shit or fart in front of the opposite sex unless it's some type of emergency. The extreme exception to this is that I think significant others should not hesitate to poop (farting obviously included) or pee in front of each other. I think it should enhance the intimacy of the relationship (plus be much more convenient in many situations)
i love my girlfriend farting it turns me on, i let her fart in my face sometimes, and as far as shitting goes we never close the bathroom door we feel very comfortable with seeing each other poo.
I was on my second date with the girl who would actually become my second ever girlfriend and the first i had sex with,well anyway we were leaving the movie theater and when we got in the car i let out a fart so bad it would kill a maggot,then she turned to me about 10 seconds later and said i really like you to my amazement.I just think to this day that maybe she for some reason thought it was here who layed the stinkbomb and thats why she said that so soon after the fact.
I really don't want to know what happened on the third date there fat shady.
I don't mind a woman farting except when I place her on a pedestal and fart into my face...
when farts become valuable, the poor will be born without arseholes
realripsnorter.......A valued addition to the sages of poop report. _______Eat chilies and feel the burn!!
What an astonishing thread.
I can't imagine being in a relationship where we couldn't fart or shit in front of each other. "Love me, love my stink" has been a motto that's served me well.
I float so many air biscuits during the day that to pretend otherwise is foolish, and when two people live side by side all day and night in a small flat, well, I couldn't possibly hide a 4-times-daily log delivery, even if I wanted to.
We shit happily in front of each other, give each other Dutch ovens, hold each other down and fart on each other, and compliment one another if we fart and it sounds or smells impressive in some way. As for crapping, she prefers privacy, but not to the extent that it bothers her if she doesn't get it. She's happy for me to talk to her, even kiss, cuddle and fondle her while she's pumping out the gutpaste, as I am with her. Indeed, if one of us has dropped a particularly impressive crowd-pleaser, we are happy to show each other before it get's washed away for it's viking burial.
Luckily my Significant Other has no gall bladder and as such, farts and shits like an old bull. In a situation like that, one tries to make the best of things or one suffers.
My wife claims that she does not fart. We have been together for 46 years and I have heard her fart twice. Once was in the middle of the night while she was asleep, I eagerly awakened her and gleefully informed her. She was not pleased with my action. The second time she farted was while recovering from sedation after having undergone a colonoscopy. When your intestines have been inflated with a hose I suppose that is normal. I am normally very flatulent and after my cononoscopy I could have stuffed a golf ball up my ass, bent forward and fired it into orbit. _______Eat chilies and feel the burn!!
We don't need a missile defense shield, we can just use Chief's ass to knock down incoming ICBM's.
Thanks postman, I served our country for many years but would be proud to do it again. We are never to old to be patriots. A battery of flatulent geezers would be much more cost effective than a patriot anti-missile defense system as they could be fueled with inexpensive beans. Gas masks would be suggested wear for the aiming crews. _______Eat chilies and feel the burn!!
One day my significant other and I were in the parking lot of a local Home Depot, when all of a sudden she stops and says "Is there anyone behind us?", and it's in a real paranoid tone. I said "no", then asked "what's wrong?", and she let a long one rip. I thought she was having a drug flashback at first, but after she was finished, we giggled, but then the wind blew behind us, blowing the aerosol she sprayed back towards us. Both of us said "Oh my GOD! Somethin' really died!", and we laughed some more when entering the store.
Ah, young love.
Personally, I think women should stop, drop trou, and squeeze out their log no matter where they are.
How about March 1st for that date? As a federal employee I could use another paid day off.
Postman, think about it. The only ones who will actually do it will be ones that look like Rosie O. Do you really want to be around?
Hmmmm.......Now that I think about it......No..
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