I'm pushing for soap and water. Throw in a washcloth and what more could you want.... other than maybe an enema to clean the inside of your butt.

Have a Crappy Day!! Poop Shooter!

I'm looking forward to seeing what the bidet can do when I start using my Ultimate Spa/Bathroom in my new house in a little more than two months.

Then I can throw the three seashells away!

I'd love to have a bidet, but they're not in the budget! For now, I stick with baby wipes and TP.

An enthusiastic canine does the trick. They are very thorough with that tongue.

SamDamnit!
President in Exile
of Poopreportia
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

I chose bidet because I get frequent million wipers. At home I don't have a bidet but I do have a sink and I plunk my ass down in it sometimes and use the stream of water to clean any stubborn shit.

I suppose it would be easier to use the bathtub, but the sink is much more fun.

Ms. Volcano,
Remind me to never wash my face in your sink.......Come to think of it, remind me never to go any where near your sink.
YUCKO!

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SamDamnit!
President in Exile
of Poopreportia
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

It has got to be soap and water. All other means of ass cleanliness are only temporary holdovers. Kinda like watching Rocky III until you can get your hands on Rocky IV.

Down here in Stewsburg, we always alternated between the corncobs and the Sears Catalog, depending on what time of year it was.

'Course, we've had to substitute other catalogs for the old Sears, now that it's out of print, and somehow the Victoria's Secret and Frederick's of Hollywood catalogs make a guy need to spend a bit more time in the shithouse, y'know? Got not one log to tend to, but two!

TP for me. Sometimes my boxers (when I wear them).

Asphincter says WHAT...(!)

TSV: Do you use a ladder and scaffolding to get your ass up to the sink? Is it a big sinik with a spray nozzle or a small sink? This just does not make sence. I've been in a zillion bathrooms, and I just don't see how you could get your butthole under the faucet for a power blast without being a contortionist or having some retro-engenieered sink in your house.

I want more details on this because I just don't believe it!

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Have a Crappy Day!! Poop Shooter!

Flag on the play, 5-yard penalty on SamDammit, canis lickus, repeat first down.

I can see how some one could wash their booty in the sink. They would need one that is some what flush with the countertop. Laying on the back, they could scoot the chute under the tap. I guess the water would have to already be on though.

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SamDamnit!
President in Exile
of Poopreportia
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

Sam writes, above, "[a]n enthusiastic canine does the trick. They are very thorough with that tongue."

Reminds me of the story of the two rednecks who are sitting under the Chinaberry tree having a chaw, and they see an old yard dog across the way licking himself very thoroughly.

"Dern," says Ezra, "I wisht I could do that!"

"I dunno," says Arze, scratching himself, "that dog might bite you."

Poop Shooter, I took gymnastics as a child and I am extremely flexible. You have to be with an ass my size.

Hmmmm.... terrible yet interesting thoughts cross my mind, but it still seems like it would be a big pain in the ass versus hooking up a water squirter under the toilet rim thingy (mini bidet)

I mean, if you can contort your ass into a sink, couldn't you get a job with the circus stuffing yourself into a box?

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Have a Crappy Day!! Poop Shooter!

I'm afraid of the circus.... Wait, no. I'm not afraid of the circus. I'm afraid of Mardi Gras. Jesters scare the hell out of me.

Anyway....

I could use the bidet under the seat thing, or else wash in the bathtub. But where is the fun in that? I like to make pooping fun! If I've gotta do it I might as well enjoy it.

Ok, so do you do this face foreward or face backward? Do you have to climb up onto the countertop, or do you have like a 72" inseam with real long legs?

I'm trying to envision this as I might try it if I can figure out how to not break my man-parts on the faucet.

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Have a Crappy Day!! Poop Shooter!

Long legs help. Yes, I do have long legs.

No, I do not face forward. I face backward with the top of my crack under the running water. Then I open my buttcheeks and run the water through them this way. Easy as pie!

Disgusting! You might as well shit in the sink.

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SamDamnit!
President in Exile
of Poopreportia
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

Keep in mind it is only for emergencies.

I would rather not be around during a TSV emergency.

Now you know why I relate to hurricanes so well. My emergencies are just as scary. Read "Storm Surge" in the forums.

Yeah. I think I lost sight of that, with all the logistical discussion. I have puked in the sink before. A couple of times, I have needed to drop trou when some one else was on the toilet. The sink was looking mighty good at that point.

I once had a girl friend that needed to pee while I was on the toilet. She decided to step out the back door and pee on the little square of cement that lay on the ground by the door. She wanted the screeen door to block the neighbors from seeing her. When she was done, she left it there. The dog promptly rolled around in the pee pee, and I had to hose the poor bastard off.

I'm sure Mary Mary (current G.F.) would have the good sense to use the sink or tub instead.

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SamDamnit!
President in Exile
of Poopreportia
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

Or you, Sam, ever the gentleman, could be the one to take your crappin' business out in the yard.

"TSV Emergencies." Damn if that doesn't sound like a great story line!

TSV, thanks for explaining that. Still does not sound like a good time. I brush my teeth in that sink, and don't want ass-juice where I clean my top half.

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Have a Crappy Day!! Poop Shooter!

I do think that, if I go to visit TSV, I will stay in a nearby motel.

Do you guys never wash your sink? In such an emergency the Lysol is always on hand. Still... It's a good way to keep unwanted jerks from the neighborhood out of my bathroom!

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diarrhea4life
I have a lot of stories, but don't know how to post them. It's akin to constipation. Someone help and give me some milk of magnesia

The best for ass cleaning bums down is the bidet but I've never really gotten comfortable with using one. For me TP is the way to go, I almost never get a million wiper but even then I think my wiping techniques versus the use of a bidet would indicate only a small amount of poo particles are still present....maybe I sould have called myself Masterwiper.

Dear one, you choose a handle like "diarrhea4life," yet you tell us how constipated you are. You need to visit a post called "Anti-Diarrhea Pills: Cure Of The Century?", which spells out clearly the issues between the "can-gos," and the "can't-goes."

Figure out WHAT and WHO you are, and you will have a lot happier time on this site, and we will welcome you with open arms ahh, to a point, anyway!

Keep with us D4L!! I share your miseries!

The newspaper. Newsprint feels good and smooth on the ass.

Especially USA Today. It's the only way you'll ever get colored toilet paper in the United States.

Here is how I do it... First use TP for the heavy shit and for the remains I use a spounge with some Baby Johnsons shampoo... economical and the cleanest of all

I use the sink too. Or if I am in a public restroom, I'll use wet paper towels topped off with a nice dry one for the finishing touch. Or towel and sink together. :) If nobody is around

this is the balls: get a plastic underseat bidet on ebay about $25 . install it. i call it the "butt blaster" .
you can actually send a jet of water up your ass then push it out along with the shit. do it several times for deep cleaning. if u are reaily fastidious hang your freshly blasted butt over the side of bathtub and clean again with warm water and a shower on a hose.
if u are constipated the jet will blast thru the shit blockage! viola, instant relief!!
u hardly need tp after this. seems to cure itchy asshole too.
after this ass pampering you will hate to dump any where but home! I AM SERIOUS

Bideter, you are right. A good spray of water is definitely the best way to get your butt clean!

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I'm so good at clogging up toilets, I can make mine back up when there's nothing in it.

just use a water gun

If you can´t,don´t & won´t spread your buttcheeks,and actually scub your asshole in order to ensure that there aren´t any visible remains of Shitting; then there is a large possibilty that your asshole will eventually develop CRUSTATION. Which means nothing more than, you´re prepared for shitty Pants. Whether you wear underwear or not. In addition; your Dinkelberrys will probably have to be plucked. This process of skillfully removing shit; without removing any hairs takes years of practice,..... but it can be done. WATER + Cleanser + Four cornered ( moist Sponge) + Time = Somewhat tolerable Cleased After(ANUS). IT shouldn´t be continued........................

_The best ass cleaner for me is isopropyl rubbing alcohol. Just wet a cotton ball with a little bit and spread your cheeks and go to it. It may burn just a little, but it gives a nice cool feeling, and leaves you clean.______
Sam Walton has recently requested patrons not shit at Wal-Mart, they are over-stocked!

For me the best anus cleaner is Noxzema, dabbed lightly on the last piece of toilet paper; I use it for the last wipe, and my finger with the t.p. on it slides easily up the anal canal to the opening into the rectum. It feels good. The Nox was put away for some reason yesterday, so I tried some green tea & Vitamin E cleanser; too oily, so that my anus remained oily afterward. It worked, but I didn't like it.

VERY NICE!!!

I take a shit, then a shower immediately after. Remove the showerhead and place the hose up the ass.