Credit for this poll goes to Bunga Din.

Oh, and for those who don't know what upper decking is, looky here.

Wait a minute... isn't this turd terrorism?

I chose family member. I hate my raw-food eating, end of the world comes in 2012, prudish, stuck-up, snobby, hypocritical, lying sister!

Cracktacular: Yes. Whatever PR's official stance on turd terrorism, everyone has fantasies of getting revenge on someone with poop once in a while. This poll does not condone turd terrorism. It merely asks who you would do it to in theory. I meant to mention that the first time around. Whoops.

AB2K, thank you for absolving my of my thoughtcrime.

I would have to choose Walmart.

I would do it early and I would do it often. If they don't mind putting crap on their shelves I guess I wouldn't mind putting crap in their toilet tanks. The only problem is that I'm sure that Walmart restroom toilets are the industrial type that don't have tanks. I would have to infiltrate their corporaye system and upperdeck some of their big wigs' personal commodes.

Roll that back, Walmart.

Ok,here goes. I go in to a lot of stores these days and they have signs saying they can't accept any bill over $50.00, but low and behold they are more than willing to accept my UNSIGNED Mastercard. In 2004, according to the RCMP, 13 million dollars of counterfeit money was passed, in 2003 there was 200 million dollars worth of credit card fraud. So anyplace with an assinine policy like this would be a potential upperdecking site.

_I would never really do such turd terrorism, butt considering my present employer, it is part of my lottery winning fantasy.______
3flusher

Upperdecking is a great revenge fantasy. I checked the one about the dude on the highway because of something that really happened to me a couple of years ago. I was on the Interstate, and traffic was slow due to construction. Here comes this SOB on a motorcycle, weaving in and out. Just as he passed me, he decided he could make better time by driving in the closed lane, so he whips it over there and takes off. I crawl on down about another mile, until I come up on the SOB sitting still on his bike, which was sunk up to the axles in ... wet cement!! Everybody was blowing their horns at him and giving him the finger. I wish I'd had a camera!

In the immortal words of Nancy Reagan, "revenge is a dish best eaten cold."

I know that it's bad form to complain about poll options, but I wish "politicians" were up there.

Dave, you could never get close enough to the ones who can really screw you to do any good. I mean, what fun is it to upperdeck your County Commissioner?

I didn't actually vote, but I'll go with Dave.

Wouldn't it be cool to Upperdeck in one of the uncolored buildings or homes that have the unusually shaped office of one of the main governmental leaders of the aera located in the northern hemisphere above a mexican country but below a maple leaf country with large bodies of water to the east and west locations?

Now if that were an option, I woulod have voted.

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Have a Crappy Day!! Poop Shooter!

Dave, I purposely avoided politicians because as soon as 1 person says one name we were sure to end up in a flame war until TBW came in and tried to settle the issue (while still exercising his opinion, just kidding TBW). Let's keep the political stuff where it belongs, in the forums. By the way Dave, we sorta need a ruling from you regarding the misuse of the Shameless Shitting Manifesto, care to weigh in over here.

I thought the saying was, "revenge is a dish best served cold." ;)

It was difficult to decide. There are so many people and companies I'd love to upperdeck, but I had to go for former boss.

FP, that's certainly another version of the old saying, which has been attributed to a number of people, including Prince Bismarck, but is most likely one of those atavistic pieces of wisdom that has just come down from our ancestors. I simply cited Nancy because she is the most recent famous figure I have heard quoted saying it.

Probably greater wisdom, if less immediate satisfaction, is found in the following two famous sayings:

"Revenge, at first, though sweet,/Bitter ere long, back on itself recoils." Paradise Lost (John Milton)

"Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord." (Romans 12:19)

Or as our friend Cracktackular says, "an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth leaves the whole world blind and toothless."

('Course, I didn't find anything about a turd for a turd; you can do your own research on that!)

My brother-in-law really needs an upper-deck. Especially since his wife makes us wear surgical booties in her house...oh precious carpet.

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www.mydailypoop.com

Damn log blogger! I thought my sister and her obsession with the end of the world was bad. The last time I visited my sister she served me something gray and tasteless and told me, "This is how healthy food is supposed to taste." She then was nearly hospitalized for anemia. But she never made me wear booties in her house! Freaky!

How lower-middle-class can you get? The ex-Mrs. Dumpster had relatives like that. You know the type: The dead giveaway is that they don't peel the plastic off the lampshades, they wash out and save the straws from McDonald's, and they keep threadbare towels out in the bathroom while perfectly good ones dry-rot in the closet. But these relatives of Mrs. D took it even further than that. On the sofa they put a slipcover, to protect the sofa. Then on the slipcover, they put a sheet, to protect the slipcover. The first time I went in their living room, I asked, in all innocence, "are you guys getting ready to paint, or something?"

However, I, Dumpster, have made a career of subtly bending obnoxious kinfolks to my will (while avoiding getting cut out of theirs). Thus, I offer, free of charge, a couple of time-tested tips for dealing with reified relatives:

LB, your brother-in-law is saying several things: (1) He is more frugal than you (false modesty); (2) He is more important than you, since I assume he doesn't wear surgical booties all the time in his own house (real insecurity); and (3) He is more sanitary than you (false pride). For this last one alone, I would vote for an upperdeck, or even better, let a turd "accidentally" slither down your pants leg and onto his carpet as you are leaving, so he and Mrs. Clean can spend the rest of the night fumigating the joint. It might be even funnier if it were a fake one! And with any luck, you'll never be asked back! I mean, why the fuck do you want to go over there in the first place? (Just be sure to squeal, "Ooh, I'm SO SORRY" when the caca hits the carpet, and busily offer to help while smearing it around as they rush you out the door.)

TSV. I think I know a wee bit more about your family dynamics, so here's a suggestion: Next time you're invited to eat your sister's gray, end-of-the-world sludge, just say, "sorry, Sister Dear; I find I'm allergic to your Tofu Bean Sprout Curd Puree, so I brought my own food." Then haul out a couple of chili dogs with onions and a can of beer. Tell her the doctor told you to drink the beer for your kidneys. She will be so anxious to get you out of there before that stuff hits the bottom that you will not have time to upperdeck.

In short, you can do almost anything you want with obnoxious relatives, as long as you are polite about it, blame it on your health, and offer to clean up the mess you (accidentally-on-purpose) made!

Dumpster, your comment about plastic and slipcovers made me think of something that happened recently with our shiny, brushed steel Emerson microwave.

We thought there was a blister on the control panel button marked "+30 sec", which gets a lot of use. I bitched about the quality of merchandise these days and muttered something about the guarantee.

My wife later found that this blister could be peeled off - along with the whole panel.

Yes, it was a plastic cover. We now have a shiny, new microwave display.

By the way, I think you'd like an English comedy called The League of Gentlemen. It features a family called the Dentons, who are obsessed with cleanliness and bodily functions. They have a plastic cover on the settee, and colour-coded towels for different body parts:

"White for hands, brown for feet,
Green for torso, thighs, and seat.
And in the cellar, 'neath the stair,
You'll find the red, for pubic hair."

Scat, I'm a sucker for raunchy poetry, as well as for all things lower middle class. Needless to say, Keeping Up Appearances is one of my favorite programs. Thanks for the laughs!

Keeping Up Appearances is a funny show indeed, and leaving the covers on things is lame, but Dumpster, your comments about class distinctions make me a little uncomfortable. After all, some of us on PR statistically fall into this lower-middle class, even without such behaviors as twice covering our couches.

AB, wake up and smell the caca: Class is NOT a matter of money! Some of the lowest-class people I know are very wealthy, and I am proud to be close friends with some other folks who live just above the poverty level. For example, my ex-relatives I referred to above who double-slipcovered the sofas were worth a LOT of money! It was their "false poverty" that made them lower-class, in my view.

I can tell from your PR posts (as well as, I might add, our off-site correspondence) that you are one of nature's true gentlewomen. Your only concern for "appearances" is making others comfortable, and that is the essence of "high class" in my book.

So screw statistics. A very wise person once said, "a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions." You make me feel like I'm somebody special, and that puts you up on a class level with the Queen of England, in my estimation!

An old boyfriend of mine crapped in his boss's briefcase, right in front of me. That was craptaculous!

The boss was a Hasid who was terrified of shaking my hand or my BFs hand. And BF was Jewish too, but not religious. I am Catholic (sorta :)

Crapola

I used to be Catholic. Now I'm in recovery.

I almost didn't make it.

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Have a Crappy Day!! Poop Shooter!

You are all being monitored by my new task force.

Societal
Corruption
Aleviation
Task force

Your votes have been dooly noted and added to your files. D.N.A. samples have been taken from each of your toilets. (Bunga, you eat too much corn).

SUPPORT THE POOPS
DOWN WITH SHAMEFUL SHITTERS
DOWN WITH TURD TERRORISTS

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SamDamnit!
Presidential Overlord
Of Poopreportia
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

Sam, your S.C.A.T. Team scares me. I am waiting for that midnight knock at the bathroom door. Please, just send one of your better-looking female agents to strip-search me?

Sam, I was shaking so hard in fear of your stormpoopers S.C.A.T. team rushing me on the tiolet I could only manage to pop out marbles.

In the name of a solid log P L E A S E call them off!!!!

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Have a Crappy Day!! Poop Shooter!

Dook fearing, honest citizens have nothing to fear from the S.C.A.T. team. They are only looking for the turd terrorists. You should be scared, if you are doing any of the following.

Upperdecking
Poop smearing
Boo Boo bag burning
Urinal dooking
Using SamDamnit!'s name in vain
Using the term "LOL"

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SamDamnit!
Presidential Overlord
Of Poopreportia
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

I have a picture of Sam hanging in my bathroom, to serve as inspiration.

I have a picture of Kate Moss in my bathroom Dumpster. It's all the inspiration I need.

Sam, I'm off the list, I did score 85% on your test though. No, No, No, No, Yes, No.

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Have a Ploppingly Cheerful Day!! Poop Shooter!

So Bunga tells me to put up this poll . . .

And Sam is looking to flush turd terrorists out of hiding . . .

The only reasonable assumption here is that Bunga and Sam are in cahoots, working to catch any would-be infidels. See how our rights are being trampled here people? Can we stand for this? Imagine, a member of our trusted ranks like Bunga, working as a double agent for the Damnit administration. Cahoots, I tell ya.

If you see a suspicious man with a twitchy left pinky lurking around your bathroom, don't trust him. It's Bunga again, up to no good.

(Dammit. I'm breaking my own rules again. It's just like throwing snowballs in my house -- way too much fun.)

Oh, no!! Are you telling us that all of this pseudo-revolution has been part of an insider conspiracy from the start? It is just as I've always thought: The little guy like me doesn't stand a chance, and never knows what's going on until it is too late, anyway.

And, since Ms. Blaster herself insists on derailing this thread (she, the Chief of Thread Police), we probably need to let inquiring minds here on the main page know that the full details can be found by visiting The Impeachment of SamDamnit on the PR forums.

If you really like PR, this page is just the appetizer: The main banquet is over on the forums. All are welcome! (says Dumpster, since Dave is paying).

A present or former boss. Workin' for the man's got me down.

AND

Store or business that gave bad service. Corporate pricks.

Are one. I discovered that my dickheaded boss was cheating customers. PR's, don't take your car to a Bridgestone or Firestone owned shop. You might not get all the repairs you paid for.

Ahhh yes, PS. It was only a matter of time until anti-Catholicism reared its ugly head. Thanks.

and by "thanks" I mean try to remember you're in mixed company.

Hang in there, Crack. "The gates of hell shall not prevail," and all that (this from a Protestant).

No worries, thanks for the support, Dumpster. I'm usually not sensitive. Don't know what came over me. For a Catholic, I'm less "Catholic" than most Protestants. Am I making sense? Damn, I need a drink.

Well, I'm more "Catholic" than most "Protestants."

Maybe we should start our own denomination. We Protestants know all about how to do that. All you guys have are the Jesuits.

Hang in there, Slim Jim! And I don't take my cars to a Bridgestone/Firestone for the reason you state.

You'll get to southern Florida soon!

"Well, I'm more "Catholic" than most Protestants.
Maybe we should start our own denomination."

Would that be a Cathostant?

If I offended anyone or their religous beliefs, I apologize. It's not my intent to dis anyone or what they believe in on this site.

Please enough on the religous stuff. If I started this, I quit.

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Have a Crappy Day!! Poop Shooter!

Well Poop Shooter, I believe a made a comment several years back in which I said, "I used to be a Baptist but I feel better now."

I didn't take your comment as dissing religion at all. Nor was my comment so long ago meant to slam Baptists.

Sorry, didn't mean to get offended. I am over it. On with the poopcapades!

For those of you that don't know, many non-practicing Catholics refer to themselves as "lapsed Catholics". Frank McCourt (Angela's Ashes, Tis, and Teacher Man) refers to himself as a "collapsed Catholic". I find that highly amusing. .

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SamDamnit!
Presidential Overlord
Of Poopreportia
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

Since I've officially sworn off turd terrorism it's not going to really happen. BUT, if I were to say "slip" one day, it would be my hog on a hog neighbor. His "collectable" bike(translate piece of crap made in the 1980s) is always dumping out raw fuel, he's run those hideous straight pipes with no sound absorption and his carbs aren't synced--at all. This translates to his having to rev the freaking bike the whole time he's riding.

That felt good....

Bunghole, I can relate to that one. My neigbor has the strait pipes and usually when drunk at about 11pm he fires it up in the garage and revs the shit out of it. An idiot! He's a nice guy most of the time, but I do feel your pain! Damn american made motorcycles.

I just feed my bike a box of rice when i want to ride it!

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See what's happening on The Dumpster Debacle
Poop Shooter!

PS, What kind of bike do you ride? Mr. B loves his vintage 6-cyl Honda.

Dumpster/AB2K: Regarding Keeping Up Appearances it depends on whether you refer to the leading character as Mrs. Bucket or Mrs. Bouquet.

I put about on a 1982 Honda Nighthawk 450.

I basically got it out of the trash and fixed it up. It's a decent bike that's cheap to ride on the rare occasion I get time. I want a V-Max though

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See what's happening on The Dumpster Debacle
Poop Shooter!

All this time I thought my tribe was lost.......

I found my people!!!!

walmart ! MOST DEFINATELY i hate those small business destroying bastards

I'd like to do all 5 of 'em, especially all those assholes on the highway, tailgating, changing lanes without signaling, etc.

My second choice would be boss or business, especially Walmart

Recently, I've wanted to upper deck a certain supposed green conservationist who is only in it for the money and uses horrible natural disasters to sell his/her books. He/she will remain nameless for the sake of not getting political. (But anyone who knows me knows who it is.)

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Well, you don't actually blow on it. That's just an expression.

Unfortunately I could not answer this question without being very political.
Let if suffice to say my upper deck victim would be a politician. I am a very liberal fellow but fiscally very conservative so you can imagine the many possible targets that could end up in the gun-sights of my turd terrorism.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

I would try it, but with my luck, I'd probably slip and wind up with a flapper up my ass.