PoopReporters, I need your help. One of the chapters in my book talks all about the underlying causes of what we describe here as Shameful Shitting. I half-facetiously tie it in to the Fall of Man, suggesting that Adam and Eve didn't have stinky, disgusting, painful, shameful poops until after they were kicked out of the Garden of Eden.

Here is how I describe mankind's first poop after the Fall:

Eve's stomach twisted. Still looking up, she squatted and gave agonizing birth to humanity's first rancid ass baby. It stunk terrifically; and with all that roughage, it was tremendous. In the Garden, she hadn't really paid much attention to her poop; it certainly had never been preceded by such pain nor pursued by such odor. This was embarrassing. In the Garden, it had never been embarrassing.

Now here's where I need your help. I'm very displeased with the term "rancid ass baby." I think it could be a lot funnier. But I can't think of anything. I'm sure, though, one of you can. Something Biblical, something divine, something Hellish... submit your ideas in the comments. I'll pick the one I like and include it in the book, and probably throw in a copy of The Journal of Ass Production [1] for your troubles.