A few months ago, while reminiscing about the Poop Sync so long ago, Dave and I decided it was time to pass the torch to a new generation of PoopReporters. We already knew our own results -- but were we typical poopers? Perhaps one of us possessed an abnormal butt. Would two other poopers be able to sync their poops?

Two dedicated PoopReporters -- The Shit Volcano and Cracktacular -- volunteered to find out. For three days, each adhered to the same diet, as listed below.

Both Cracktacular and The Shit Volcano are healthy adults in their mid-twenties (according to their PoopReport profiles, anyway). Nevertheless, although they ate the same for three days, Mr. Cracktacular and Ms. Volcano had very different results. Ms. Volcano is expecting her first child, whom she refers to as Gordon, which was probably a factor during this experiment. Exactly how her state would affect the experiment we did not know -- but quickly into the experiment it became clear that The Shit Volcano's output volume was drastically reduced.

From the mouth of the Volcano herself:

I found my experience with the Poop Sync very disappointing. My last shit was twenty-four hours before the Poop Sync began. It was one of those poops with the little marble-hard pellets, and there weren't very many of them. I'd hoped that this change in diet for a few days would bring spectacular results; but, alas, nothing.

I would say that Gordon didn't like the experiment -- either the food or the sudden change in routine. I don't normally eat lunch, drink Coke, or consume mayonnaise. He seemed pretty pissed about the whole thing.

A note to anyone participating in a future Poop Sync: don't conduct this experiment while pregnant. The three days went as follows:

Day One.
I didn't poop. Not even an urge to poop. I just went about the day without a single turd.

Day Two.
I had the urge around eleven thirty at night. What I got was a single, tiny turdlet about the size of a dime. I could almost hear Gordon laughing at me.

Day Three.
The urge hit, but I couldn't produce. I tried in the morning around nine o'clock, then again around three. And again right before I went to bed. Nothing. Not even a turdlet this time.

After the Poop Sync, I still had no poop for two days. Then, on the fifth day, my ass suddenly let loose. That had to be the smelliest poop I have ever experienced. It smelled like rotten pumpkins.

I will now go back to my normal diet of yogurt, occasional red meat, and lots of veggies. And Kool-Aid -- lots of Kool-Aid. (Mmmm, Kool-Aid. *drools*) Gordon seems to prefer cherry.

Allow me to begin by saying that I went into this project with a great deal of enthusiasm. I have always loved pseudo-science, so Mr. Wizard and Bill Nye, while a little square, are cool in my book. Hopefully my blow-by-blow account will help further the knowledge of PoopReporters everywhere.

2/14/06, 0711 hours.
It's breakfast time and the Great Poop Sync 2006 has begun. So much anxiety. Will my pooping be up to par? Will I poop at all? My bowels give me a reassuring gurgle as if to say, "Just feed me and everything will be all right." The oatmeal is not exciting, but I haven't had a tall glass of orange juice in quite a while. I kind of miss it.

1945 hours.
Nothing of consequence has happened in my Feces Federation yet, but the night is young. Going to pick up my girlfriend for some Valentine's Day fun. I won't go off the diet, I promise.

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2/15/06, 0134 hours.
Well, I broke up with my girlfriend about a half an hour ago. It's better this way -- she talks too much. For those of you now thinking I am a jerk for breaking up with her on Valentine's night: don't. She broke up with me. But it was mostly mutual. Anyway, I am feeling that familiar pressure on my nozzle. This could be it!

0138 hours: Turd #1.

The Birthing: Lots of pressure; more solid than usual. Of greater-than-expected girth. Feel like there are more buns in the oven, but no aftershocks occur. The Details: An impressive pile of thick Lincoln Logs with standard smell -- nothing paint-peeling. Standard wipe: three and out with Charmin Ultra. One flusher.

0730 hours.
Got a good night's rest. Excited to be back on the market and even more excited about continuing this scientific crusade. What are the other poopers experiencing? I am beaming with anticipation.

1654 hours.
What gives??? I thought that after my initial poop, there was another contestant not far behind. I must say, I'm a little down on myself.

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2/16/06, 0753 hours.
Woke up and knew I had a new officer reporting for doo-ty on the poop deck.

0810 hours: Turd #2

The Birthing: Not the blitzkrieg I am used to. Like a baby wolverine clinging to its mothers teat. Feels like nicely formed poo parcels. A mighty chorus of Let All the Earth Rejoice bowl-ringing farts finishes up with some warm sausages. The Details: Looks like thick spaghetti and meatballs; standard smell with a hint of cheesiness. Standard three-and-done wipe with Charmin Ultra -- went down the toilet smooth on one flush.

2020 hours: TURD # 3

Writer's note: The rest of the day went rather normally until that night. I had been hanging out with a couple of friends from church when I got that not-so-pleasant abdominal feeling. The following poop report was made under great duress after I had sprinted into my bathroom. Notes appear as they were jotted down. Urgent, high velocity. Stomach discomfort. Stench and associated gas, wet farts, bubbling in the stewpot, magma. Tempest left as suddenly as it arrived, and left behind a bowl full of dirt chili. Quintuple wiper, double flusher.

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Here I include my shit on the day after the Poop Sync ended. While not an actual part of the study, it is obviously comprised of food eaten during the experiment.

2/17/06: 1440 hours: The After Turd

The Birthing: Have to find a remote toilet at work. Have that not-so-solid feeling. Dammit, janitor is in the Social Hall; off to the church. Music Director is in the church; off to the classrooms. Starting to feel a bit more urgent. Finally made it. Here it comes. Liquidshit as expected. The Details: Bowl full of butt broth. Smells like cabbage! Wipe for eternity -- one industrial flush.

I find it most interesting that, just like last time, the male participant in the Poop Sync pooped more than the female. It leads me to wonder if men poop more frequently than women, even if they both eat the same food.

It also leads me to wonder if Poop Syncing is something not achieved in three days, but rather over the course of several years of dietary synchronicity. Mr. Blaster and I have been cohabiting for about three years now, and eating a very similar diet, and I find that we both poop once per day on average. The size of his poops are larger, naturally, because he eats more; but our relative output is similar. However, both of us pooped the same before we lived together as afterward. I am inclined to speculate that we simply have similar (slow) metabolisms.

My hypothesis is this: if we got two poopers of the same gender and similar body types, the results of the Poop Sync would be much more balanced. Do any poopers out there have any light to shed on this? Have you ever Poop Synced, either willfully or by accident? Do the members of your household poop similarly? These are questions which our pooping society here needs to explore in depth.