I'm 27. I've been to doctors of every kind for the past nine years, and nobody can figure out my problem, or even offer any help. Perhaps PoopReport...?

As a senior in high school, I was a big sweater; and after gym class, my hairy butt would be so saturated with moisture that it would create a spot on the back of my pants. Being very aware of the problem, I would go home after school, smell my boxers, and realize that my butt really smelled.

What I didn't figure out was that it was just from sweating... and it happens to everyone. I chalked it up to having a smelly rear. So, from then out I did everything I could to keep my butt clean: powders, soaps, sprays, everything.

But I wasn't just using them on the outside -- I was making sure it got on the inside, too. I scrubbed, dug, whatever it took to coat my rear. In that time, I must have permanently scarred the inside of my rear because now whenever I have a bowel movement I have to wipe not just the outside of my rectum, but all the way up and inside -- because the stool sticks to my butt. A lot, depending on the consistency of the crap.

This is the worst problem in the world, because I can't just take quick shits and feel clean. But no doctor can detect a thing.

Throughout the years, the problem has gotten better because I no longer use any de-smelling products. But I've tried everything to make it better: baby wipes, KY Jelly, A&D Ointment, you name it. But I often think that the baby wipes and ointments make it worse. I've even thought that my butt is too dry, which is why shit sticks to my ass... but I have no way of making it better.

I now use wetted-down toilet paper, which sucks because all that wiping really dries my butt. My butt often smells after a long day, and if I take a crap in a foreign place, I never get it clean.