I went to the grocery store earlier today, got the Green Juice (Magnesium Citrate), and then came home. I drank the first half of the bottle down without too much problem. But I had to pretend I was doing lime juice shots for the second half. It wasn't until I'd finished the bottle (which is an adult dosage) that I thought to myself, "I wonder how fast this stuff works?" I did a Google search and came upon this story [1] about someone else's experience with this Evil Nectar.
It's been exactly thirty-eight minutes since I chugged down the last drop. Nothing too ordinary just yet. I feel a little warm, and I can tell that the M.C. is snaking its way through my upper intestines like a python through the Amazon jungle. Hmm... wonder if I can use my mind to pretend this will have zero effect on me? I'll see how long I can hold out. They say you're supposed to take this stuff in the morning. I didn't think of that until after I drank it down at four PM.
Just heard some gurgling noises from within.
It stopped. Everything's OK.
I'm not dealing with any major blockage -- I just want that BBQ meat from summer of '93 to make its way outta me before it gives me colon cancer or something. They say you should drink this stuff no more than like twice a year. If what I've heard is any indication, I don't see how anyone could be compelled to hammer down this hemlock even twice in a lifetime. Ever puked up green bile? It tastes like that, but with a twist of lime added for "flavor."
I have some documents to type, things to do... but I'll keep you posted.
What happened? I can't post this without the conclusion...
Dave
Hola Dave,
Here is the anti-climactic ending.
====================================
Well, it's nine AM the next morning. I must be the one person on the planet that's immune to this vile concoction. Other than knocking me out for about two hours of really deep sleep, I've got nothing unusual to report. Gaby (my wife) takes this stuff about twice a year and it puts her out of commission the whole day -- she doesn't dare leave the house. For me, on the other hand, it was business as usual. One quick, flashy 'splooosh' -- and nothing since.
Three possibilities. (a) The bottle I purchased was a 'dud'. But being as how this jammin'-juice doesn't expire until 2008, that seems unlikely. Or (b), I have so many miles of intestines due to some birth abnormality that my system just absorbed the impact without skipping a beat. Or (c) -- by sheer mental will, I was able to diffuse the impending horror that would have otherwise overtook me as it has every other one of its victims.
I could down another bottle, but no telling what that much magnesium might do to my brain. I think I'll just make it a point to continue having some oatmeal for breakfast every few days and count myself lucky... this time.
From: Dave from PoopReport
Sent: Thursday, April 20, 2006 12:40 PM
To: EnricoSuave
Subject: Re: poop story
Date: Thu, 20 Apr 2006 17:52:57 -0700
From: EnricoSuave
To: Dave from PoopReport
Subject: RE: poop story
