According to Deputy Housing and Local Government Minister Robert Lau, Malaysia is planning a National Toilet Summit for August 24-25 as a way to educate the public about the importance of a clean crappatorium [2]. The current state of toilet affairs in Malaysia is, Lau says, truly dismal. "If a toilet is a person [in Malaysia], he should protest to the Human Rights Commission because he is unfairly treated," says Lau. "The vision... is to establish a clean toilet culture."
A clean toilet culture? Sounds like a super t-shirt and coffee mug op!
So what is the Malaysian ideal for the public restroom? It is a pristine, fragrant, comforting room in which all comers may purge bladder and bowel while enjoying the succor of a sanitary, safe, and perhaps even spiritually-redeeming respite from the daily grit, noise, and hustle of bustling Kuala Lumpur.
Is that too much to dream of? Perhaps, but Lau and his comrades are going to do their darndest to bring their grand vision to fruition. And businesses and other establishments with public toilets will be on the receiving end of the government's wrath should they fail to live up to the grand vision. Lau points out that there will be fines to pay and business licenses may even not be renewed for those who don't keep their crappers minty-fresh.
We Western folk could learn a thing or two from Deputy Minister Lau. Just look at ourselves. I mean, really! The way we treat toilets in the United States, the United Kingdom, continental Europe and Central and South America should be a source of shame to all of us. And India, are you listening? Shame! We drop greasy loads that barely make it into the bowl, splattering rims and soiling the surrounding floor. We spew vomit laden with half-digested curry, beer, refried beans and Ding Dongs into our toilets' cool, white recesses. And both male and female users pepper the seat with droplets of poorly-aimed pee. We do a half-assed cleaning once a year or so, or avoid sanitary maintenance altogether, just tossing a big "mint" or a cartridge that leaks gawdawful blue liquid into the tank to mask the stench. The beleaguered Western toilet serves as a disposal unit for tampons [3], pumpkin-sized wads of toilet paper, phlegm balls hawked up during our morning ablutions, spoiled milk, noxious chemicals, and clumps of dog hair pulled from the grooming brush. The indignities visited upon our toilets are limitless.
To be quite frank, Malaysian restrooms got nuthin' on us. Maybe we could bring Deputy Minister Lau over as a consultant to show us how it's done. I'd welcome the opportunity to learn from those who, before us, have placed their feet firmly in the floor-toilet positioning footprints and let their ideas flow freely.
