Okay, so I hate to be the first to comment on my own poll, but it's Friday night and I'm home alone, so whatever. I almost never grunt or anything when I poop. I guess it's a habit from pooping at work and having a husband who works night shift. But when we were vacationing in Florida, we ate quite heartily, and our shits were consequently the same. Mr. Blaster's cousin who we were visiting has a small apartment, and once when we got back from dinner I made a beeline for the shitter. Mr. Blaster and his cousin were either waiting for the shitter or I was that loud, but the one time I go "Urnnnnngh!" to get that stubborn Cosby kid to go into the pool, they are right there and hear me. When I come out, both of them go "URRRGGGGGGHHH!" in unison to try to make fun of me. They kept doing that to me all night long; perhaps they were trying to embarrass me but I thought it was pretty damn funny.

I also sometimes grunt a little when I have a really violent fart. Mr. Blaster thinks it's hilarious. Does anyone else get those, the farts that blast out so hard that they hurt? (Hey, I chose AssBlaster for a reason!)

I'm really quiet, aside from a little gas sometimes when no one (as far as i know) can hear.

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Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

Dear AssBlaster2000,

Guilty on the painful farting. I too have been known to feel the burn.

In my case, sometimes it is caused by the chemical makeup of the gas itself. (Sub-standard Mexican food is a common cause.) Other times it is just because of the terminal velocity attained during the expulsion. Most often it is a combination of the two.

Whatever the reason, I've learned through experience that I must tread lightly for awhile following a blast that's really dynamic. Too much sensitivity for my own good, if you know what I mean.

As for noises, etc. during my deliveries, I'm not one to grunt or strain. I do, however, rarely 'go' without making some sort of comment on the activities at hand. Maybe a 'Wow!', or a 'Mama Mia!', or an 'Aye Caramba!'. And it's not uncommon for me to let loose with an 'Oy Vey!' even though I'm not Jewish.

Once, in a restroom at the top of The Reunion Tower in Dallas Texas, I did the deed and sealed the deal with a 'Jiminy Christmas!' which brought chuckles from a number of other stalls. I was glad to be of service in such a situation.

The comments I make are never planned out. I just let whatever pops into my mind come out of my mouth.

Blaster Caster

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Vini, Vidi, Poopi.

I gotta know--do Mexicans get gas and the shits after eating Mexican food? Are there any Mexicans on the site or people with Mexican friends who might can tell me?

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Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

i hate painful farts, i call them anal explosions due to the explosion of gas and pain in my anus, or maybe my rectum...perhaps both!

I asked a Mexican buddy this same question back in seventh grade. He told me that, no, he has never heard of this problem. I suppose because he is used to eating the food and grew up doing so.

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Don't question authority. It doesn't know either.

Thanks, TSV. That even makes sense to me! I miss your old sig "Cream floats to the top. So do dead fish." Universities pick the cream of the crop, and well I rose to the top of my class too, but I'm not doing so well at the university. Today I'm moving back to the university to retake some failed courses over the summer. There will be a free cookout tomorrow and I risk food poisoning. I shall report back after the cookout.

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Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

I must say that I don't grunt or anything when I shit but the mix of the pre-shit fart, the shit itself all echoing in the bog make a pretty loud noise. Sometimes if its needed a cry of 'Jesus Christ' will be heard if its a ring ripper.

I'm pretty quiet.

The only exception was during the first few weeks after each of my kids were born. Those were hunch-over-and-whimper craps!
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Santa Caca!

I'm in the new dorm and the urinals have motion sensors but... thank goodness... REGULAR SLOAN FLUSHERS ON THE TOILETS! I can still double flush! Problem is there's a communal bathroom for the whole floor with just 3 stalls. Sucks quite a bit. Also I have a really small room. It's just for summer. I'll get over it.

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Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

GGG, you're scaring me. I am not looking forward to the after-Gordon shits.

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Don't question authority. It doesn't know either.

Your midwife can probably advise you how to prepare your system somewhat beforehand. It's just something about post partum that makes your system back up a bit.

My pain was compounded by the episiotomy (sp?). If you don't have to have stitches, it probably isn't quite as bad.

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Santa Caca!

I'm very gregarious and sociable on the pot, which is frequently in front of my significant other. We treat the bathroom as a common room in our daily lives, and if we have to make a noise, we do it without shame.

DF writes, above, "I'm not doing so well at the university. Today I'm moving back to the university to retake some failed courses over the summer."

I'm damn glad there was no such thing as PoopReport when I was in college, DF, or I'da probably flunked some stuff, too!

Hang in there, man. You're smart, and all will be well.

To all you student types out there in PR-land, an assignment from Professor Dumpster: One hour of serious study for every hour on PoopReport, and you're a cinch for the honor roll.

BTW, there are some really funny comments in this thread. Thanks, AB2K!

I have a lot of D-s and Fs to face, so maybe I need more than just one hour studying for each PR hour... Still, thanks for keeping me going!

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Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

I often have full conversations with my wife while I do the deed. She isn't so receptive to conversation on the can... she puckers as soon as I get near the door, then can't go for about five minutes after I leave. She's a shameful shitter, but I'm working on allieviating her fecal fears.

Once I topped off a satisfying shit at a movie theater bathroom with "It's a boy!" My dad, who was three stalls down thought it was funny, but the guy sweeping the floor wasn't amused.
Also, part of the ass gasket must have ripped off and stuck, because it was hanging out of my pants when I left. That was a little embarassing.

Sometimes I make a great sound of relief. Generally after a big anus burning log it's the ever favorite "Holy Shit" and after looking at the bowl "Oh My God". I usually to not vocally grunt while pooping, but it will happen sometimes. Occasionally I will wimper like a puppy when it's a real big turd, but I'm usually quiet!

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Poop Shooter!

Being that my wife is Mexican and cooks mostly authentic Mexican foods, my shit is HOT! The day after a good meal my ass burns like all hell. But the food is so damn good its worth while. Even on the days my shit chute bleeds a bit from it.

So I make a bit of noise. Especially when the ass wiping takes place. Good thing there is a fan on. Hides the "Oh's" and "Ah's" along with the stench.

Sir Poopalot

Hey, as I was googling "taking a dump" today, multiple search results popped up and I was graced with this site. Now I'm hooked, this is absolutely hilarious. Anyway, I don't make grunting noises when dropping the Cosby kids off at the pool. However more often than not, a series of violent farts erupt from the outer limits of my digestive tract multiple times during a dump. These farts sound like a symphony orchestra in that there are so many crescendos/fortes throughout the farts that I should have a conductor standing in front of me to conduct this piece.

Dave-o, are you by any chance related to THE "Dave-O"??

I don't usually make much noise. I often read or play Animal Crossing for the DS. It's my quiet time - heehee ;)

Our bathrooms share a common wall and the toilets are right next to each other. My husband and I will sometimes meet up this way and make comments along the lines of, "We have to stop meeting like this!" and "Was it good for you?"

Regarding Mexican food: I'm ethnically Heinz 57 but I've been eating Mexican food all my life. I was born in San Diego and went to Mexico frequently. My first job at 16 was as a cook in Fidel's Restaurant in Solana Beach. I think that the high fiber content of beans, plus any peppers, is what causes problems for people. I usually have no prob, unless I haven't had enough fiber that week or the food is VERY spicy.

Mmmm, we're cooking lobsters Ensenada-style with tortillas, rice and beans for Father's Day.

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~Happiness is a warm squirt (and a puppy)~

I am split between A and B. When I am not constpated, I drop my load pretty quietly. But, When I am constipated, I do tend to grunt a bit.
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Jammin' lo'flo's since 1977.

I forgot. When my hemmorhoids flare up, and the turd stops cold, halfway out my ass, then the foul language and blastphemy sets in.
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Jammin' lo'flo's since 1977.

When I take a shit, my normal ones tend to come with some farting or grunting, as I usually have to push to drop the turd. My dumps never come out by themselves, they require assistance from me, so I do tend to grunt, and farting during a dump is simply a given.

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fred kruega!

jumpin jack flash ive got gas gas gas and when i do its loud and proud
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The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

I am a pro pooper i go anywhere. i dont make noice and it takes me about 30 secs to a mintues to do everything i gotta do! it's so funny i always tell my friends and they just laugh.

Some times I find myself grunting slightly if I have a stubborn turd to deal with, but fortunately, that doesn't happen often.

I moan mostly its like a sound made of complete relief. Sometimes I make comments like OMG that one came out sideways. OR Cripes now I have to LEAVE my house.
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The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

I am usually as quiet as a mouse but i try to make a sound as loud as possible.. Which never really happens :(

Sometimes I go in fairly complete silence, especially if the turd is long and enters the water while still attached to me. Other times, however, especially early in the morning, I do have to grunt, sometimes at length. Also, most of the time, I have more than one turd, and most of them splash when they hit. I don't fart that often while on the pot, but occasionally that sound joins the rest. I do enjoy hearing others on the pot making noises, such as in the mall toilets.

I usually sing "I'm a Little Teapot" or "The Ittsy Bittsy Spider"...helps me concentrate.

I almost never grunt when I go poops. But whenever I have a Bowel movement, I find my self making little sighing sounds as the poop emerges from my butt-hole. anyone else do this?